Broken

This is a story about an affair, a marriage, divorce. It is about sex, love and ultimate heartbreak. A couple posts will be added every week.

  • Broken – Prologue
    This blog is a story about a journey at the end of a loyal and loveless marriage and an unexpected new found love that turned into a long affair that cost me … Continue reading “Broken – Prologue”
  • Broken – My Tinder Find
    I picked up my phone and downloaded Tinder. My heart was racing and I felt like I was betraying my marriage. But I said how could I betray someone I have no romantic relationship with.
  • Broken – Texting
    After sending my message thanking her for understanding I was expecting a “you’re welcome” and that was about it. She started to engage more and started teasing me a little in a very flirty way. She said aren’t you curious to know who I am. I said “Of course!!”
  • Broken – The First Meeting
    As we narrowed our meeting to a day and time we had some obstacles to overcome. It would be a couple weeks from when we matched to the time we could meet. But that day was coming. In between that time I would send her long texts of erotica.
  • Broken – The Aftermath
    So we had our first date and I went home on cloud nine but also in a little bit of anxiousness. I wondered would she focus on the connection or my awkwardness. It could be endearing but some women like their men smooth and sophisticated.
  • Broken – First Hotel Date
    So I drove to the hotel. It was midweek and I had to check in at 11AM. This was always the worst feeling. I am naturally a risk adverse person and there is so much risk. You give them your name and a form of payment. There is a record of you being where you are not supposed to be.
  • Broken – Routine and First Real World Encounter
    Broken is a story that is best read Chronologically to start from the beginning – Prologue We would alternate between a few hotel visits and my office. We would see each other a … Continue reading “Broken – Routine and First Real World Encounter”
  • Broken – More Sex
    It had been about a month and I probably had more sex with Hailey more than I had in the last 4 years of my life. We did it everywhere in my office, hotels, cars. Pretty much where ever we could.
  • Broken – The Close Call
    Broken is a story that is best read Chronologically to start from the beginning – Prologue We were starting to get so deep in each other. I don’t know how but we spent … Continue reading “Broken – The Close Call”
  • Broken – Sweet Side and Red Flags
    While the foundation of our affair was based on sex and intimacy it started to balance itself with a very sweet side. That is my default mindset is to be nice and kind always steering it to stability and peace.
  • Broken – “I Love You”
    We were about 3 months into our relationship and after a series of sexcapades everywhere and anywhere we decided we wanted some romance and spend a day with each other. I got … Continue reading “Broken – “I Love You””
  • Broken – Bliss and Chaos pt. 1
    When you are first in love there is a blissful period. You want to know everything about this person and they you. The universe couldn’t look better. Things are more colorful, smell better, things are funnier, and you are just generally more happy. We were no exception.
  • Broken – Bliss and Chaos pt. 2
    It wasn’t long before I settled back into my blissful state. Completely unaware of the ugly world around me. I wanted to believe she could keep her husband under control. I didn’t even question too much of what happens next. She anticipated months of talks and probably breaking up.
  • Broken – Fallout and Anxiety
    He knows! The drive home gave me a sickening feeling. Wasn’t it only a matter of time before all this blows up and we become the scandal of the town? What did I just do?
  • Broken – Hailey and Me
    I am taking a spot in the middle to describe Hailey and myself. It is important to get an understanding of these two people and how they came together. We make no sense in any way. I am understated and she is overstated. She can be down to earth and I can be sophisticated.
  • Broken – Vacation
    I managed to escape our city and for vacation without the world coming crashing down on my head. It was a bit of relief but the underlying anxiety existed. I spoke to Hailey daily and often.
  • Broken – Reality Hits
    We are back from vacation. We are just in that lazing around the house mode from travel. I am not relaxed and getting anxious again. I sit in my chair looking out the window. And within hours of coming back. I see it!!
  • Broken – What Are We Doing?
    Looking back I don’t know how we made it through the end of that summer and a good portion of the fall. We would continue to meet and he would continue to catch us. We hadn’t done it in a while but I snuck her in the house one day.
  • Broken – Surreal
    After the fallout of getting caught, again, Hailey was in constant turmoil with James. He worked from home and she didn’t work that much. So they would argue all through out the day while their kids were at school. It was probably torturous for her. I imagine for him as well.
