Broken – It’s a New Year

As the New Year rolled around and passed I recalled something that happened earlier in my relationship with Hailey. Actually one prior NYE. Life was falling apart for her, we were both at home and she was having a tough time.

Broken is a story that is best read Chronologically to start from the beginning – Prologue

As the New Year rolled around and passed I recalled something that happened earlier in my relationship with Hailey. Actually one prior NYE. Life was falling apart for her, we were both at home and she was having a tough time. She said promise me you will spend next NYE with me?

I hated promising anything. You just never knew what the state of our relationship would be or where either of us would have been in terms of our marriages at that point. But I said yes. I was certain I wouldn’t last the year. I reminded her of this on NYE even though she had her kids and we didn’t spend time together. I did get an offer for a date that night. But declined. Still not ready. She apologized for not being together.

My point was not to make her feel bad. I told her that. I just wanted to tell her I was happy I was able to keep my promise by being available. She barely acknowledged it. But I still thought it was fairly important.

We got together a few times over the coming weeks but she kept mentioning how hard her divorce was on her. That she had been crying alot. I felt terrible but also had some questions. Where was this grief in the months after. Why didn’t she take time then. She jumped into dating and talked about dates and how she likes to go out to dinner. It just left a bad taste at the same time I could understand the hard part of divorce.

I asked her if she would like to go to a basketball game for a night out. I got a lukewarm “yes sure. But wouldn’t you rather go with a friend. Basketball is not really my thing.” This was going to be a belated Bday present for myself. I asked her should I read anything into that response. She said no. I didn’t believe her. But gave her the benefit of the doubt. And started to nail down some nights she would go. I told her we could make a night of it. Staycation!

Later that week we were struggling to find time to get together. I was pretty sure she had a date. So I joined a singles meetup for the same night. She had “dinner plans”. This was my strategy to get through these moments. If she was going out, so was I. After I met up with my group I came home to surprise. She called me as I walked in the door. She confessed about her date. But said she bailed and went out with her friend. Not sure I believed it but it was a bust. She said I only want you right now. Always with the “right now”… But I was going to take it. Then she said I am horny can we do video chat. She vid chatted me and was naked. I said I will be right there 2.5 miles later I was deep inside her. Was I winning her back…

Author: Matt

Hi, I’m Matt. Just your average uneventful guy. Dedicated Dad, emapth, and nurturer. Going through something I couldn’t possible ever thought possible. My story is called Broken. About an affair at the end of a long marriage and how ultimately I experienced the worst heartbreak of my life. It's honest, raw, and a little bit entertaining. I hope to share my story so people can learn while being therapeutic for myself.

13 thoughts on “Broken – It’s a New Year”

  1. Oh Matt. Back and forth…

    I get the headspace you’re in, I do. I have heard of serial daters, people who have looked for love online for years and are continuously ‘upgrading’ to find the ‘greener side’. Chasing that euphoria over and over again. This is not you, but this is her. Or it seems that way to me.

    It’s not that I don’t have empathy for her. I do understand on some level. But it’s you I’m talking to, not her, and I can feel the hurt and disappointment right across the wifi.

    Sex only solves one part of the big picture. I’m seeing and learning this too. 🙂

    Liked by 2 people

  2. Like a moth to a flame burned by the fire….that’s the way love goes…. (Lol sorry quoting Janet Jackson here but it kinda rings true). What a seesaw of feelings – am I winning her back… is she going on dates…should I go on dates? Even though I can feel your agony, did you enjoy this ‘excitement’ even in some sort of twisted way?

    Liked by 1 person

    1. If you can feel my agony then I am describing it right. It was back and forth. There was not even a little excitement for me. I prefer stability always. Something to build on, not something to repair constantly.

      Liked by 2 people

  3. It strikes me just how far out of your comfortability you are with Hailey. You are someone who takes things slow, makes level headed decisions, prefer stability….and yet, here you are…totally taken in by this tornado of a woman. I am wondering if one thing you might take from this whole experience is… it is time to live a little bit, my friend. Don’t get me wrong, I am a “stability” person too. But, perhaps you need to make time for the “thrilling” in small doses. I’ve read a few different pieces by authors who talk about doing one thing that scares you every so often… talk to a stranger, try a different culture’s food, go somewhere you never thought you’d go, try a crazy new sex trick (you know this one has my vote).

    In any case…we are almost caught up to present day now, right?

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Hi Nora!! It’s not present day quite yet. This was Jan. last year. So still some to go.

      I actually have done the things you suggest. I have traveled extensively and am a foodie. I was far more thrill seeking than Hailey. She hadn’t even gambled til I met her. She liked to be in bed by 9 or 10 and liked to garden. lol. But she liked her dates and sex. So did I. During the pandemic… I will give it away, I went and got my motorcycle license. I have joined the Army, Repelled out of Helicopters, etc.. I can be pretty adventurous… I fucked her in a hotel conf. room in the middle of the day, was the first person to tie her up, stared down her angry husband forever, etc. I am sneaky with these things. I wouldn’t call myself a thrill seeker but I love trying new things. I do put thought into them but still like to try.

      But when it comes to love, care and big life decisions I want stability. And that is the type of stability I refer too. I don’t like treating those things as thrills. And to me Hailey may have. While Hailey may seem like it was a thrill I needed or that was missing. I didn’t need that from her. I wanted the love, attention and intimacy. I think there is a difference between thrill and impulsive. And I felt like she was impulsive.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Thank you for the very thoughtful response, Matt! And, for sharing a bit more about who the “real” Matt really is! When you were writing about Christmas and New Years I had thought you meant our most recent holidays… I am glad to hear there is a bit of space in between you and all of this pain. You know… I was a little worried that you when you finished writing about your marriage ending and your affair with Hailey…that we might not hear much from you after that (and I LOVE reading your blog)…but now I see that you are having all kinds of adventures to write about!!!

        But…inquiring (naughty) minds would like to hear more about what happened in that conference room…. 😉

        Liked by 2 people

  4. I hate the feeling that I get of the game she is playing, hedging her bets to try out new men to be disappointed in them and run back to you. As if testing the waters for a new relationship, a new husband to attend her needs. I could be completely off base and I’m sorry I don’t mean to offend you by it, it’s just she reminds me of someone I know all too well and watched her do the same. Its as if she takes you for granted that you’ll be waiting as she does her thing, but I’m happy to read that you went out for yourself to check out the singles scene.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you for that. It felt alot like that. I would ask her consistently after this point if I was her back up plan. But I wasn’t about to keep that in place for her. So I went out. 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

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