Broken – Awful

In the immediate aftermath of that day I didn’t sleep and couldn’t eat. I wondered what the hell happened. Trying to go over it all to make sense of it. Did she just want to pursue other things? Did she really want to put the past behind her?


Broken is a story that is best read Chronologically to start from the beginning – Prologue

In the immediate aftermath of that day I didn’t sleep and couldn’t eat. I wondered what the hell happened. Trying to go over it all to make sense of it. Did she just want to pursue other things? Did she really want to put the past behind her?

I mean certainly of all the shameful things she did those 5 years doesn’t just get erased. Plus she was doing something shameful to me? Right? It took some time to set in. And then put the pieces together.

Maybe I shouldn’t have been so kind in the goodbye but how can I not make it final if I didn’t react that way. I think part of my reaction was that I knew deep down inside this needed to be final. That my dignity and self respect were on the line in the short term. And my emotional health and heart was on the line long term.

I was pretty convinced that most of what she was telling me was bullshit. How do you go from wanting to parade down the street with me while in marriages to being ashamed of what you did.

Other than saying “I am sorry how it ended.” There wasn’t really any final language. She left the door open for a conversation. Why does she keep leaving it open ended like this. I never got it.

And there was nothing in her message remotely kind. “I think you will be happy” what the fuck is that? Sounds like when I would fall down and the joke would come from a parent or coach. Rub some dirt on it and get back up. No I loved you. No real sorry. No real empathy. She treated it like it was an affair for a few months. And all OVER TEXT.

My reaction to these kinds of things is a healthy amount of anxiety and nervous energy. In which creates the incredible combination of not eating and a healthy amount of exercise without needing fuel. It catapults weight loss in me like I have never seen as I am sure my calorie deficit is off the charts. Lighter note to self. Want to get in shape real fast go through heartbreak.

It was all I could think about every second of every day. I would get work reprieves but that was about it. There was not enough going on in my life and in life just in general. And it was looking like we going to be pretty well locked down again. So lots of indoor time. I had some decisions to make to try to get through this.

I was in a real bad way. First I was going to create a workout plan and go after a body like I have never had. But I had a bigger issue. No one to talk to. Jennifer was it at the time. And she was going through something similar with Gregg. So she was a mess. All we could do is commiserate. But she was sinking. WTF! I was about to do the unthinkable. As Darcey began to press to know what was wrong as she could sense something all over me.

We talked on the phone and I confessed… everything. I know what you are thinking yet another relationship ruined by Hailey. But I needed to tell her I wasn’t in any position to prop up one end of a relationship where we were let alone progress one to a point that would be satisfactory for anyone.

I had to tell her. Something in my gut told me to tell her.

Author: Matt

Hi, I’m Matt. Just your average uneventful guy. Dedicated Dad, emapth, and nurturer. Going through something I couldn’t possible ever thought possible. My story is called Broken. About an affair at the end of a long marriage and how ultimately I experienced the worst heartbreak of my life. It's honest, raw, and a little bit entertaining. I hope to share my story so people can learn while being therapeutic for myself.

6 thoughts on “Broken – Awful”

  1. I’m so sorry, you didn’t deserve any of think. I truly feel like Hailey is a narcissistic ass. I’m sorry but seriously? She loves chaos and the chase and the forbidden. That woman will never be truly happy. Sending so many hugs.

    Liked by 2 people

  2. Sending hugs, my friend…. I have no doubt this was a very difficult time. I am also glad that you told your new friend Darcey what was going on…and I hope we get to hear more about her (though I do recognize you have already said that you are going to be protective about sharing on this front). I would really love to see Hailey firmly in your rear view mirror…. she simply is not good enough for you….but I may have a biased opinion ❤

    Liked by 2 people

  3. I think her being under your rear wheels as you reverse over her and then drive off is a much better place for her to be. I am hoping against all hope that Darcey saw this for what it was, it wasn’t you, it was that evil bitch playing you with her stupid sadistic mind games. I sincerely hope Darcey is still in the picture.

    Liked by 1 person

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

HG Tudor - Knowing The Narcissist - The World's No.1 Resource About Narcissism

Know everything about narcissists from the world's no.1 source. A narcissist himself.

The Hot Goddess

Reimagining Midlife. Change Your Life to an Authentic Life Over 50

Onward & Upward

A blog about life, about moments that we all go through in life, but find away through.

Jaycee Dean

Power in words

Summerhill Lane

Artwork, poetry, erotica and conversations

The Quiet Storm

Buyer beware it's never all rated PG!!!!

Praying for Eyebrowz

Doing the best I can with what I have

Corrupting Mrs Jones

Often unfiltered thoughts.

Mitch Teemley

The Power of Story

A Season in my life

Surviving midlife with grace and dignity. And a little humor.

Hearts and Minds

Why choose.. lets go with both

My Journey by Grace

God giving me to share time & space

Almost Iowa

Where irrationality trumps reason

Chocolate Cocaine

Eroticism, Intimacy, Sex, Erotic Poetry, Erotic, Writer, Author, Spoken Word, Erotic Spoken Word, Erotic Artist, Sensuality, Erotic Artists Unite, Karma Eve, Chocolate Cocaine

Olivia

...the journey continues

In Between Days

The musings of a 40 something who is still waiting on her happy ending and hoping he shows up a little disheveled and road-weary.

Wandering Explorer Travel

Thoughts & Memories of a Traveler at Heart

slave shae

My Submissive Journey in a Life of D/s Slavery

Be Inspired..!!

Listen to your inner self..it has all the answers..

Hopelessly Hopeless

Romance isn’t dead. It’s just overrated.

an inferior slut

18+ only | nsfw

Olivia Lucie Blake

Musings of a Millennial. Life, The World and Everything In Between.

Lillith Avir

D/s... mostly

Create your website with WordPress.com
Get started
%d bloggers like this: