Broken – Surreal

After the fallout of getting caught, again, Hailey was in constant turmoil with James. He worked from home and she didn’t work that much. So they would argue all through out the day while their kids were at school. It was probably torturous for her. I imagine for him as well.

Broken is a story that is best read Chronologically to start from the beginning – Prologue

After the fallout of getting caught, again, Hailey was in constant turmoil with James. He worked from home and she didn’t work that much. So they would argue all through out the day while their kids were at school. It was probably torturous for her. I imagine for him as well.

James is a narcissist with emotionally abusive tendencies. It would create a cycle and wild swings in his mood. He would lash out and be angry then a few days later he would tell her how he would change and be better and how much he loved her. What was interesting about this all was how I was getting pulled into this cycle.

Hailey would message me. James wants to know what your plan is… “Excuse me? What do you mean by that? And why would he care?” I never really got clarification on any of this. All i could ascertain was she was probably telling him that if I left home she wanted to be with me. Which only kept the heat squarely on me. I can’t even think about the psychology behind this. It boggles my mind today as much as it did in that time.

I knew after getting in deep with Hailey I had to put an end to my marriage. It wasn’t fair to be living the lie anymore. And I don’t even mean about the affair, about us being in a happy or even in remotely a healthy marriage. We weren’t and it killed me.

That being said I wasn’t going to be rushed by someone especially an angry husband or Hailey’s impatience. I needed to do what was best for me and my family. But it was all so surreal. We would have these conversations while she was forbidden to see me. We still managed to get time in, parking lots, garages, anywhere. We would meet for 20-30 minutes if we could. And yes still have sex.

But it was time to deal with reality. Something had to be done James was percolating, Hailey was being worn down. It was the fall and it was time for a break. So Hailey sent me a message…

I’m not sure James and I can really forgive each other. I just know my whole self is consumed by you I can’t even think about my marriage. He is trying though. I want to ride things out. I guess I’m just letting you know I’m not sure what 3 or 4 months will bring. It could go either way. I will never have the same thing with him that i have with you. It is sweet, kind, caring, romantic, sexy, loving. Want me to go on? But to be fair there is deep friendship that helps the marriage not blow up.  My kids…it just got to me Saturday. I feel for them. I’m missing their childhood these past few years. On one hand divorcing makes sense if this goes on, if we can regulate then it’s not so clear. Do you understand?  This has been going on long before you but now I have my wish of a sober husband a little too late maybe bc I’m in love with you.

I sighed and we replied a few times and agreed to take a break. No contact for a few months. I went into the bathroom and cried. The thought of no contact with her made me lose it. I’m in love with you too Hailey…

Author: Matt

Hi, I’m Matt. Just your average uneventful guy. Dedicated Dad, emapth, and nurturer. Going through something I couldn’t possible ever thought possible. My story is called Broken. About an affair at the end of a long marriage and how ultimately I experienced the worst heartbreak of my life. It's honest, raw, and a little bit entertaining. I hope to share my story so people can learn while being therapeutic for myself.

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