Broken – Are you Fucking Kidding Me?

It was time and Hailey came over one night to talk. I was in a AirBnb. It was cute and she remarked about it. I made a quip and said did you think I would pick a dump. A little tension breaker. We talked about us to start.


Broken is a story that is best read Chronologically to start from the beginning – Prologue

It was time and Hailey came over one night to talk. I was in a AirBnb. It was cute and she remarked about it. I made a quip and said did you think I would pick a dump. A little tension breaker. We talked about us to start.

I honestly don’t remember the conversation too much. I don’t know if I was willfully ignorant or just beat to shit. I mean alot of it was just me trying to figure out where we were. Also me trying to tell her not to project on to me what she thinks my plan is. That she needed to ask. It wasn’t fair to make assumptions and plans without talking to me. I am not sure I was getting anywhere.

I also told her more about my situation and what was going on at home. I could tell she was holding back. At one point I was like fuck it. “What happened and what were you doing?”.

She then started to proceed to tell me about a guy she met and how she was flattered as he asked her out. Their little fucking meet cute. And that confused her. And how could she love me if she entertained a date from another guy. I was like how many times did you go out with him? She said about a half dozen. That was alot for what was basically 2.5 weeks. And then I hit her with two questions that crushed me.

Did you see anyone else in the last couple months. Her answer. Yes 3 or 4 different guys but only one she saw regularly. 10 times… 10 Fucking times. I asked her did you sleep with the most recent guy and the guy you met up with 10 times? She said well we didn’t eat salad.

I mean just fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck. I just laid on the couch in the AirBnb. I had no tears left to cry. I wasn’t even angry. I just told her you hurt me so bad. You took space to fuck some other guy. And then you went on all those dates with someone else. She said she really didn’t even like the other guy. I said what about the current one. She said I don’t know. I asked are you still going to see him? She said I don’t know. Dagger to the heart.

We didn’t even have sex that night. I am pretty sure they either had sex that day or the night before. I felt like a fucking fool. But I still loved her. I don’t know how maybe because this happened so fast.

She kneeled on the couch next to me. Trying to get me to rebound off the news. She ran her hand down my body and said “You are so skinny”. I didn’t say anything. But thought. “No fucking shit. I haven’t eaten in about 16 days because you suck and my life is falling apart.” Just like that I was dealing with something else. Not future, no reconciliation. It went from her being insecure about me dating, to her fucking some guy, to it being like I was dating her like we met last week. All in a matter of 2.5 fucking weeks. This wasn’t how this was supposed to go.

I walked her to the door and she said “I will see you soon. I love you.” I couldn’t say it back. “Goodnight” was all I could muster. I didn’t sleep that night either or eat pretty much for the next 16 days. How can this get worse…

Author: Matt

Hi, I’m Matt. Just your average uneventful guy. Dedicated Dad, emapth, and nurturer. Going through something I couldn’t possible ever thought possible. My story is called Broken. About an affair at the end of a long marriage and how ultimately I experienced the worst heartbreak of my life. It's honest, raw, and a little bit entertaining. I hope to share my story so people can learn while being therapeutic for myself.

12 thoughts on “Broken – Are you Fucking Kidding Me?”

  1. For what it’s worth, the way you described her from almost the beginning, it seemed obvious to me as an outsider reading here after the fact, that she needed to be validated by sexual attention from many. One is not enough.

    Also for what it’s worth, you probably made the biggest impact on her (compared to other men). Typically a woman like that attracts men who are equally flighty. You are not that. She fell for you but then felt guilty when you left your wife. How does a person like H deal with that guilt? By dismissing it. What better way than to go on dates and have sex?

    Like the comment about working it out with your wife. That was her self-preservation. She didn’t want the responsibility of having to face up to you leaving your marriage even if you explained that she was not the catalyst. Right? Your marriage had problems well before she came along…but did she see it that way after you did it? Did she want to? The thrill was gone for her. To nurture you out of love is not what she needed, it’s what you needed. And she’s not made that way.

    She was not the reason for your exit from your marriage, but she was a ticket, a gateway to give you the push, the courage you needed to make it happen for you.

    It sounds horrible. And my heart breaks for you.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Honestly it was hard to separate what was real and what wasn’t. I think the hard thing is when you are in it and emotions are high what she was saying was plausible even if I questioned it. My empathy wouldn’t allow me to say bullshit to her face. We have both gone through something fairly traumatic. Plus I was suddenly back in preservation mode. Trying to keep her in my life. That is the trouble when you are in love with someone.

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  2. I wish you could just kick her to the curb. She has hurt her ex-children and you! Don’t want to think what could happen next. I know this your story but wish your post where longer so I know there is some happiness ahead. What a gut kick.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Hi Andi- I appreciate that support. This was a super tough moment. Less than one month from when I decided to leave home. That was waaaay to fast to have all this happen… wasn’t it?!

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  3. I really wish that I was surprised by this. Perhaps love does make us blind. Hailey was obviously needing A LOT of validation from others, more so than you could have imagined. I am guessing she did recognize that you are a good guy, but that’s not the kind of guy she settles down with. She appears to need constant drama in her life…some people are just like that. When you were both married, you fit her “drama” dance card very well as it required you to sneak around and do “exciting” things with her. But now that you had actually left your wife…you would have no longer held the same appeal…you think things through, you take your time making decisions, you would probably have expectations at some point of her fidelity, wanting to plan for the future…. and none of those things fit in with the real Hailey. I hope this isn’t offensive, my friend. But obviously…you are WAY too good for her.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. I didn’t see the validation from the external… but you are right. I think that is why she always said I was different and too good for her. She seemed to need drama. None of this is offensive Nora. I so appreciate your investment in my story. I think in her ideal state or the person she wanted to be but never could on some level wanted my peace and ability to be grounded. All she had to really do was let me get stable and we could have been swinging from the chandeliers for all I cared. But I get it is more than just the fun. It is so messed up. I need a hug. lol.

      Liked by 2 people

      1. First….sending you virtual hugs, my friend….lots of them!!!
        Second, this statement right here, ” All she had to really do was let me get stable and we could have been swinging from the chandeliers for all I cared”…. the thing is, she couldn’t do this. She doesn’t seem to be built that way. That would have been way too mature and grounded for her, and, it doesn’t seem like she was looking for stable.

        Liked by 1 person

        1. I know and you are right. It’s not what she was looking for but always told me she liked my stability so. I think I am just making a point that if she was quasi-normal there was a path for her.

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  4. Oh man… this just sounds heartbreaking, stressful and just….I mean, what the fucking fuck?!?? Jeez. Oh Hailey. She’s hot then she’s cold. Her sexiness and her sex is her leverage, her defense. She uses it to make herself feel good and “weaponizes” it when she needs to. All the while, she probably did or does love you in her own (really) fucked up way(s) but her behavior….ugh. Childish and petulant. I feel for you but it seems you still had this torch for her burning (albeit at various intensities) at some level in spite of all that … I don’t mean this in a bad way. It’s just crazy what love or lust can do to our brains. And I can’t imagine how much this fucked with your head AND heart, what she did here.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. At that point I couldn’t tell what I was feeling to be honest. I was so numb. Just so much had happened in one month. I have used the word petulant child many times when describing this behavior. So right on! Thank you for the support. 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

  5. And the narcissist drove the blade in and twisted just for good measure. Maximum pain, but at the end of the night because she said I love you, she has validated her behaviour to herself.
    Just… (((((((((HUGS))))))))
    I can’t speak …

    Liked by 1 person

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