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Broken – I Can’t Believe This

It was a few days after I spent that first night with her and she was different. I couldn’t tell what… just in those few days, but she gave me quite a few “you better hurry” jokes. But I brushed them off as her being charming. We liked to needle each other in a fun way. It was part of our rapport.

Broken is a story that is best read Chronologically to start from the beginning – Prologue

It was a few days after I spent that first night with her and she was different. I couldn’t tell what… just in those few days, but she gave me quite a few “you better hurry” jokes. But I brushed them off as her being charming. We liked to needle each other in a fun way. It was part of our rapport.

My family vacation was coming and likely the last one I would probably have. And I really needed to switch gears and prepare for myself. But it also signaled a time and space where it would be a month til we could see each other.

She would go away a few days after I left and then be back a few days before I got back but then would leave again. If it sounds confusing it was. We just knew we wouldn’t be able to see each other til late July. Hailey always said “I hate when you go on this trip”. I never understood this she even said it last year even before she was separated. Not to mention she was going away with James and the kids after her separation. And I wondered… “how is that any different you have only been on your own a few short days.”

In my logical brain I knew that there would be a transition after separation. A moment of sadness and a hard time logistically as you entered a new phase of family and spending time away from the kids. It wasn’t this way with her. She was instantly in single mode. I thought- Ok this is probably what it’s like after 14 years of marriage. She had already been out with me and girlfriends just in the first week. But I thought that is just Hailey

Then on the day I was leaving we were messaging and I was trying to see if she had places to stay and enough plans. She said she would be homeless for about 10 days and would try to figure somethings out. This broke my heart. I even offered to pay for a room for her.

Then in the course of our conversation she blurted out “something is different” and “things have changed”. I asked “what are you talking about?” “Well I am just dating a married man now” Hailey said. “And one that isn’t available”. I honestly didn’t know how to respond. My heart sank. Didn’t we tell each other we loved each other just the other day? How could this be?

Then she hit me with it… “Someone asked me out to dinner and I was flattered.” Instant heartbreak. There is something about me where when someone no longer wants me I shift into goodbye mode very quickly. So I started to shift into final language. But she reeled me back. She said “I am not going but I need to think about this and where I am at.” Even as I write this now I can feel my heart rate elevate and get warm from adrenaline. I am a cut to the quick type of person so I ask… “Does this mean you are done?” She said “not necessarily”. Just ugh.. to the bathroom to cry before I get on the plane.

Looking back Hailey would always drop these leading and open ended statements like “Someone asked me out to dinner and I was flattered”. It was the first time I ever thought I may never see her again. And unfortunately it wouldn’t be the last.

Author: Matt

Hi, I’m Matt. Just your average uneventful guy. Going through something I couldn’t possible ever thought possible.

11 thoughts on “Broken – I Can’t Believe This”

      1. It does. And also they you for the kind words on my writing. I battled with it all the way through school until finally a teacher broke through to me in my senior year. She taught me how to write in my voice. So it is appreciated.

        Liked by 1 person

  1. Like Cassandra wrote above, I was expecting this. I don’t want to sound overly judgemental, but she does seem to always behave with her own self-interests in mind (and not necessarily yours). As one of your faithful readers…it hurts me to see this moving in this direction, and I imagine that you were torn up inside.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Seems like she was testing how you loved her. Why she chose the moment to tell you something like that before you hop on a plane to go on vacay with your wife and fam was NOT a coincidence.

    Though you’ve tagged posts with narcissist….she seems like she has more borderline personality traits, this post being one of them. And if it’s really that….your poor heart. Loving someone like that is hard. (Sorry for diagnosing someone I don’t know. I try not to do that.)

    “Even as I write this now I can feel my heart rate elevate and get warm from adrenaline.” Wow…Those feelings are still pretty raw for you even now? I don’t know how much time has passed between now and then. But, oh, Matt….hope it doesn’t feel that way for you forever.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thanks Cara. I think it was the sting of that moment. There are times when I write these and they are just memories and there are times when I relive it a little. Thank you for all your kind words. All will be revealed as discovery is still happening and I want to go back and show the psychology behind what happened. It’s my cathartic project.

      Liked by 1 person

  3. I thought the same thing as Cara on how she would drop this line right before your vacation. As an outsider without ever having met her it feels like manipulation. And as the others I have been expecting her change now that she’s divorced and single. My heart is breaking for you as you relive this memory. Sending you hugs

    Liked by 1 person

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