Broken – I Just Don’t Get It

I knew the silence from Hailey was coming. It was a pattern she has established when we have conflict. Especially in regards to what she is giving in the relationship. And when I hold her accountable to her words.


Broken is a story that is best read Chronologically to start from the beginning – Prologue

I knew the silence from Hailey was coming. It was a pattern she has established when we have conflict. Especially in regards to what she is giving in the relationship. And when I hold her accountable to her words.

Understanding this though is difficult. It makes no sense. Just 3 weeks earlier she had sent me a picture she took of herself on our perfect night. Something she would always remember.

It was these sweet things that just didn’t add up. We aren’t having conventional disagreements. Were we arguing over time that she has or that she wants to invest in me? I didn’t even know. I didn’t even ask for time. She said she wanted to give it to me.

But I couldn’t just sit by and hold out hope. It was time to get back out there again. Hoping someone would steal me away from this. It’s a horrible way to approach dating but I wasn’t ready to let go. I needed help.

Then I met someone. Darcey. Hard to explain what it’s like meeting a kindred spirit. Our conversation flows so easily. We can go anywhere with that conversation as well. A fellow empath something we were both discovering recently about ourselves. We see the world through a similar lens. Pretty sure the universe helped me out by putting her in my life at exactly the right time.

Our first date was comfortable in ways it shouldn’t be. Sex, politics, religion… that conversation was all free flowing. Even our family dynamic troubles were almost identical.

Our physical chemistry was great as well. Our kiss is like instant sex. We can’t even kiss that much because it only goes in one direction quickly. Even the first night after a great time our first kiss almost landed us in bed. But we decided to wait.

I know readers will have plenty of questions about Darcey. And I know I am always honest but there are reasons I don’t want to share too much and will be a little protective. So please ask but be patient with my diplomatic answers. She has become an important person in my life.

We did spend quite a bit of time initially together. But something happened that had threw me off balance. I was just sitting there wondering about Hailey. Intuitively I popped open a dating app. And there she was right there. I was stung! I could taste the adrenaline almost instantly. Just wtf! A mere 12 days after our last conversation. “Life was so hard.”

I simply took a screenshot and texted her “Ouch!”. After no response-

Me: Find a date yet? Are you not going to talk to me? I guess it does say that “i would know if you like me if you return my texts or calls.”

Her: I’m not looking for a date. I’m certainly not looking to be scolded by anyone at this point in my life either. I’m sorry you find my life draining. Just imagine how I feel living it. I got a new job. I’m working on an exit plan. The above was not for an actual attempt at a date. I have no idea how to use the app and have not gone through it.

Me: You are on a dating app without the intention of dating? What was it for? If it were the other way around what would you think or how would you react?

I never said you were draining it’s the James part that drains you and it affects others. All I can do is react to you telling me you don’t have energy to even have an ongoing text conversation with me but you have it for someone/thing else? Kind of something you would want to share instead of me just finding out? I don’t want to scold I just want to know what is going on. And don’t act angry towards me all I keep doing is showing my love and support for you when you ask me back into your life and your upset because I ask what your intentions are with me so I can sort myself out?

I immediately called Jennifer to talk me down. And I would not get a response from Hailey and this time it would be longer…

Author: Matt

Hi, I’m Matt. Just your average uneventful guy. Dedicated Dad, emapth, and nurturer. Going through something I couldn’t possible ever thought possible. My story is called Broken. About an affair at the end of a long marriage and how ultimately I experienced the worst heartbreak of my life. It's honest, raw, and a little bit entertaining. I hope to share my story so people can learn while being therapeutic for myself.

7 thoughts on “Broken – I Just Don’t Get It”

  1. I almost asked you last week if you had looked to see if she was on the dating apps again. I was guessing that she was. I’m sorry, Matt… I know you care for this woman, but she is so not worth your time. I know I shouldn’t say that, and the empath in me just wants to be endlessly supportive, but Hailey is f’ing ridiculous (for an adult with children). And, I really don’t think it is purposeful….she is just super immature, doesn’t understand herself or how her own behaviors contribute to her reality, and probably doesn’t realize just how badly she uses others.
    Okay… I’m sorry. Rant over.
    On the other hand, I am very glad you called Jennifer…reaching out to a friend in this moment was a very good, healthy idea. I am hoping she helped you to feel better, and more in control (I imagine you felt like you were spinning in this moment!).
    And… I am really hoping we get to hear more about Darcey in due time 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I am not sure any of it is conscious. But you are right not behaving like an adult or an adult who cares for somebody. I was spinning. Not super bad but I needed help.

      Liked by 1 person

  2. I can’t imagine how you felt/feel. Sorry this has been heart wrenching for you.

    Though I’m wondering – was Hailey still in the mindset of wanting to “accept invitations” at this point? I’m trying to understand where her head was because I think you had shared that she had expressed this to you, despite ALSO expressing she wanted to be with you. Confusing and conflicting as the two together may be. Now, I’m “Team Matt” and this certainly doesn’t take away the sting of you finding out in such a way but…could this explain her being on the dating app? Or had she taken back wanting to accept invitations, so this came as a surprise to you? I don’t buy her excuse of not knowing how apps work. (Come on, lady!!!) but I can imagine it was an immature knee-jerk reaction to save face like how some people say “It wasn’t me” when it was totally them.

    Though I believe some people deserve second chances IF they’ve shown they’ve worked for it and deserve it, but there’s truth to that saying “When someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time.”

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Great point Cara… So there was no discussion of her “accepting invitations” we had spoke about the possibility of her wanting that life. But I always made it clear that she needed to tell me and it was an either or thing. But I wasn’t accepting her back under conditions of open dating. I made it clear I would only date her exclusively and that I was not going backwards. I mean she came to me right? Just the context alone says she wants to be with me and she knew I wouldn’t have accepted any of this. If she changed her mind even before we had a chance to be together in and of itself was an awful thing to do. So you might say ‘well I was able to date’. But she was living with her husband even when she showed up on the app. And really was seeing me very sparingly. Plus she had all that uncertainty. I think the difference between when she was single and I was home is that there was no doubt she was the one I wanted to be with.

      Liked by 1 person

  3. OH MY GOOD GOD!!! I want to slap this bloody woman so damned hard!!!! That said, I could shake you too… just sayin… and also, I like the sound of Darcey!!
    I agree with Nora, this was the point you should have bailed for good. (Actually, that point came a while back, but I get it, I do.)
    You text her about the dating app and she immediately lays the blame at your door and says you hurt her feelings with the drain comments. Truly, she is special, please don’t for one minute think she does not have a handle on all of this, she knows exactly what she’s doing and she’s getting off on doing it too. The simple things she says are what give it away, a few posts back, she said something along the lines of, ‘I don’t think I know what love is, I don’t even know if I’m capable of feeling love…’
    Right there she played her narcissistic ace. Your empathy wanted to sooth her, fix her, actually, I believe you held back from playing straight into her hands by telling her she could love, you would show her etc etc etc, but man, oh man, that right there is her saying, I know what I am. I know what I’m doing, I know I am messing you up but honestly, if I don’t think I can actually feel love, it doesn’t really matter does it because you will keep coming back, so I can carry on playing the game.
    I wanna slap her silly.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Yes she played the Narc ace and played me. It sucks at that point I was confused. Because she was giving me the life is hard routine. It was tough. She was so convincing when she came back then turned so whatever so quickly. I can’t keep up with that flow of emotions.

      Like

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