Broken – I Have Nothing Left

Broken is a story that is best read Chronologically to start from the beginning – Prologue

In the immediate aftermath of just getting crushed twice in less than a month. And my what can only be described as the worst travel day known to man. I had to find my way out of the house. It was getting really uncomfortable I managed to seclude myself to downstairs but was just in a never ending loop of being an asshole. And it was getting loud. I needed to distance myself before it became an episode of Jerry Springer.

So I grabbed an overnight bag with three nights of clothes and booked a hotel nearby. I arrived at about 7PM after just a brutal day at home. I was sick as a dog. I crawled into bed but I knew I wasn’t going to sleep. I had not heard from Hailey in 2 days. And I am not sure what was going on there. I missed her. I was heartbroken. I was pissed. I wasn’t eating.

I had managed to secure the hotel for the next several days through a family discount. This wasn’t the original plan I was going to be home for much more than this. But it was so toxic at home that plan had to change. I was working as much as possible. I couldn’t talk to anyone either, I wasn’t ready to tell anyone about the separation yet and not one soul knew about Hailey. I just had to sit and swallow hard.

I literally had my laptop a bag of clothes and that was it in my life. This was maybe the darkest week of my life just after the two worst days. I can’t wallow too much it’s just not the way I am built. I ran to stability. It’s the only way I know how to cope. I immediately contacted a building I wanted an apartment in. I secured a move in date only 12 days away. I even managed to make a date as I was pretty sure Hailey was doing that. Although I had to make it super casual and really was just looking for company. She was super nice and we actually maintained a friendship for a little while but I just didn’t have the ability to strike up romance, intimacy, sex in that state. My heart was just too damaged.

I had 12 days to stretch between the hotel and the AirBnb and somewhere in that stretch I finally heard from Hailey… “Where are you?” She finally was curious enough to drive by my house a few times and not see my car there. I said “well I am out of my house pretty much for good.” So much for her work it out theory which I always felt was a load of shit anyways. She said “oh”. I know she meant “oh fuck!” We bantered back and forth and I said. “I can’t believe you did this over text.” “No phone call, no in person conversation.” “What are we doing here?”

After some nonsensical answers we made plans to get together. By the time I would see her it would be almost 2 weeks in between seeing her. This is going to be interesting…

Author: Matt

Hi, I’m Matt. Just your average uneventful guy. Dedicated Dad, emapth, and nurturer. Going through something I couldn’t possible ever thought possible. My story is called Broken. About an affair at the end of a long marriage and how ultimately I experienced the worst heartbreak of my life. It's honest, raw, and a little bit entertaining. I hope to share my story so people can learn while being therapeutic for myself.

14 thoughts on “Broken – I Have Nothing Left”

  1. At this point, your entire world was upside down (with the exception of the stability of work). Your home life was gone, and your romance was gone (at least, in this moment), and you really couldn’t talk to anyone about the full extent of what was bothering you (which probably felt very isolating). I’m guessing you were also sick with worry about your children and missing them. The world was a very dark place for you, my friend.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. As always great summary Nora. It was definitely very dark. Always miss my kids even when they are right next to me. I do have to say something about having great kids. Believe it or not I had more faith in them than any of the adults in my story. So while I was worried and sad I was in awe of them. I always felt like the luckiest Dad in the world.

      Liked by 2 people

      1. I am very glad to hear this, Matt. While you don’t want to lean on kids for support, them just being in your life is a source of support and happiness. I do hope that over the coming segments, we don’t learn of your wife trying to use them against you. It breaks my heart to see that happen in divorce….

        Liked by 1 person

        1. Absolutely. And you are right it’s not support it’s the source of happiness. And that they continue to be themselves through this all. There is sadness, expressed and not, I know it is there and that kills me. But at the same time I am proud of the people they are growing into. Except for the making me feel old part.

          Liked by 1 person

  2. Sounds like she just leaves you long enough to let you begin the process of healing and distance and then, Bang, here she comes again, pulling you back in, opening the wounds, pouring the salt, wow this woman is a piece of work and no mistake.
    If you can hear anger in my comments, trust me, it’s very tempered right now. I’m bubbling with it. I wish I could convey how much I want to grab my big sword and shield and go complete Warrior woman on her sorry ass.
    My apologies for my outburst once again Matt.
    As Nora has said on more than one occasion, it is a testament to your writing that I feel so strongly.

    Liked by 1 person

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