Broken – Her Birthday

Hailey’s birthday is in the fall and for reasons beyond my understanding she had made a big deal about it. Not that I am against making it a big deal. But considering where we were in life it seemed arbitrary on the actual date vs. making sure we had an opportunity in the not to distant future to celebrate it.

Broken is a story that is best read Chronologically to start from the beginning – Prologue

Hailey’s birthday is in the fall and for reasons beyond my understanding she had made a big deal about it. Not that I am against making it a big deal. But considering where we were in life it seemed arbitrary on the actual date vs. making sure we had an opportunity in the not to distant future to celebrate it. I guess that is my grounded nature coming through.

We had spent most of the fall already back and forth between threats of her independence and our love. She asked me to see if I could get out for her Birthday. I knew this wasn’t possible and told her as much, besides I could feel my departure bubbling. I never clued her in on how close I was at this point just in case I wasn’t quite ready. So I never said anything about a date because she would be disappointed if that date came and went.

We were getting close to the peak of her frustration. I did go over and visit her the day before and brought her a gift for her new place and a home made lunch. She was really thankful and cried. James would take her away and buy her expensive jewelry but he never thought about her in the personal way I had. But I wondered no matter what was done was it going to be a disappointment?

I kissed her goodbye and knew it wasn’t going to be the last I heard about her Birthday. She always has this sadness around it. Then the next day I finally get the text I felt was coming. “You know I am mad at you.” Of course I asked why if I didn’t know the answer. “I asked you out”. I knew it would be even silly to try, if I was this close to leaving doing something like this would have only made it painfully obvious what I was up to.

So later she said “I am out alone.” “Swiping right on some guy 2 miles away.” “No picture… is it you?”. I think she had to say this in case it was me. But I said no and nothing else. She pressed me the next day. I said I don’t know what you want me to say. It stings. I said sorry. Here I am apologizing for her being on Tinder. Jesus!

Every time she did this it crushed me a little. I knew in my heart she had been out on dates. But why treat me this way. She already felt entitled to do what she wants. But why make me feel awful? I mean I was either going to be free or not. And clearly she wasn’t really waiting. She would tell me if she went out on a date she felt like she was cheating on me. I told her maybe you should explore that and it’s your feeling not mine. Don’t ask me for my support on this. She even in the course of that fall. Asked me rhetorically “you never want to share me do you?” Ugh. Of course I don’t! I love you!

But even the next evening. “I love you Matt.” “Goodnight.” Then next morning “Good Morning Matt.” She really loved to use my name. To her she liked the directness. She hated when someone said “love ya” or an abbreviated version.

But what is the point of all of this… oh yea- Here she was questioning my love for her but shouldn’t I have been questioning hers?

Author: Matt

Hi, I’m Matt. Just your average uneventful guy. Dedicated Dad, emapth, and nurturer. Going through something I couldn’t possible ever thought possible. My story is called Broken. About an affair at the end of a long marriage and how ultimately I experienced the worst heartbreak of my life. It's honest, raw, and a little bit entertaining. I hope to share my story so people can learn while being therapeutic for myself.

9 thoughts on “Broken – Her Birthday”

  1. You can NEVER question a woman’s love for you. Ummm, don’t you know that by now?

    I’m kidding. 😉

    She doesn’t play nice. (Was gonna use the word “fair” instead of nice but I suppose nothings fair in love.). And her tendency to look before leaping and your tendency to be measured is just creating this recipe for the drama and the back and forth. Obviously you don’t need me to point it out – you lived it. And if she felt insecure about your love, she shouldn’t have expressed it in such a passive-aggressive way. I hope you called her out on that shit when you felt you could.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. You know what was interesting was at times it felt like this. By the time I could address some of the BS. We were onto other BS. It was like her shoveling 10 lbs onto the pile and I was able to take away 1 lbs of it.


  2. I am trying to feel empathy for her, surrounding being without you on her birthday….her first birthday single and all. But, to be honest…it is just so childish. And, as she has kids…you’d think she’d have grown up a bit. She seems to need constant validation from the opposite sex, even to her own detriment (i.e. negatively impacting a future relationship with you). She uses her “singleness” as a weapon against you. I am guessing that you not walking away from your marriage (as quickly as she was expecting) was very hard on her self-esteem during this time….which causes her to act out (much like a child).

    Liked by 1 person

    1. That validation from the opposite sex was something I didn’t see. I think at this point my naivety kept me from seeing what she was doing. And just in preservation mode I was trying to have a backbone while not pushing her away. But you are totally right looking back she weaponized being single. To be honest even if I walked away a month later i feel like she would have told me it was too long.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. It is likely that at this point…your timing wouldn’t satisfy her no matter what. I am guessing she thought you would immediately make yourself available to her and when you didn’t…
        From my experience, people like that don’t just give up either…she likely kept you on the hook so that she could “win”, in her mind. I don’t mean to make it sound like she didn’t care, I’m sure she did…from what I have learned about you, you are an incredible person. But, her motives are definitely suspect.

        Liked by 1 person

        1. I think the sort of way I felt was she cared more about dates and date nights than the big picture. Ours as in both of our emotional health and work towards the goal of supporting each other in an effort to be together. Like don’t you want to have many dates with me for the foreseeable future, or just jump up and down like a petulant child? But there was plausibility in this as well. I could understand being in a long marriage and curious about the world. So i gave her the benefit of the doubt. As I have had the thought of my freedom long before Hailey was ever in the picture.

          Liked by 1 person

          1. She doesn’t really seem like a big picture thinker, so no surprise there really. I am wondering…how many times did she cheat on James, not with you, but before you? You met her on a dating app, right? I am curious how long she had been swiping right….

            Liked by 1 person

              1. You are very sweet to protect her story, Matt. This news doesn’t surprise me at all. It makes me wonder why he put up with her…he obviously had no control or say in her fidelity to their marriage….. I wonder if he cheated also….


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