  • Broken – That Didn’t Last Long
    We last about 8 days with a message or two in there but minimal. Then it broke back into talking again. We would keep it quieter than last time or she would try. We couldn’t help it we just wanted to be together. We were keeping each other going in life.
  • Broken – Again
    Hailey was back and we were in back in a state of her needing to give her marriage a chance talk. That break we didn’t give a shot. However she wanted to see me one last time. She arranged her yearly trip to a hotel for time away and some Christmas shopping. Of course we had a plan for me to meet her there.
  • Broken – Things Move Fast
    Hailey seems like really good person but calling her impulsive would be an understatement. At this point I didn’t know but would later think that she is clinically self absorbed or worse. James is a narcissist and this created possibly the most volatile combination in a marriage I have ever seen.
  • Broken – What Now?
    Now that Hailey told James she wanted out, in my world that would be almost immediate, but not with them. He would hold on and try to convince her not to go. I never understood this. Why would you want to be with someone who didn’t want to be with you.
  • Broken – One Year In
    It seems impossible but it was about 1 year into my relationship with Hailey, and almost 6 months since James found out. How were we doing this? How are we still able to see each other and be with each other and block out the flaming world around us.
  • Broken – Strange Times
    At this point Hailey had told James she wanted out. He was pleading with her to stay. I had no idea where this left things with them. They were as transparent as mud… they would vacillate back and forth all the time. But I knew the trajectory was going in a certain direction.
  • Broken – You’re What?
    At this point after their family vacation Hailey was telling me how she had enough of James. I describe these things as transgressions because it’s their story is not mine to tell. But based on what she told me I could understand her losing her patience.
  • Broken – What if?
    The internal fallout from Hailey accelerating her separation left me disoriented initially. We talked about being together a lot but never about logistics. It was all just fantasy at that point, never when or how it would look like.
  • Broken – Our First Overnight
    It was April a few months after our first year plus long relationship that we had a chance to have an overnight. My family was away and I was home. I set up the downstairs in a nice way to accommodate us for the night.
  • Broken – Spring Forward
    In the aftermath of our overnight we were still ducking James. He would go in and out of caring and not. I would meet Hailey typically before therapy. A quick conversation and make out session. It was getting deeper. Hailey was starting to work on healing and her future.
  • Broken – Hailey’s Single
    It was June and the house was sold. The process of moving had begun and James had already found a townhouse in the city right next door. Hailey found a place that wouldn’t be ready til August.
  • Broken – I Can’t Believe This
    It was a few days after I spent that first night with her and she was different. I couldn’t tell what… just in those few days, but she gave me quite a few “you better hurry” jokes. But I brushed them off as her being charming. We liked to needle each other in a fun way. It was part of our rapport.
  • Broken – My Journey
    I know I write mostly about Hailey and I, even Hailey and James. Mostly because that was such a big part of the story. I know for some there seems to be this critical piece that was missing. Home life.
  • Broken – Love Sick
    Hailey were thousands of miles apart but it may have been millions. She was on her vacation I was on mine. She had her kids. We would talk everyday. She would be in and out of being like old times and then totally different.
  • Broken – Reclamation
    Broken is a story that is best read Chronologically to start from the beginning – Prologue It was just about a week since the email. Finally we agreed to discuss it in person … Continue reading “Broken – Reclamation”
  • Broken – Did she just…?
    Hailey came to visit at the office one more time before our planned weekend together. We just went to the cafeteria and got a salad. It was sweet, regular, void of the usual drama that came with out interactions lately good or bad. We were back to just being together and it was nice.
  • Broken – The Perfect Night
    My family was out of town for the weekend and Hailey and I decided to get together this was the weekend she referred to in the now infamous email. This time I really wanted to show her a good time. We had that sort of regular hangout night that first overnight.
  • Broken – Her First Night
    It was the end of summer and Hailey had just moved into her new place. It was her first night there. She decided she wanted to be alone. So she arranged for the kids to be at James’s. We were talking through out the day but she was busy.
  • Broken – Here We Go Again
    Hailey was settling in and we were doing pretty well. We had managed to figure out how we could see each other I would go over in the mornings. We would have coffee and fuck. It worked for her she was busy with the kids and her work. Only the nights got rough, those weekend nights where she didn’t have the kids.
