It’s hard going through divorce or a break up. Let alone both. I find myself constantly caught between two or three worlds. I know what you were thinking with that title. Get your minds out of the gutter. And I wish. Ok onto what this is about.
My morning routine I just did it. And now Hailey has become a part of it. She walks by as I am on my morning walk. I go stretch my legs and get the blood flowing something that has helped with running, otherwise my legs start to seize up. I get coffee on the way back. I try to vary this 15 minutes earlier than yesterday to avoid her. But there she was. This time on my side of the street. She did walk in the street in the bike path as I had already claimed the side walk. But walked right past me. Maybe 10 feet between us.
She would need to walk .75 miles to get to that point from the street she lives on. I know she likes taking exercise walks. But she once did them at 5/6 AM. And the ocean is about .5 mile from her in the opposite direction. Anyways I have a quick stutter in my heart I look straight ahead and keep walking. Fine by the time I land at the coffee shop. This is a definitive improvement. A few months ago that might change my day.
Going home is another source of anxiety. The good news is it has defrosted lately. So maybe things are turning around there. I see my kids they are doing well, better.
Those are my two worlds of the past both very different. Then I have my new one. Jennifer, Darcey, my apartment… my exercise. Freedom and Space. While these worlds hardly ever collide, and it’s not that I try to keep them separate, they all affect me. I carry them into the other places.
I am sure Darcey is sick of hearing about Hailey. But like me she is fascinated by the behavior. It is almost like an episode of Murder She Wrote or maybe more appropriately Scooby Doo. Where we unmask whatever facade she is wearing today.
The trouble is that Hailey’s mood can literally change day to day. A Forrest Gump box of chocolates. But we try to figure it out just enough so I am not harmed in any way.
My ex ex has been a hard nut to crack. I have tried to let time do it’s thing as my therapist suggested. He said they will come to you. Just be there and basically swallow your shit sandwich. It’s gross by the way. lol.
Today is strength training and I am looking forward to it. Although I am running out of weights in the gym in my building. They only get to 50lb dumbbells and those are getting far too easy. It is almost time to get back to the gym but i am waiting until I am fully vaccinated. I can squeak out a few more weeks of my little gym.
It has served me so well. I have logged miles and miles on the treadmill in there when it was too cold out. They had a jump rope and a bench that could alter angles. I did enough research to come up with a program combining HIIT/Cardio/Strength training. It’s my own custom thing and I am pretty proud of putting it together. I put Darcey on some of it. Everyone is complimenting her arms. I kid she does the work.
These are my worlds. And I will visit each one of them today as if I were teleported to a new world. Some day it will just be a new world where the past will be a different thing in my present and hopefully Hailey will be a distant memory and not the kid in my face screaming… “I am not touching you!”