Broken is a story that is best read Chronologically to start from the beginning – Prologue
I picked up my phone and downloaded Tinder. My heart was racing and I felt like I was betraying my marriage. But I said how could I betray someone I have no romantic relationship with. You couldn’t betray a family member by looking for a romantic connection. That’s how I talked myself through it.
The app was installed. I already ran into roadblocks… How do I even create a profile? I can’t put my pictures on it. So I grabbed a stock photo of a blank background. I put my initial, my age, and something that said “Married in loveless marriage, looking for chemistry and connection.” I wanted to be honest as strange as that sounds. My desire was to find out if someone could be attracted to me for who I was and see how it would develop from there.
I didn’t swipe much. I did only on profiles that I thought could be women doing the same thing. No pictures or disguised pictures of something else. I tried to be careful… I only did this at work. My thought was distance is good. If I ever meet someone it would be someone I didn’t know.
Barely any matches were made until one day I matched. A similar profile, except it had a picture of her shoulder and a landscape. We had a few quick flirty moments and exchanged kik accounts. It didn’t take long of her to ask for a picture. I had some ready to go as I knew this was going to happen eventually. I sent them as I held my breath. I was exposing myself to this person I didn’t know.
That’s when she said something that made me nearly throw up and my heart explode at the same time… “I think I know who you are” You are from “This place”. Holy Shit! She is right. I tried to deny it but she laughed. And I thought she has me. Great I haven’t even so much as had a conversation and I am busted. How terrible am I at this?
She tried to comfort me by saying don’t worry your secret is safe with me. I told her repeatedly thank you. She even gave me the “I am doing the same thing, so no judgement” line to make me feel better. I asked her if she would tell me who she was and she laughed. So that’s great I will walk around all wondering if anyone in my immediate orbit knew. It was also a Friday and we kind of started to say goodbyes so the entire weekend to think about it. No distractions from work.
I managed the weekend but with definite anxiety over what I had done and who might know. Monday morning I decided to reach out to my new match and tell her that I was grateful for the way she handled it and that I appreciated her discretion. And that is when things got interesting…