  • Broken – Her Birthday
    Hailey’s birthday is in the fall and for reasons beyond my understanding she had made a big deal about it. Not that I am against making it a big deal. But considering where we were in life it seemed arbitrary on the actual date vs. making sure we had an opportunity in the not to distant future to celebrate it.
  • Broken – It’s Time
    It was building I could feel it. It was building for a year and that night I went to bed and I had a panic attack which felt like a heart attack as my wife sought reassurance again. The entire night it never went away I actually contemplated going to the ER.
  • Broken – The Aftermath
    The aftermath was hell. Literal hell. Telling my kids was brutal. I told them it was my choice. If they would be angry it was going to be with me. Why, because I could take it, I am not sure my wife could. On top of what was already happening between us, upset kids was the least I could take off her plate.
  • Broken – WTAF!? Pt. 1
    For the first week Hailey was super sweet to me. Every morning. “Good Morning Handsome.” Every night… “Tell me about your night.” She knew I was going through hell.
  • Broken – WTAF?! Pt. 2
    It had been just under 3 weeks, 18 days since the worst day of my entire life. But I was about to catch a break. I had to travel for work and thought “hey this might be an opportunity to spend some quality time and travel with Hailey”.
  • Broken – I Have Nothing Left
    Broken is a story that is best read Chronologically to start from the beginning – Prologue In the immediate aftermath of just getting crushed twice in less than a month. And my what … Continue reading “Broken – I Have Nothing Left”
  • Broken – Are you Fucking Kidding Me?
    It was time and Hailey came over one night to talk. I was in a AirBnb. It was cute and she remarked about it. I made a quip and said did you think I would pick a dump. A little tension breaker. We talked about us to start.
  • Broken – Where do I go from here?
    In the aftermath of Hailey’s revelation I didn’t know what to do. She still said she wanted to see me and made plans with me. But I was trying to figure it all out.
  • Broken – The Dance
    As you can see there wasn’t in much of clarification that was forthcoming for me. I would spend the next several days just continuing to talk. We had some back and forth moments that were sweet and some were confusing.
  • Broken – Settling Back In
    In the following days after Christmas we started to settle back into wanting to be with each other. Hailey would tell me she was still having a rough time with everything. Never really clarifying what it was but I just was settling into the idea of seeing her but also other people.
  • Broken – It’s a New Year
    As the New Year rolled around and passed I recalled something that happened earlier in my relationship with Hailey. Actually one prior NYE. Life was falling apart for her, we were both at home and she was having a tough time.
  • Broken – Fed Up
    In the weeks that followed I was having trouble getting Hailey’s time. She would tell me that we would see each other this day and that day. And then have to cancel or cut it short.
  • Broken – Dating
    Here we go… I launched my Tinder, Bumble, and Hinge game for the first time as a single person. I was putting myself out there. It was scary. I had to put Hailey out of my mind.
  • Broken – This is Interesting
    Dating apps are funny. I probably didn’t start out with a great profile. It’s hard when you have been married and then into another relationship. I didn’t have the pictures some of the other people had, those sense of adventures.. I just had to put up what I could find.
  • Broken – What!?
    It had been almost 3 weeks of dating. I had met probably 8 women and some multiple times. It was an exhausting pace. I think I even had multiple dates in the same day more than once. It was just nuts.
  • Broken – The Conversation
    Hailey arrived at my building. I had to go down stairs to let her in as it is a secure building. I let her in the door and you could see the fear in her eyes. And she could probably see the frustration in mine.
  • Broken – Valentine’s Day
    It was Valentine’s Day and Hailey and I were supposed to have dinner and come back to my place for drinks. We had already spent a day or two together since our conversation. I made reservations so last minute I had to call a place and beg them.
  • New Category – F#cking Dating
    Coming Soon… I am creating a new section in the blog “F#cking Dating”. It is about my dating foibles and sexual stories. I may cross reference between my story “Broken” and here. But I will not mention timelines those will exist in the story. These are just one-off fun reads.
  • Broken – We Are In Different Places
    The next day after Valentine’s she had plans with a friend. the lone person I met in her life. I decided to go out with a singles group I had joined. It was my really only source of Adult interaction besides her I had at the moment. My friends were busy with their families.
