Broken – Not Going Away

In the days that followed the social media fiasco and me trying to confront Hailey, I noticed her car popping up a couple times a week. There were overnights. This hurt more than I could tell you.

Broken is a story that is best read Chronologically to start from the beginning – Prologue

In the days that followed the social media fiasco and me trying to confront Hailey, I noticed her car popping up a couple times a week. There were overnights. This hurt more than I could tell you. I wanted overnights, I had only had a few. If this pace continues she will have spent more overnights in a few weeks with this new guy than I had in 2 plus years.

I could also see why she was so empowered to treat me like shit. She had someone. Someone she really liked. This was also hurtful but made all the worse because I had to see it. I had to know each and every time she was there. She didn’t try to hide her car. She parked it where I could see it. There is even a garage with roughly the same cost as on street nearby. Would cost her maybe a 30 second walk. NOPE!

I didn’t understand it. The lack of empathy, the desire to want me to know. I guess this is what it was like when she would wear my Nirvana shirt to bed. But I wasn’t James. I wasn’t even close. We never fought about anything other than when she pulled away or slept with someone else. This was throwing me for a loop.

I would spend time on psychology sites and others to try to figure it out. While I was looking Darcey was there to help. She would talk me through things. One night on a walk late to the store. I caught her car. It caught me so off guard even though I knew she was in the area. I called Darcey crying. She was great she listened helped walk my through it.

Shortly after we discussed us (Me and Darcey). Obviously I was in no position to pursue a relationship. But we liked each other. So we said we would proceed cautiously. But there was one night early on that she helped me beyond reason or expectation. She came to visit just basically to tuck me into bed to make sure I fell asleep or was in a condition to. I told her sex was unlikely but she came anyways.

She came took me to bed big spooned me and at some point I kissed her and we had sex. And it was great sex. She reminded me that I was an attractive person with something to offer the world. Which can disappear after a break up after feeling rejected. It was something that I could never repay or express enough gratitude for. She made me forget about where I was even if it was just for that night. But it pushed a stone down the hill.

Although not that night Darcey said something to me that I try to remind myself of. That Hailey didn’t reject me. I rejected her bullshit and she couldn’t deal so she had to find something or someone that would. My heart would have to catch up with my head on this one but she was right.

I finally came across a video in my search for answers. I was trying to understand the selfishness of Hailey. I have mentioned this before in my blog that I would consider her a clinically self-absorbed person with some narcissistic traits. So I continued to pull on that thread. As the video seemed to describe her. I was still on a mission to understand what happened. Otherwise how do I learn.

I wish I could be one of those people to just shed it. But I am not. There would be alot of time spent on sites until I could figure it out. The truth is I didn’t need to understand why to know Hailey was absolutely terrible to me. But I am always seeking the truth and the why. It is what I do for a living find root cause define problems so they can be solved.

This is where the story will take a change. I will circle back on some incidents and the things Hailey is doing now and tying it to findings. There has been quite a bit of speculations on why she does what she does. Does she have a personality disorder? I feel like a living case study of it. I will still have an active story but we will spend some time breaking down some of the behavior and behavioral tendencies.

Here is a sketch of the proximity of where she was “staying downtown”.

Author: Matt

Hi, I’m Matt. Just your average uneventful guy. Dedicated Dad, emapth, and nurturer. Going through something I couldn’t possible ever thought possible. My story is called Broken. About an affair at the end of a long marriage and how ultimately I experienced the worst heartbreak of my life. It's honest, raw, and a little bit entertaining. I hope to share my story so people can learn while being therapeutic for myself.

10 thoughts on “Broken – Not Going Away”

  1. I was glad to see this post….you seeing Hailey for what she is. But, I also know that getting to this point was incredibly painful. I am glad that you met someone capable of empathy and who reminded you that you are a man with a lot to offer❤

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Feeling “rejected” is horrible and deeply hurtful, especially when it comes from someone who made you feel like a person worthy of love and a person to be desired or lusted after, which you may have not felt before her. That just fucks with the head and heart and can make a person question their sense of self, even. I do hope dissecting her behavior is healing for you. Though as I’m sure you could be experiencing it now, sometimes it may not be. It takes some balance. Not saying you do this, but a gentle reminder to not let her live rent free in your head all the time… or more than is healthy.

    P.S. I appreciate this kinda old-school map and the labels. Lol Especially “New Guy Building”. Fuck dat new guy.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. I agree Cara. She has lived rent free for quite a bit. It is a balance. I do ebb and flow from healthy to unhealthy states. I guess knowing is good for me. And at the same time the “research” was probably too much at times.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Yeah, the ‘research’ can be helpful. But it’s also like going down a rabbit hole. Like when you go on WebMD and diagnose yourself with some rare disease when you don’t really have it or don’t have the knowledge base to synthesize all the info you’re getting.

        Liked by 1 person

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