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Broken – Did she just…?

Hailey came to visit at the office one more time before our planned weekend together. We just went to the cafeteria and got a salad. It was sweet, regular, void of the usual drama that came with out interactions lately good or bad. We were back to just being together and it was nice.

Broken is a story that is best read Chronologically to start from the beginning – Prologue

Hailey came to visit at the office one more time before our planned weekend together. We just went to the cafeteria and got a salad. It was sweet, regular, void of the usual drama that came with our interactions lately good or bad. We were back to just being together and it was nice.

We talked about her and I, the kids, her separation and the new place that she was about to move into. What she thought she needed. Mattresses, technology, etc. She found comfort in me. She often said I had a parental like presence.

We started talking about the pitfalls of teenage kids and what was going on at our kids high school (cause of course our oldest’s were in the same grade). Then suddenly she did something I will never forget.

She was talking to me about a rumor she heard about a girl at our kids school. We giggled then she said “let’s see if it is true.” I thought she was just giddy from our conversation and the sex that came before salad. Just a quick bend over against the wall that day.

But she texted her daughter and what I saw next would stick with me in a file this away for later kind of way. She said to her daughter. “do you know this girl?” her daughter said “yes”. Then I watched her pause as if to plan her next message. “Oh ok… is there something going on? Nevermind. No big deal.” Then her daughter incessantly was asking… “What?” “What have you heard?” No response from Hailey and her daughter kept at it… “Just tell me.” This went on for about 10 minutes. And her daughter called. She finally caved and told her daughter what she heard. Rumor was not true.

All I could think about as I watched this exchange was what a funny way to talk to your child. I wasn’t sure at that moment but I thought… did I just witness her manipulate her? It was bizarre. I had never seen this way of communicating with like what I could only describe as a criminal like mind. It seemed innocent enough and at the time I didn’t know what to make other than I didn’t like it.

It made me feel less trusting and I wasn’t sure where this came from and wasn’t exactly sure what I just witnessed. But beyond that kind of underhanded activity it also was a microcosm of our dynamic. So peaceful and perfect and loving suddenly with a side of unnecessary drama. I was relieved for once that it wasn’t aimed at me but it stuck so strongly with me that here I am mentioning it over a year later.

Author: Matt

Hi, I’m Matt. Just your average uneventful guy. Going through something I couldn’t possible ever thought possible.

13 thoughts on “Broken – Did she just…?”

  1. I wish I could say it did….but this doesn’t surprise me at all. I hope it is okay to share what I am really feeling, and that you won’t feel offended by this… but in your earlier segments… I never felt that James was the narcissist. Hailey seems to be VERY manipulative, and it does seem purposeful at times. Her world revolves around her…even with her children (which is pretty unusual). If there isn’t drama, she creates it because that is the world she is comfortable in…she may even thrive there. Whatever is coming next…I sure hope you don’t get hurt too badly by this woman….

    Liked by 3 people

    1. I am not 100% sure but I do believe James is a narcissist believe it or not and I have gone back and forth a million times. I will never know the toll of the manipulation in her house by both sides. Actually Hailey never used Narcissist to describe him. I did. I am not even sure she is fully capable of understanding a personality disorder. His behavior towards me, and a few other things I would never disclose, makes me think he is. The volatility and entitlement from him was quite obvious. But great observation Nora. It made me question how much of a victim she was. Probably not right at that moment. I was too in love.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. I think that is an interesting observation. He never actually confronted you, did he? I know he came to your house once, drunk, but he stayed outside? I’m not sure most men would restrain themselves that way, knowing their wife was having an ongoing affair. Think on this…and consider the manipulation you saw between her and her daughter….could Hailey have egged him on that day so that he drove over to your house drunk…thinking he would cause a scene and then you would be forced to tell your wife? She just doesn’t feel like the victim to me….
        But, this is your story to tell, my friend. I’m sorry if it feels like I am hijacking it in some way. I am on your side😊

        Liked by 3 people

        1. So from the things I could glean… from the way he treated this transgression. It felt like he treated or acted as if she were a possession not a person with free will. He wanted to stop me not her. As if she had no brain or input on seeing me. He felt entitled to her. If a gf or spouse strayed on me, I don’t think I would have ire to the person they strayed with unless they were personally close to me. I didn’t force her on dating apps. She was there. It wasn’t my betrayal it was hers. I had my own to worry about. I am sure she egged him on, and while I was probably manipulated as well I never showed the behavior he exhibited. That night he stopped not for empathy but because it was easier to be a passive aggressive bully. He was afraid of me. There were/are plenty of opportunities to confront me. He only showed aggression when I could not act. I am not sure any of this makes him a narcissist but it really felt that way to me even without her manipulation.