  • Gorilla – My f#cking playlist
    I have been inspired to include music somehow in my writing. It is such an important part of my life and I am a big believer in creating ambience. Music and Lights are part of that process. Not that they are necessary to achieve a level of intimacy. But it adds something..
  • Broken – I Am Not In A Good Place
    In the weeks that followed Valentine’s day we settled back into just being a couple. We had both wound down our “seeing other people”. She would come over for lunch, we would spend a few nights a week together. We were busy with school related activities. It was nice and normal.
  • F#cking Dating – I Can’t Believe I Did That
    Pandemic dating can be a little interesting. People’s sensibilities are all over the place. My thought is this. I wear my mask. I don’t see anyone except my daughter, ex, my parents, and a few friends. So having a date with someone who is of similar mindset is a very low risk.
  • Broken – I Want To Throw Up
    It was real and what I thought it was. Hailey was considering going back with James. It was strange my heart didn’t hurt as much as I wanted to throw up. I told her that he will want to make you pay, he will want to be intimate with you. It literally disgusted me.
  • Tennessee Whiskey – My F#cking Playlist
    Ok I am not a country fan but Tennessee Whiskey by Chris Stapleton is a sexy, sexy song. When I think of it I picture a slow dance and a slow undressing. Guys and gals do this and after whatever the sex no matter what should be great.
  • Broken – What’s Next
    In early Covid time it was a different dating scene more phone calls, texts and facetiming. Everyone wanted to be sure of something (I don’t know really what) before they met someone. Oh yes if the person was worth it. Which is also a determination necessary in person.
  • Broken – Level Set
    I am going to break the cycle a bit for this post and speak directly to you and narrate where we are. I wanted to fill in some gaps and share some thoughts on my post yesterday and just overall. I think my writing style didn’t serve me well yesterday. I think I sometimes need to add more color to a few things to paint a better picture.
  • F#cking Dating – Peruvian Goddess
    So I had this all over the place experience with my online dating. I still had this black out area of women my own age. It was so strange. Then came the young ones. Being in my mid-40s I had a little trepidation about how young is too young?
  • Broken – Jennifer
    We had spoken at first to see about dating after meeting on one of the dating apps. She is a single mom and lives in the same city, she was cute, smart, and super warm. We talked a great deal about music, vibrations and wavelengths.
  • Broken – Sub Girl
    I was still talking with Jennifer but hadn’t had a chance to meet with each other yet. While waiting for that there was someone else who I had been chatting with for a bit. We had good chemistry and she opened up to me about something.
  • Broken – Incredulous
    It was early May about 6 weeks, but felt like 2 years, into some form of lockdown. Initially pretty restricted but things were getting better as well. Not great. I can barely describe what being single and living alone feels like during this time.
  • Broken – Giving It a Try
    In the wake of my mini explosion over Hailey’s boundary crossing, something she apparently loves to do or never recognizes, I kind of took a break. I just tried to focus on myself. Things got better really locally and Outdoor dining started to open up.
  • Broken – Thoughts
    These are the thoughts I have had so many times about Hailey. I was always just this close to having it all. She was my future, the woman I wanted to spend a great deal of time with. I never wanted to get too far ahead with it. I just wanted to see if the magic worked in the real world.
  • Broken – This World is Too Small
    As the spring turned into early summer I was kicking around talking to a few people and Jennifer. We had slept with each other a few times but it never progressed into true romance.
  • Broken – You Aren’t Going to Believe This
    So it had been a few weeks of sitting on this secret. I would spend about once a week with Jennifer and sometimes Jennifer and her son. It was nice to be around a little one again. Mine were teenagers so it was kind of fun.
  • Purple Rain – My F#cking Playlist
    Ok this might be the most polarizing song in my playlist. Just because not everyone likes the song. Why is it sexy? Maybe it’s just Prince or the movie or the chorus of basically moaning.
  • Broken – Back Out There
    It had been a few weeks of no dating in early June as things were opening up. Patio dining specifically. We had no active cases in our city. It felt like it was time to try a little bit and get back out there in terms of dating.
  • Broken – Born to Run
    All those things were important but the running was all encompassing. I had runs to clear my head, fill my head, and just reflect. But as bad as this may sound nothing was more important than my Revenge runs.

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