Broken – Again

Hailey was back and we were in back in a state of her needing to give her marriage a chance talk. That break we didn’t give a shot. However she wanted to see me one last time. She arranged her yearly trip to a hotel for time away and some Christmas shopping. Of course we had a plan for me to meet her there.


Broken is a story that is best read Chronologically to start from the beginning – Prologue

Hailey was back and we were in back in a state of her needing to give her marriage a chance talk. That break we didn’t give a shot. However she wanted to see me one last time. She arranged her yearly trip to a hotel for time away and some Christmas shopping. Of course we had a plan for me to meet her there.

We met and made love although I sensed something different this time. She was going to go through with it. She said I really need to do this. The Holidays always made her sad. I think it was because her life was so messed up for the past few years and she just wanted to have a good Christmas for her kids. I understood and always told her I would let her go. If she needs too. I maintained always if she wants out of her marriage it has to be for her

I always pushed her back from leaving for me. I never wanted that for her kids but for her as well. I didn’t want to be something she regretted just months after leaving. So this was sort of a temporary maybe permanent good bye.

While in the room she started to get messages from James. “I know he is there”. Are you fucking kidding me? Again. How would he know? Later my suspicion is he stuck a tracking device on my or both of our cars at some point. But also he could have asked what was on the bill for the hotel. He may see that she ordered a drink for me sent to the room before I got there. It didn’t matter shit was hitting the fan again. Things would spiral all over again.

I actually Jason Bourned it out of the hotel. I went down a bunch of stairs and then across the entire hotel. Avoiding the lobby in case he was there.

I told her never to admit it but she finally gave in after his exhausting questioning when he got home.

Later she messaged me that she needed to focus on figuring things out. Her message telling me good bye for now…

I will think of your voice and your eyes and kissing your lips.  I will be missing you and aching for you and crying like a baby…but I can do this freely, I’m sorry you can not.  I love you, very much.  You are my favorite person.  If I see you I may run to you and throw myself in your arms.  xo til later

She really could say the sweetest most loving things. No one ever said anything remotely like this to me. I was crushed again. I felt like I was part of their emotional abuse cycle. It was so up and down but it had been this way since the beginning. There is a pattern to all this and as an Analyst for a living I notice these things. What is going on here. Why does this keep happening. The ups and downs of her and James were exhausting. But I loved her and always thought if she wanted to leave and we had the opportunity it would be peaceful with us.

At this point I was devastated once again and thought this could be it…

Author: Matt

Hi, I’m Matt. Just your average uneventful guy. Dedicated Dad, emapth, and nurturer. Going through something I couldn’t possible ever thought possible. My story is called Broken. About an affair at the end of a long marriage and how ultimately I experienced the worst heartbreak of my life. It's honest, raw, and a little bit entertaining. I hope to share my story so people can learn while being therapeutic for myself.

2 thoughts on “Broken – Again”

  1. While in it, ignoring the pattern becomes second nature. Almost like counting the time before the feel good part comes back, instinctively knowing it comes back. Then falling again.

    So hard. So heartbreaking.

    Liked by 1 person

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