          Liked by 3 people

          1. You mention that he felt entitled to her, which I find interesting. They were married, right? I guess to me, it does seem that he was entitled to her, and her fidelity. I’m not sure that means he sees her as a possession, other than the idea that she was his wife. I guess I am wondering what made you think that he felt this way…did you speak with him, or was it from things Hailey would say about him? If your opinion of him was entirely based upon what Hailey was telling you…well, then she had a lot of room to make things appear as she wanted them to appear.
            I do hope that I’m not bothering you, Matt… I am really not trying to make you feel defensive. I am just trying to better understand this from all the different angles. As I have shared with you (and don’t mind sharing with your readers), I have been through this, but, I was the spouse who was cheated on. And one thing I could never figure out was how angry the other woman was at me. Later, when my husband was finally ready to be honest, he told me things he had said to her….which were largely exaggerated (he admitted this), so that she would feel sorry for him. I guess I am wondering if Hailey was manipulating you in this same way, and perhaps James wasn’t as bad as she made him out to be…. Just food for thought. Obviously our experiences were different…. I guess I was just looking for parallels…..

            Liked by 2 people

            1. Nora I don’t feel defensive at all. I like that you challenge these things. I can fill in the context. And maybe at the end of the day it’s just a different point of view. My opinion was not based on solely what Hailey said to me. I would never just trust qualitative second hand information. Took me quite a while to figure out James. And I can assure you I am not the only one that has said this to Hailey.

              I wouldn’t want to be treated like a possession. Maybe it’s because I have issues with the notions of loyalty and entitlement. Because of my long unfulfilling marriage. I feel like I reject the notion that means you are faithful and theirs regardless of the way you are treated. I just don’t see it that way. He was only entitled to her fidelity if he was keeping up his end of the marriage and I can only offer to say I assure you he wasn’t and it was based on physical data as well as qualitative information.

              Just the way he pursued her after splitting was interesting. Why in the world would you want someone who no longer wanted you unless you thought it belonged to you?

              Adding here that I would never recommend infidelity as a way to approach having issues. But it unfortunately happens.

              Liked by 2 people

              1. Thank you for answering all of my questions so openly, Matt. Reading your journey is helping me in a way that I didn’t anticipate, and I am grateful to you for that. Infidelity in marriage is a pretty common occurrence, but, it doesn’t get talked about much…just swept under the rug. I really admire what you are doing here with your blog and I really admire your strengths as a person and fellow empath. I will be looking forward to your next segment with great anticipation. Your faithful reader, XOXO, nora

                Liked by 2 people

  2. I keep thinking of the expression ‘love is blind’. It seems true in this case, up to now. All the little signs that were unapparent while the euphoria was present are now become more prominent red flags.

    There’s more, I’ll have to think about it before I type it out. But you’re doing a really good job keeping the ‘his and her side of the story’ in balance. For now. Nice cliffhangers that will keep us coming back to read more. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Love is blind definitely sits with me. But I think I will add some information in a future post that might smooth some of this out. I am telling a story with very key points. But in between all these points were just alot of back and forth sweet affirmations that would make these things harder to see. But these are important points to trend the story in the right direction.


  3. This incident is just… I don’t know. It wouldn’t sit well with me at all. I can see how it’s the kind of thing that stuck with you but in the midst of whatever feelings of love and desire you had for her, you may have rationalized and “filed it away”. It happens. All of us do that at one point or another with people we love — make accommodations in our brain and hearts for these kind of things, write it off for the moment. For better or worse.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. It didn’t sit well with me. To this point this was my first in person encounter with it… You know what- I own it. I simply over looked it. I wanted to believe in us. As a super empath I always thought I could help her see a better way.

      Liked by 1 person

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