Broken is a story that is best read Chronologically to start from the beginning – Prologue
I have decided to skip forward a bit because this is a term I will use in my posts going forward when telling the actual story. The Hoover name came from the same name as the Vacuum cleaner company. Basically it’s the tool of the Narcissist or manipulator to suck you back in.
What is it designed to do? Produce an emotional response. Good or Bad. There are good hoovers, benign hoovers and malignant hoovers. So sometimes these are looking for an intended response. And if you don’t react to the hoover you can wound the narcissist. It is almost like a form of rejection.
The hoover is most notable and obvious after a period of no-contact. I have probably been hoovered more times than my floor and I vacuum frequently. There is a reason they deploy this manipulation… It mostly works and they know right when to do it.
Typically hoovering is an attempt to bring you back into their life but there are always other reasons as well. So the longer the no contact the harder it is to know exactly what they are trying to accomplish. But make no mistake it is all manipulation.
Our friend HG Tudor even defines what causes this. As if the hoovering is difficult enough to avoid, victims can have an affect on the Hoovering. Great! He calls them spheres of influence. Basically-
- In Person proximity (think same area close enough to talk)
- Sighting (Driving in a car, seeing them from a distance)
- Text or Phone Call, Social Media
- Friends sighting
- A Memory (Awesome, so all i have to do is pop in their head)
Hoover fuel is one of the highest levels of fuel there is. It is right up there with the Golden Period/Seduction/Love bombing phase. But there is one that supersedes it all. The initial grand hoover the re-ensaring of a former Intimate Primary Fuel Supply (I.E. Me or James). Even more good news.
I will cover in the not too distant future as many Hoovers as I can identify. What makes the Hoover even more insidious that most of it is passive aggressive and never direct. They have the balls to lay abuse on you. Walk away without notice. Trample on you after they have disengaged. But they are just outright cowards.
Any one can be brave when someone is weak. And they lack fear in those moments as we fall victim. But the true definition of courage is doing something in the face of fear. Anybody can be a bully.
A hoover isn’t necessarily meant for a romantic partner. It can be used on other sources. But the first time I saw this type of manipulation from Hailey was that day in my office when she was talking with her daughter.
How could I see it so clearly when it was happening to someone else and not me? I knew I was witnessing something I have never seen before and didn’t know what it was. Something for a future post maybe?