Broken – Bombshell… I Want To Explain

It was middle of summer and was driving from my old house from a project back to my apartment but stopped at the store. As I came around the other side of my neighborhood while sitting at the light.

Broken is a story that is best read Chronologically to start from the beginning – Prologue

It was middle of summer and was driving from my old house from a project back to my apartment but stopped at the store. As I came around the other side of my neighborhood while sitting at the light. Who do I see? It’s Hailey! I just drove by like she wasn’t there. But was she driving by my house? Old times? I questioned it to Jennifer. I sensed it was an odd place for her to be. I know her curiosity about me is strong.

Later that week I got a text that didn’t register… “Hi I’m sure you don’t want to hear from me but I’d like to try to explain myself if you’d give me the time.” Wait!! What??? Yup Hailey.

It had been 4 months almost to the day. It was both shocking and some what expected. What did she want? She texted me on a Friday morning and she asked to come on Saturday. I was very curt, rightfully angry. But I told her that Saturday was fine. But her being as patient as ever she said “I can come by today at 11 if you have time?”

I said “ok”. It was all I ever said to her. I didn’t know what I wanted here. I had thought about this moment so many times and it was here but I didn’t know what result I wanted. I said to Jennifer once- “The only way she could ever come back is if she said what a huge mistake she made and promised to be with me exclusively.”

Also I thought we had to reconcile everything in the past. How would I know that it wouldn’t happen again. Also is this something I even want? I am still dating Ashley and have had a date with someone else as well. But I can take my time making any decisions.

I even had plans that night with Ashley. But I couldn’t believe it. I couldn’t text Jennifer as she had something serious going on that day. So it would just be a few hours before she came. I was on my own without guidance

I quickly wrote down some questions I didn’t want to forget as it would be tough to keep my emotions in check. I probably wasn’t prepared for this but it was going to happen.

She came to my apartment and walked in. I asked her in and if she would like to sit. I sat in a chair but I couldn’t sit. No hug was exchanged. It was eerily similar to our 3 week break earlier in the year. I invited her to go first, again. She went on to tell me what a huge mistake she made. She was miserable and James was out of control. I could tell she was very upset. I tried to be empathetic but wanted to also tell her “what did you expect?”.

I asked her if she was here for me or because of James. She said both. She said she missed me and thought about me everyday. That she loves me. I asked her about her social media thing. And she said she didn’t want me to forget about her. Usually I would find that sweet. But reminded her that it was selfish. Once again reminding her if you are out… “Stay out!” Give me some space.

There were some questionable things in there. She mentioned that James freaked out that she had said that some guy flattered her and asked her out. Reached out to her over FB and he found out. Didn’t sit well with me. Was she just looking for an affair? That wasn’t quite clear as she didn’t really answer the question adequately but tried to reassure me she wasn’t.

She said she was a boob. But let her work on getting out. That she would like me to wait and to see me in the mean time. But she knew she couldn’t ask me to wait and had no time line for her getting away from James. There was alot to try and figure out. Her tone and feeling were warm and loving but some things she was saying I just didn’t get. It wasn’t clear.

We had spoken for about 2 hours and it hadn’t dawned on me in our discussion that our situation had reversed exactly one year later. Here she was desperate for me to wait and I was free. It seemingly was poetic justice.

I gave her a hug goodbye. I loved her, still. And was still confused. I asked all the questions I wanted to but didn’t have all the answers. She talked so much about the kids and James in with all how it relates to me. It was like drinking through a firehose.

I tried to focus on two things what her intentions were with me and if she was going to date again. I made it clear there was no point of getting back in a state of figuring things out. She said “No. I love you. I don’t wan that” What to believe?..

Author: Matt

Hi, I’m Matt. Just your average uneventful guy. Dedicated Dad, emapth, and nurturer. Going through something I couldn’t possible ever thought possible. My story is called Broken. About an affair at the end of a long marriage and how ultimately I experienced the worst heartbreak of my life. It's honest, raw, and a little bit entertaining. I hope to share my story so people can learn while being therapeutic for myself.

12 thoughts on “Broken – Bombshell… I Want To Explain”

  1. Oh man, I feel for you. The uncertainty, the healing you were going through just to have old wounds reopened with her declaration that she made a mistake and wants you back. I dont know how you didn’t explode on her or fell into a million pieces when she left after your talk. I hope Jennifer was around after to lend an ear. I’ll refrain from what I think as this is too raw to give an opinion. I just give you credit for hearing her out.

    Liked by 1 person

      1. I hope she answered your questions. Sending lots of hugs as I’m sure retelling this part of your life has had to dredge up painful feelings


  2. Well, I know that you figured this was coming. It sounds like she did apologize for what a big mistake she made and that she wants to be with you exclusively….your two requirements. But, she has no timeline for leaving James. I am curious what James being “out of control” looks like.
    The thing is, Matt… I think you know that Hailey is not the faithful type. I would just about bet she has cheated in every relationship she has been in….whereas for you, having an affair was a pretty big (and I’m guessing- unusual) event. This other guy that “flattered” her on Facebook…she probably had a hand in that and was encouraging him. She seems to need constant validation.
    I imagine that this sent you into an emotional tailspin….again. She seems to have that effect on your life. I will be looking forward with GREAT interest as to what happens next. I really hope she doesn’t break your heart again.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. I had all the same concerns you did. And something about these relationships where you are trying to figure out “will they do it again?” vs. what are “they” doing differently this time. Yes it was an unusual event for me. I thought it was hard for me to call this out earlier in our dynamic because of how we met. But I was changing my tune.

      Liked by 2 people

  3. Question is, could you trust her?

    I think despite what happened, given the love you feel/felt for her, you’d be satisfied being exclusive with her (pardon my presumption). Could she though?

    You mentioned she is/was in therapy…if she was advised going back to what clearly was a disfunctional marriage, I wonder how effective that was. It’s hardly surprising she isn’t happy now.

    Be careful, Matt.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Okay, I’m that furious with her right now, if I was there at the time this happened I think I may have slapped her silly! Damn it! She answered nothing, nothing at all, she made it all about her, not what she had done to you, how you were left feeling from her stupid triangulation tactics and other stupid games, and here again in this meeting she once again pulls the triangulation number with the guy from FB. Either real or imagined it was done to provide her with a little boost when she spiked your jealousy or suspicion. That is her food of choice. Making you react, either angrily or happily, it doesn’t matter. She gets off on making you react emotionally to her. Make no mistake she was not genuinely upset at all, she was playing the role of victim, the whole James situation was of her own making, she wanted an affair with you at this point. Plain and simple. She wanted what she had with you in the beginning, role reversal maybe, but the excitement would be there, the sneaking around, the risk of getting caught etc etc etc. Remember this, James may well be a narcissist but if he was now out of control she was the one who was ultimately controlling him too. Triangulation complete. Jesus I want to slap her so bloody hard her relatives feel it!
    Grrrr… sorry Matt. I have red mist.

    Liked by 1 person

      1. I’m sorry Matt, it is just so frustrating to see what she put you through and from the sound of things is still putting you through. I will control my outbursts until I have caught up. Or I will at least try… no promises, I’m not good at passive behaviour at all. xxx


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