Broken – Reality Hits

We are back from vacation. We are just in that lazing around the house mode from travel. I am not relaxed and getting anxious again. I sit in my chair looking out the window. And within hours of coming back. I see it!!

Broken is a story that is best read Chronologically to start from the beginning – Prologue

We are back from vacation. We are just in that lazing around the house mode from travel. I am not relaxed and getting anxious again. I sit in my chair looking out the window. And within hours of coming back. I see it!!

James’s car coming down my street. He peers out menacingly. I brace for the worst. It doesn’t come he just drives away. This would be the first of many drive by’s. It didn’t spark the panic I thought. I was more angry. Angry he would take it that far. James is a bigger guy but out of shape. I have met his type before. A bully but not ready for conflict. I have been the bullied before but never backed down. I have just added about 20lbs of muscle to my frame since those days. I am ready for what comes my way. But certainly not emotionally.

I immediately message Hailey, she is always less panicked about these things. She said I am sorry but he is unlikely to do anything. He is just being a jerk. I really press her on how messy this could get. Our kids, our lives. If he gets too close I might react and then it’s a shit show.

I can tell I was upsetting her and she says something I didn’t expect “Well I just love you and I want everyone to know.” I really don’t know how to react to this. It seems almost sweet and makes me feel special. But it’s so irrational and selfish at the same time. I always told her. I want to shout out our love from the rooftops but I don’t want to hurt people in the process. Especially those she and I both care about deeply. The most important person who should know that I love her, is her.

We would spend that entire summer going back and forth like this. She is supposed to no longer be near me and he would continue to stalk me for months. It felt never ending. But I couldn’t let her go. I just loved her even when she brought this drama upon her when she told him she was in love and having an affair.

When she first told him I warned her. If you want to leave your marriage and this is your approach it will be all about what you did and not what really causes the problems in your marriage. I always knew that and for most people out there should know this as well… Rarely is an affair a root cause of problems in a marriage. It’s typically a symptom of a bad one. Now that isn’t universal and it’s not justifying any affair, but this was the case for the both of us. Especially me. My marriage was broken long before Hailey became a part of my life. But I knew she would never be able to deal with the struggles in her marriage again. It would always be about me.

I should have realized then all my rational well thought out guidance wasn’t going to land. Hailey will tell you she didn’t have much choice but she really always did what she wanted. What masked me seeing it so clearly was my love and the thought she was doing this all for me and to be with me…

Author: Matt

Hi, I’m Matt. Just your average uneventful guy. Dedicated Dad, emapth, and nurturer. Going through something I couldn’t possible ever thought possible. My story is called Broken. About an affair at the end of a long marriage and how ultimately I experienced the worst heartbreak of my life. It's honest, raw, and a little bit entertaining. I hope to share my story so people can learn while being therapeutic for myself.

6 thoughts on “Broken – Reality Hits”

  1. Because this is written from the vantage point of looking back, I can see you are now aware of the components a narcissist employs to get what they want, but what I want to know is, did you have any idea about the depths of her narcissism at the time? I am sitting here shouting red flag, red flag, back away right now… I know you don’t, and it makes me feel sad for the way you were being pulled in.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. There was such a subtlety to it all I never saw entirely what was happening. I am what I would call a pretty naive guy and thought “there is good in everyone.”


  2. It’s sad and liberating at the same time. The high of being in love where all the points connect makes one blind, irrational, or maybe even feeling some denial.

    I keep thinking, if yiu both had dealt with your family/marriage situation before continuing (instead of pretending you can have it both ways) would that love/connection have prevailed?

    Going to keep reading…

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I had so many thoughts like that along the way. I wish I could accurately convey the speed at which this moved. It was staggering in real time. Hailey’s world moved so fast. I was always trying to keep up.

      Liked by 1 person

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