Broken – Down Stream Impact

The picture with the necklace isn’t just like the other Hoovers. It’s a direct overture. An escalated response to the other dating app sightings and me not responding. It’s her being more aggressive

Broken is a story that is best read Chronologically to start from the beginning – Prologue

The picture with the necklace isn’t just like the other Hoovers. It’s a direct overture. An escalated response to the other dating app sightings and me not responding. It’s her being more aggressive. I don’t think it’s malignant. If I responded harshly she would probably accept that fuel but that’s not what she wants. I have to ignore it. But this will have consequences.

The Hoover opportunity starts the New Guy’s devaluation period. She has seen me, I look good and she wants a taste of that fuel. Imagine willing to up end three lives including your own for a short term feeling. This is what life is like with a narcissist. Life turns on a dime. This is so disorienting when you are in it.

HG Tudor put’s it perfectly here – “Instead it is the opportunity which suddenly arises to hoover a predecessor. This person may have been discarded and moved away from our sphere of influence or they have escaped and done likewise, but now something has happened whereby they have come back into our sphere of influence. The promise of that sweet and powerful hoover fuel will outweigh the positive fuel that the new supply is currently providing .”

So what happens if I ignore this? Will it wound her and she will be upset? She will see it as a rejection right? What happens now?

Tudor continues: “The prospect of getting this hoover fuel means that we want to focus our attention on the predecessor and hoover them. We will not let go of the current supply, not yet, because that will leave us in in-between primary sources of fuel. Instead, we commence the hoover to seduce again the predecessor and thus because they have appeared on the horizon they make current supply look like the less desirable option. This causes us to question why we are with this person, to regard the current supply as a mistake and therefore we switch too devaluing that current supply as we begin the seduction of the predecessor once again. Should the hoover fail, expect the golden period to be reinstated for the current supply, with another sudden switch. Should it succeed and we begin to tie the predecessor back to us once more with the hoover fuel beginning to flow, current supply can expect the devaluation to worsen as you hurtle towards being discarded.

A sudden switch to devaluation may indeed herald the fact that a predecessor has appeared on our radar and we are hoovering that person at the current supply’s expense.”

This has consequences for new guy and me. The best thing long term is to ignore her. Risk that she sees it as a rejection. But this will come back at me. What has been somewhat of a grace period as she devalues the new guy. It’s going to be like it was in December again when the hoover fails, worse when she feels rejected.

I am quite literally damned if I do, damned if I don’t. This decision is hard enough because of all the feelings I have had and the fact that I could temporarily end the pain by just letting her back, but knowing rejection will drive her back into this guy. Is an added yikes!

But my desire for long term health, my sensibility and pride forbid me to make contact. If we ever have a conversation it will be on my terms. The only way is for her to make contact with me. An essential admission of guilt. Plus how gross. I see her car that day she puts up the picture with my necklace and she is trying to hide it but is doing a poor job. Not too mention just days earlier as I was driving through to the store. I saw her car and it pulling into a spot and park I saw her jump back in the car after getting out as she saw me approach. She was on the passenger side and I assume he was driving. So she is still close to that guy. I guess I shouldn’t care but it just makes me feel disgusted.

I think people think how did you not see all these things? This guy isn’t seeing it either! She is literally spending the night at his place and she is on the app wearing my necklace. Hopping back in the car for no reason. He probably senses something but she is there in his presence. So it’s all good. I have been there.

After that night she stays away from the area but is on the app for a few days then suddenly disappears for a few days for some time with her kids. Best guess based on what I know about her. She is missing from the area for a solid week. And has only parked nearby twice in almost three weeks. Even bigger guess is she is taking some time to think about what she wants to do.

Then it happens. She is back and back hard. Right where she used to be no hiding anymore it is prominent and early in the day parked right out front. She hasn’t done this in nearly 6 weeks. And It hurts again. Why? I am disgusted with her and with myself for being hurt. But this is exactly what was to be expected the pattern right down to the detail. I can’t believe how fucking predictable this was.

I already decided that day I would go to sit at the restaurant down the street before I saw her on my daily store run. And I am going to have to walk by that car. I feel like I need to do it even if it is like some form of aversion therapy here, I will walk by and just live my life. I walk to the restaurant arrive at the hostess station to tell them my reservation for one at the bar. I turn and see it… Hailey and her New Guy sitting there!!! We would be the only three people at the bar that night… I knew this day would come.

Author: Matt

Hi, I’m Matt. Just your average uneventful guy. Dedicated Dad, emapth, and nurturer. Going through something I couldn’t possible ever thought possible. My story is called Broken. About an affair at the end of a long marriage and how ultimately I experienced the worst heartbreak of my life. It's honest, raw, and a little bit entertaining. I hope to share my story so people can learn while being therapeutic for myself.

5 thoughts on “Broken – Down Stream Impact”

  1. It seems to be never-ending! Bumping into an ex or having to spend any extended time with an ex, is hardly ever an enjoyable experience — I think we’ve all been there to some degree. But I imagine this maybe was even more difficult and annoying maybe, especially if this was a circumstance that you suspect may have been crafted on her part?

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I don’t think the rest. was crafted. But parking, not parking, drive by’s, dating apps, were all very intentional. She excels at non verbal communication and manipulation.

      Liked by 1 person

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