Broken – Drama Comes Quick

Hailey and I had probably seen each other 6 or 7 times in just a few weeks. Then she made plans with me for a night after she had dinner with a friend. She would have dinner and come by for about an hour.


Broken is a story that is best read Chronologically to start from the beginning – Prologue

Hailey and I had probably seen each other 6 or 7 times in just a few weeks. Then she made plans with me for a night after she had dinner with a friend. She would have dinner and come by for about an hour.

She still needed to dodge James. That morning she said. ‘Would you hate me if I canceled tonight.” She was still going to dinner but she said she hadn’t seen her kids in a couple days. Of course I understood, but this was about the third time in just a few days she canceled on me. And about the fourth time overall. She kept asking me to see me and then was not available. Was she trying to do too much or was she just blowing me off or worse??

I didn’t like the way it felt. It was all similar to what happened in January. But I wasn’t going to say anything. Then she offered “I know you feel like I am not prioritizing you.” I replied. “I have no idea what you are prioritizing. You have never said where I land in your priorities.”

We went back and forth a few times she said she was overwhelmed and said she hadn’t seen her kids in 2 days even though she lives with them. But I understood but I also asked which is it? Are you overwhelmed or you haven’t seen your kids? I sniffed a little BS. But wasn’t really getting to the real answer so I tried to put it to bed. And to cap this off from her end she wrote this…

I love you. I adore you. However I am not sure I will ever have the time and attention that you need. I have so many people requiring my time and attention. I feel incredibly overwhelmed and exhausted. I don’t and can’t prioritize anyone over my kids. I think if you understood how often I need to change plans with friends, family, and clients you would know it’s a form of self care not throwing aside of anyone. I know my limitations and when I’ve spread myself too thin. It’s that simple.

I tried to be understanding but as you could see there was something I immediately noticed in there… where was I? I guess I am with friends, extended family, and clients. It was all very hard for me to swallow. It seems rational on the surface but I was a priority once to her. So I know exactly how much time she has. But I wanted to diffuse it. I wouldn’t argue when she put her kids in there. I would love more time with my kids. So I get it. But something still didn’t feel right. They were at the beach as a family almost daily since she came back into my life. It didn’t feel like she was lacking for quality time. I replied…

I think I am missing articulating my point. I don’t require a lot of time and attention. The fact that you had to cancel is fine, in and of itself, but you asked me for my time. And I would never ask you to prioritize me over the kids. But I did ask you if it was too late. Already sensing that might be a hard mark to hit. The kids weren’t part of the discussion at all and you said no. When you speak to me you say you want time with me, you want to walk or garden or golf together, take a vacation etc. It’s hard to reconcile in terms of your feelings with what you say and what actually happens. That’s all I was trying to say or figure out.

This would eventually diffuse but I asked to talk about it in person and shelf it for now. I don’t think these types of things ever get resolved over text. Although I was going to have to wait. They were going away for 2 weeks and I was just going to need to be patient.

It nagged me though. I almost wanted to tell her to forget the whole thing. I could sense the contradiction. We used to just meet for a kiss. I would have been fine with that. I also don’t like when people have different rules for themselves than they have for others. If I ever cancelled on her, marriage or not, I would have heard about it with significantly less understanding. And I was done with it and had enough with it at that point. I don’t think she was realizing that my trust was sketchy. Or even acknowledging that it had a significant right to be.

I just couldn’t believe we were here already again.

Author: Matt

Hi, I’m Matt. Just your average uneventful guy. Dedicated Dad, emapth, and nurturer. Going through something I couldn’t possible ever thought possible. My story is called Broken. About an affair at the end of a long marriage and how ultimately I experienced the worst heartbreak of my life. It's honest, raw, and a little bit entertaining. I hope to share my story so people can learn while being therapeutic for myself.

6 thoughts on “Broken – Drama Comes Quick”

  1. Matt, she has time to have dinner with a friend. (Was that a date?) Then she was going to squeeze you in for an hour but suddenly felt overwhelmed and stretched too thin. The kids…yes, I understand but also think she uses them (with or without meaning to) to help her center herself again.

    A relationship, at least how I’m reading this from your perspective, is more than an hour long ‘fuck date’…how come she didn’t cancel the date with the ‘friend’ and called you to have dinner (and more) if it was so important to her that you were in her life?

    Something had changed, as you alluded to. But what? I’m sure you’ll tell us soon. 😉

    PS I’m learning a lot from you in terms of men who date. This is a great blog, I’m so glad you are chronicling your journey.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Well at that point she did need the dinner as an excuse to get out. But I still think all of what you said is possible or true. I was never a fan of her saying she is stretched thin. It was her choices not anyone else’s. Acting like you are in demand but you can still choose what you want to do and what you don’t want.

      Liked by 2 people

  2. Ugh, I fear where this is going, I agree with Cassandra, why couldn’t she just have dinner with you or was it really not a friend she was having dinner with. I feel as if she pulls the kid card as an easy out to avoid confrontation. You’re right to feel you are not being prioritized. But a nagging thought is in my head, is she making sure she keeps you from seeing people by making so many plans she knows she is not going to keep to make sure you are not out dating. She doesn’t want you to do to her what she did to you when you were still married and she was free to date. You are a strong individual, I might have bailed already, especially when you have noticed you unconsciously are holding back.

    Liked by 3 people

    1. I think it was alot about control. Making sure I wasn’t dating. There will be more in this coming soon. I often wonder whether it was a friend as well. But I never really figured it out.

      Just adding you nailed it so much in this comment.

      Liked by 2 people

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