Broken – What if?

The internal fallout from Hailey accelerating her separation left me disoriented initially. We talked about being together a lot but never about logistics. It was all just fantasy at that point, never when or how it would look like.

Broken is a story that is best read Chronologically to start from the beginning – Prologue

The internal fallout from Hailey accelerating her separation left me disoriented initially. We talked about being together a lot but never about logistics. It was all just fantasy at that point, never when or how it would look like. I was sort of caught between two aspects of this. I wanted her to make her own decisions but maybe thought we would coordinate a little. I know that sounds like a little bit of a contradiction but I still thought it was possible.

Probably just wanted earlier transparency. You would think after all the impulsive moments. Her telling James, Asking me to pick her up on a moments notice, taking my keys, etc. I would be expecting this. But I wasn’t. I just thought adults take their time with big life decisions. And that our fantasy discussion would mature into actual ones… slower.

What this did was accelerate their process in hiring lawyers and discussing divorce. The sale of an asset would certainly be held in escrow until they filed for divorce. And they haven’t even been separated yet. The sheer breakdown of natural progression for this process made it chaotic. And it gave them a new way to poke at each other. So on top of his ups and downs and her antagonizing him with the thought of me it just added so much stress to an already stressful situation.

Once again I tried to be supportive. I even reviewed and printed her out her filing papers. I would try to help her with her resume and doing better financially. I did this for her. I didn’t ever need her to be financially well off. I just genuinely worried about her and her children. I knew James would always try to do the bare minimum. And to some degree that was fine. But he did that to hurt her and I know that.

We were still seeing each other but both preparing for what was next. Never for a moment did I think our love was in any jeopardy. She would still say the most amazing things to me tell me how much she loved me. She remarked to me as we attended a school event for our kids (who were in the same grade). I will be there with my ex-husband (she was married twice), current husband, and future husband. I was flattered and thought it was so funny at the same time.

That event was interesting and we found ourselves face to face. Away from most people. I couldn’t believe it. Is this the universe pushing us together? We actually had a few minutes of conversation and almost forgot where we were. She had always said “don’t be surprised if I see you and throw my arms around you”. I quickly snapped to reality told her I loved her and I got away when I remembered that both of our spouses were there. And one of them knows I exist in the way I do with Hailey.

I sat in a location where I could see James but he wouldn’t see me but I could see him combing the crowd. We all sat there like nothing had ever happened it was a little surreal. We managed to get out of there without the world blowing up… Thank God! Sometimes it is challenging to date someone in the same office, gym, or even town. Let me tell you an affair with this much proximity really delivers on that anxiety equally as much as it has any deliciousness to it.

Author: Matt

Hi, I’m Matt. Just your average uneventful guy. Dedicated Dad, emapth, and nurturer. Going through something I couldn’t possible ever thought possible. My story is called Broken. About an affair at the end of a long marriage and how ultimately I experienced the worst heartbreak of my life. It's honest, raw, and a little bit entertaining. I hope to share my story so people can learn while being therapeutic for myself.

13 thoughts on “Broken – What if?”

  1. “I will be there with my ex-husband (she was married twice), current husband, and future husband.” This statement really stands out to me. And, it does make me wonder about her transition from her first husband to James.
    All of you being under the same roof at the school… I am very glad this didn’t blow up…it could have been so ugly. It is almost surreal to me that it didn’t, and that James still hasn’t confronted you in a public way.
    You are telling your story in such a powerful way, Matt. I’m sending hugs your way because I can only imagine the stress that you experienced during this time, and probably even now. I hope that the writing of your story is healing for you, cathartic even.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Thank you for your hugs I am going to need more of them as this unfolds. I am surprised as well that he has never confronted me. He did try one night but that was it. My best guess, if he is a narcissist, it is a bully mentality. He would rather smear, manipulate, and passively aggressively hurt me than actually confront me. It also wounds his pride and ego so making any of this public just paints him as a cuckold. And deep down inside he probably knows his part in Hailey’s own transgressions. Those two were a hot mess with all that. Giving a little bit away of what’s to come but not too much.

      And as always thank you Nora for your encouragement.

      Liked by 2 people

      1. Oh yes one more point, sorry Nora… Hailey wasn’t even divorced form Husband 1 before she was engaged to James. Her and James knew each other since childhood went to the same High School.

        Liked by 1 person

  2. Wow, Nora hit right on the point I was going to make. I have no counselling/therapist experience to come at this with, but I have a deep and abiding working knowledge of living with a narcissist. I was My ex-husband’s third wife. The thing that strikes me about the “I will be there with my ex-husband (she was married twice), current husband, and future husband.” statement is this, when a person points out the triangle she is creating in a room with her ex, soon to be ex and her future, alarm bells are ringing for me. She was getting a buzz from having all three men around her all at the same time. She was feeding her own narcissism in that moment.
    I may be wrong, but even as confrontational as I can be, I would not have put myself in that position, in fact I would have gone all out to try and avoid it. It also appears that Hailey is a past master at setting up her next husband before the last one is out of the door.
    I’m sorry, I could be speaking way out of line here, you may still be together and I am trampling all over your feelings, but having lived with a bottom feeding narcissist for 20 years I have little or no patience with their manipulations. They just make the warrior in me come out to play. I want to hug you and tell you to run away now while you still can. The anxiety and stress she is creating for you because she controls your heart is mind bending in its manipulation. All the way through every post I’ve read thus far, I read how much you love her, I note it was she who brought up the subject of feelings in the first instance, even after she warned you not to fall in love with her. She told you first. I started to mistrust her at that point I’m afraid.
    Sorry Matt, I hope I’m not battering your feelings here, I’m just mad as hell at the game play you have been pulled into.

    Liked by 3 people

    1. You are not battering my feelings. Keep commenting. I will try to refrain from any sort of reveal until it’s time. This could be fun as we figure out what happens next. I think that is the aspect of this that floors me too and I am living it… Is- what happens next?

      Liked by 1 person

  3. I find that you, even while inside this chaotic and highly volatile affair, manage to remain a steady, practical and calm(ish) person. Maybe not internally, but you keep the big picture in your line of vision.

    The comment about the ex, present and future husband thing…right on. It gives H something to feed on that she needs, perhaps for validation?

    Simultaneously, I don’t doubt that the love and connection was real. I believe both of you. Perhaps H finally did find what she had been looking for all this time with you?

    I’ll keep reading.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. I am so fully immersed in your story. I feel for you completely, as someone who was so opposed to infidelity I found after 14 years of marriage (19 years total) together living like roommates and having no connection except to be used to make his life comfortable I see why some people look outside their marriage. I agree with you on how she needed to end her marriage for herself and not you. I currently have feelings for an old friend, and in the midst of dealing with my own divorce. But before I made the move to divorce I made sure it was for me and me only. I had been wanting it well before my friend and I reconnected. We have never seen each other face to face other than to facetime, and we make no romantic overturns to each other, but the flirtations are there. My heart breaks for you, I do feel bad for your family as well as your wife. It’s not a great situation to be in, but you have to be selfish sometimes and make yourself happy, when done for the right reasons which I truly feel your’s is, your kids learn a valuable lesson in ensuring their happiness and valuing their self worth.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Thank you Storm! And thank you for your time and investment into my story. I hope that I can help people. I hope to see your feedback as you get further in. Please enjoy reading. I am so sorry about your situation glad you are working on it and hope you find your happiness.


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