Broken – Strange Days

It was August and Hailey was on her second trip with James. This time they were driving. She informed me about how upset James was as they embarked on their road trip. She wore a Nirvana t-shirt for the drive. But not just any Nirvana t-shirt… MY Nirvana t-shirt. James picked up on it and was convinced it was mine.


Broken is a story that is best read Chronologically to start from the beginning – Prologue

It was August and Hailey was on her second trip with James. This time they were driving. She informed me about how upset James was as they embarked on their road trip. She wore a Nirvana t-shirt for the drive. But not just any Nirvana t-shirt… MY Nirvana t-shirt. James picked up on it and was convinced it was mine.

Sometimes I thought she was sending a signal to him and sometimes it felt like it was meant for me. I would have to hear about how awful he was during this trip. And how much she was missing me.

But something else came up. She said he was reading her emails or breaking into her computer. Looking at her texts. I was wondering because she was seemingly being careful. More careful than she ever had been. Sometimes I wondered if she did want him to see certain things. Or worse was she talking to someone else?

It was after all easier for her if he was so mad he left, rather than being the one that said we are done here. But I once assured her that was not the case. That the only thing that would happen was a hyper focus on what she was doing rather than what was initially the problems in their marriage. But I knew her instinct was to blow it up vs. work at separating and transitioning. Even though she indicated that’s what she wanted.

I tried to be supportive emotionally and in any way I could but also with a healthy amount of skepticism. Then one Friday night at 8 PM I got a text. “Are you alone?” I was actually with Ashley. I did not see the text til later. But a subsequent one came in… “Not a big deal here don’t think about me tonight. Enjoy your night”. Seriously? That isn’t flying by me.

I answered “No I am not. I am hanging out with a friend.” the reply. “Good, Enjoy.” I told her that wasn’t very convincing. She said that it wasn’t about me that James got access to everything and he was drinking. I tried to have her explain but nothing was forth coming. This left me uneasy for many reasons. I couldn’t tell what was real anymore. Him getting access was kind of like a who cares moment for me. I am free. But also we had been very quiet in texting during this time. Even moved to an app to chat.

Did he find something else? I wondered even early on if she had an affair in the spring or early summer. But why show up on my door. I couldn’t make sense of any of it. On top of all that she was still trying to catch me on a date. This was maddening. I tried to be supportive and distance myself at the same time. I wanted to just be with her without all this nonsense. But maybe this nonsense comes with.

I think even worse was at the crossroads of Ashley spending the night or going home my vote was for her to go home so we could sleep. But I was also thinking I should be available for Hailey. Although I am pretty sure she exaggerated to get my attention, I just couldn’t be sure.

Just ugh, felt like shit about this one. It was not cool of me and I was subsequently pissed at Hailey. The amount of uncertainty and instability she brings in my life is so unhealthy. But I loved her. I loved her more than any woman and it was never going to be something I would easily give up on or even painstakingly.

Author: Matt

Hi, I’m Matt. Just your average uneventful guy. Dedicated Dad, emapth, and nurturer. Going through something I couldn’t possible ever thought possible. My story is called Broken. About an affair at the end of a long marriage and how ultimately I experienced the worst heartbreak of my life. It's honest, raw, and a little bit entertaining. I hope to share my story so people can learn while being therapeutic for myself.

10 thoughts on “Broken – Strange Days”

  1. You took the words out of my mouth, it is maddening. It’s as if she lives for the chaos and isn’t complete without it. She must be the entire focus of every male in her life. At least that’s the impression I get. It’s cruel and wrong for her to do not just what she does to you but to James as well. I’ve wondered how much is true about the things she tells you, all to keep her in the forefront of your mind. The wearing of your t-shirt in the car with James, there was no way for him to know it was yours, but she found a way without saying it for him to know. She plays too many games, and I breaks my heart how she’s hurting you. I could be totally off base, but as a woman knowing women that have done similar, I can’t shake the ideas that have popped into my head. Sending so many hugs your way

    Liked by 2 people

  2. “I wanted to just be with her without all this nonsense. But maybe this nonsense comes with it.” Sounds like you’re onto something there. This is maddening but I understand you still had strong feelings…

    Also I must be doing something wrong in life…Lol. I actually get generous amount of vacation time from work and travel when I can…but Hailey and James always seem to be going on trips. I am genuinely NOT being a “hater” here — don’t mistake my comment that way but… it’s interesting to me. Personally I just don’t prefer to go on a trip with someone that drives me crazy. Maybe that’s just me.

    Liked by 2 people

      1. Well I can understand not wanting to waste money on a trip already paid for…. but they still didn’t have to go…? You gave her the benefit of the doubt. Maybe not the right phrase to use, but this shows how much you were still opening your heart to the possibilities of letting her in again. (Not implying anything negative about you here btw. Just speaking to how love can allow us to make space for good or bad.)

        Liked by 1 person

  3. Matt, my friend…. it feels like we are on repeat here. I mean, I do understand there are differences…but she’s taking you on the same painful journey, again. I really feel for you… I do. Love is a bitch, and this love seems to have taken you hostage….

    Liked by 1 person

    1. It was very hot and cold. I know it seems all familiar I saw some patterns too. But she was reassuring me she was trying to leave the right way this time. And I wanted to give her the benefit of the doubt. I probably say that waaay too often.

      Like

  4. The nonsense doesn’t come with Hailey, Matt, she is the nonsense. Her whole life is nonsense, it’s what she wants. She is drama, she is manipulation, she is triangulation, she is about getting your stomach tied up in knots so much you can’t enjoy your evening with a ‘friend’. She made damn sure of that one. She is poison dripping one text at a time. This is her ‘normal’. To her, none of what she does is drama, it’s perfectly normal. She wants it that way, therefore it just is. And the worst part is, she makes you play along.

    Liked by 1 person

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