Broken – I Have Nothing Left

Broken is a story that is best read Chronologically to start from the beginning – Prologue

In the immediate aftermath of just getting crushed twice in less than a month. And my what can only be described as the worst travel day known to man. I had to find my way out of the house. It was getting really uncomfortable I managed to seclude myself to downstairs but was just in a never ending loop of being an asshole. And it was getting loud. I needed to distance myself before it became an episode of Jerry Springer.

So I grabbed an overnight bag with three nights of clothes and booked a hotel nearby. I arrived at about 7PM after just a brutal day at home. I was sick as a dog. I crawled into bed but I knew I wasn’t going to sleep. I had not heard from Hailey in 2 days. And I am not sure what was going on there. I missed her. I was heartbroken. I was pissed. I wasn’t eating.

I had managed to secure the hotel for the next several days through a family discount. This wasn’t the original plan I was going to be home for much more than this. But it was so toxic at home that plan had to change. I was working as much as possible. I couldn’t talk to anyone either, I wasn’t ready to tell anyone about the separation yet and not one soul knew about Hailey. I just had to sit and swallow hard.

I literally had my laptop a bag of clothes and that was it in my life. This was maybe the darkest week of my life just after the two worst days. I can’t wallow too much it’s just not the way I am built. I ran to stability. It’s the only way I know how to cope. I immediately contacted a building I wanted an apartment in. I secured a move in date only 12 days away. I even managed to make a date as I was pretty sure Hailey was doing that. Although I had to make it super casual and really was just looking for company. She was super nice and we actually maintained a friendship for a little while but I just didn’t have the ability to strike up romance, intimacy, sex in that state. My heart was just too damaged.

I had 12 days to stretch between the hotel and the AirBnb and somewhere in that stretch I finally heard from Hailey… “Where are you?” She finally was curious enough to drive by my house a few times and not see my car there. I said “well I am out of my house pretty much for good.” So much for her work it out theory which I always felt was a load of shit anyways. She said “oh”. I know she meant “oh fuck!” We bantered back and forth and I said. “I can’t believe you did this over text.” “No phone call, no in person conversation.” “What are we doing here?”

After some nonsensical answers we made plans to get together. By the time I would see her it would be almost 2 weeks in between seeing her. This is going to be interesting…