Broken is a story that is best read Chronologically to start from the beginning – Prologue
At this point Hailey had told James she wanted out. He was pleading with her to stay. I had no idea where this left things with them. They were as transparent as mud… they would vacillate back and forth all the time. But I knew the trajectory was going in a certain direction.
They had one more vacation scheduled and started talking November in terms of separating. Which is really strange. Once you decide isn’t that supposed to be it. It’s complicated I guess with finances and kids. But they were so volatile what would be left by November.
Our dynamic stayed similar although we were still dodging James. They head to vacation and she complains about what is going on while they are there. How awful and over the top he can be. She frequently mentions that she doesn’t know how long it will last. I probably should have paid more attention to this. But I offer my support and love to try to get her through.
I had to start thinking about my own trajectory. I really needed to make an effort and focus on my own world. What was I going to do? How was I going to make my transition for myself and my family? I was so consumed with Hailey and James and fending off total disaster. How do I approach my situation. I wanted to try and end things with as much grace as I could. So I started a process of taking care of the house, finances, and having conversations about my marriage.
I had to be careful because we wouldn’t do the scarface like ending Hailey and James do. It will be sad, hard but probably somewhat dignified. I wanted to make sure transition for my family was as smooth and gradual as one could make this. While also maintaining my relationship with Hailey.
I did want to be with Hailey but knew I had to do it the right way. At some point I would need to ask for a little space to deal with it. But right now I need to put my head down and work to make it a possibility. The way I would frame it always was I was going to make myself available for the possibility of Hailey and I. But I was prepared for the fact that we may not work out so I had to be resolute in my decision that is was best for my life. It was the second time in 20 plus years I had thought about my own needs. The first time manifested in Hailey, would the second time have the same manifestation?