Broken is a story that is best read Chronologically to start from the beginning – Prologue
Hailey arrived at my building. I had to go down stairs to let her in as it is a secure building. I let her in the door and you could see the fear in her eyes. And she could probably see the frustration in mine. The elevator ride was quiet and we got into my apartment and I invited her to sit down on the couch. I stood near the doorway to my bedroom. I didn’t want to be that close to her.
I asked her why she liked the FB post. She babbled some bullshit and I said “let’s try the truth.” “Do you want to antagonize me or the woman’s whose husband you have been sleeping with.” She finally admitted after several rounds she was trying to get my attention. I was still upset, I told her it’s a boundary I don’t like being crossed. I am not sure she fully understood and I somewhat wondered why but I had bigger fish to fry.
I asked her what is going on with her and why does she feel like she can just drop off. I asked about her other dating. And she said it was all done. She wouldn’t go into what else was going on. But what I could ascertain was that James did his thing on that guy as well.
She said she was talking to her therapist about it all. She has some things she can’t quite understand about why her thoughts are the way they are. Even eluded to a thought that she had about moving into my house. It was strange and I really couldn’t understand it. I think she wanted basically to supplant my wife. I told her we could have made our new lives.
I had one simple question and a follow up. I said “Hailey, what do you want form me?” She said she didn’t know that she was still confused about life. Then I said “Ok, in or out?” I told her my door is open but if you are in stay in and if you are out. Get the fuck out! And leave me alone.
She said she wanted in but she wasn’t still ready for commitment. I didn’t get it. I tried to find the root cause of what her problems were. She talked about waiting again. I said “don’t go there”. She started crying, which is like a man’s, especially an empaths, kryptonite. I kept it at if you are in what does that look like.
She said I would like to spend time with you. I said “ok.” Of course I fucked her that day. I wish I could explain to you that I can resist her. I can’t or at least then I couldn’t. We made a plan for Valentine’s Day… I think you know what post is coming next…
I don’t understand why she can’t be honest what’s keeping her from being with you. There was all this love and now it’s no longer enough?
It confuses me.
You were right to make her give you an answer, in or out. Not sure if sex means you accepted her as in, and so did she…are you both in?
Guess we’ll find out soon. 😘
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You will find out soon. I couldn’t understand the lack of transparency at the time. I understand it more now.
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Oh hell… I thought you had cracked it… bugger
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I know Gemma. I would say I was upset. I loved her but was not devastated at the time. Once I began to date I found myself a little. My worth. It was eye opening.
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I’m so glad to read this response, I was actually devastated that she had popped back up even though I knew she was always going to. Narcissists do not go away easily and the love bombing is so bloody intense! They should all wear government health warnings tattooed to their foreheads!
I have emailed you the Tom Series, happy reading!
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Thank you Gemma!
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Well, this post has me really feeling for Hailey again… she is one fucked up girl, and she probably really doesn’t understand her own feelings. I am guessing that this is a pattern of hers, except, you aren’t reacting like the guys she typically does this to…and that confuses her. If I had to guess there is some sort of trauma in her background. In any case… I am glad that you two met face to face for this conversation and didn’t try to have it over text. It is so important in these types of intense situations to be able to observe body language and other non verbals.
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I am not sure her therapy has really helped her. She had more clarity when I met her earlier. There was less turmoil. It was accelerated at this point. Or maybe that is just part of the process. I don’t know. I am not sure she could articulate to her therapist.
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What I always tell people is to give therapy a chance with someone for a handful of sessions…if you aren’t feeling any progress, time to find a new one!
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You have to be also brutally honest in therapy. I am not sure she could explain some of the stuff she was feeling. Based on conversations with her. But this is only in retrospect. She always told me she thought it was helping. But I will definitely have more on this later.
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I will look forward to reading it, my friend! Happy Saturday 🙂
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I don’t believe there is a cure for a narcissist, they are wired up that way. They think the world revolves around them, they see no reason to change themselves when nothing is ever their fault. They are past masters at looking around them and picking a victim to be the current carrier of all blame so that they can continue to use people with impunity.
I know I may be cynical and biased on this subject, but seriously, leopards can’t change their spots, the just run fast enough that you can’t see them until it’s too late.
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I find her to be very immature emotionally. The fact that she plays games with men, hops from man to man needing validation all the time, to pulling the crying card. Maybe she’s aware of what she is doing maybe she doesn’t, but she has a lot of maturing to do in the relationship dept to remember there are two people in it not just her. I’m so glad you spoke your mind, I just wish she would stop toying with you, you are too good for her.
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Thank you. I started pushing back. I also try to give people a certain amount of latitude with emotional maturity and intelligence. She would say to me all the time. “I can’t articulate my feelings as well as you.” But I often wondered how hard she tried.
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