Broken – Two Maybe Three

It’s hard going through divorce or a break up. Let alone both. I find myself constantly caught between two or three worlds. I know what you were thinking with that title.

It’s hard going through divorce or a break up. Let alone both. I find myself constantly caught between two or three worlds. I know what you were thinking with that title. Get your minds out of the gutter. And I wish. Ok onto what this is about.

My morning routine I just did it. And now Hailey has become a part of it. She walks by as I am on my morning walk. I go stretch my legs and get the blood flowing something that has helped with running, otherwise my legs start to seize up. I get coffee on the way back. I try to vary this 15 minutes earlier than yesterday to avoid her. But there she was. This time on my side of the street. She did walk in the street in the bike path as I had already claimed the side walk. But walked right past me. Maybe 10 feet between us.

She would need to walk .75 miles to get to that point from the street she lives on. I know she likes taking exercise walks. But she once did them at 5/6 AM. And the ocean is about .5 mile from her in the opposite direction. Anyways I have a quick stutter in my heart I look straight ahead and keep walking. Fine by the time I land at the coffee shop. This is a definitive improvement. A few months ago that might change my day.

Going home is another source of anxiety. The good news is it has defrosted lately. So maybe things are turning around there. I see my kids they are doing well, better.

Those are my two worlds of the past both very different. Then I have my new one. Jennifer, Darcey, my apartment… my exercise. Freedom and Space. While these worlds hardly ever collide, and it’s not that I try to keep them separate, they all affect me. I carry them into the other places.

I am sure Darcey is sick of hearing about Hailey. But like me she is fascinated by the behavior. It is almost like an episode of Murder She Wrote or maybe more appropriately Scooby Doo. Where we unmask whatever facade she is wearing today.

The trouble is that Hailey’s mood can literally change day to day. A Forrest Gump box of chocolates. But we try to figure it out just enough so I am not harmed in any way.

My ex ex has been a hard nut to crack. I have tried to let time do it’s thing as my therapist suggested. He said they will come to you. Just be there and basically swallow your shit sandwich. It’s gross by the way. lol.

Today is strength training and I am looking forward to it. Although I am running out of weights in the gym in my building. They only get to 50lb dumbbells and those are getting far too easy. It is almost time to get back to the gym but i am waiting until I am fully vaccinated. I can squeak out a few more weeks of my little gym.

It has served me so well. I have logged miles and miles on the treadmill in there when it was too cold out. They had a jump rope and a bench that could alter angles. I did enough research to come up with a program combining HIIT/Cardio/Strength training. It’s my own custom thing and I am pretty proud of putting it together. I put Darcey on some of it. Everyone is complimenting her arms. I kid she does the work.

These are my worlds. And I will visit each one of them today as if I were teleported to a new world. Some day it will just be a new world where the past will be a different thing in my present and hopefully Hailey will be a distant memory and not the kid in my face screaming… “I am not touching you!”

Author: Matt

Hi, I’m Matt. Just your average uneventful guy. Dedicated Dad, emapth, and nurturer. Going through something I couldn’t possible ever thought possible. My story is called Broken. About an affair at the end of a long marriage and how ultimately I experienced the worst heartbreak of my life. It's honest, raw, and a little bit entertaining. I hope to share my story so people can learn while being therapeutic for myself.

9 thoughts on “Broken – Two Maybe Three”

  1. Feeling that your worlds are disconnected from one another is an emotionally challenging place to be. Hopefully your life with your kids and your new apartment can be merged at some point, when all involved are ready for that. Do your kids come to the apartment yet? I would imagine having a dad that lives less than a mile from the beach would be pretty cool. Looking forward to the day that you feel centered again, my friend 🙂

    And as a single man….two, three? You are rockin’ that new bod….use it 😉

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thanks Nora. I knew you would go naughty. My intention isn’t to keep it like this for very long. I am trying to respect other’s boundaries sometimes its easier in the pandemic to keep it in one spot. I live a mile from the kids so they have the same proximity to the beach. lol.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. LOL…oh, okay. Well, the area where you live still sounds pretty cool. Maybe you can get your kids hooked on an ice cream joint there, or something else that is unique to where you live….create some sort of new tradition that is unique to you and your new living situation. I totally get it about the pandemic though…it’s probably easier for now to just do everything at your previous home.
        And… I ALWAYS go naughty! 🙂


  2. Sounds like you’re on a better path these days. It takes time and it’s what you do with that time that can either help with healing or delay it. You’re making the most of it, it seems. And yeah post a pic or else it’s just WWP. jk 😛

    Liked by 2 people

  3. I am just going to throw my two cents in….don’t post pictures of yourself! A gal I’ve been following for a long time was recently outed by a co-worker….who now knows WAY too much about her (she hosts a spanking/sex blog like mine). Apparently the co-worker had been suspecting that she might be the blogger for awhile, but after she posted a picture of herself…that person emailed her, “outing” her. So…be careful! No face shots at a minimum, or pictures showing identifying tattoos or anything. Stepping off my soap box now….Just wanting everyone to be safe 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

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