Broken – I Have No Game

So when I know a woman is into me it’s game on. I can take the lead, I can be assertive, agressive, etc. Before then I am as shy as can be in terms of making moves. I try it’s awkward.


Broken is a story that is best read Chronologically to start from the beginning – Prologue

So when I know a woman is into me it’s game on. I can take the lead, I can be assertive, agressive, etc. Before then I am as shy as can be in terms of making moves. I try it’s awkward. Most of my life is based on feeling other feelings.

In dating that can manifest itself in feeling uncertainty. What is the uncertainty… is she waiting to see if I like her, is she wondering if she likes me, is she wondering if it is long term or short term, or maybe she is wondering if she will sleep with me. Who knows?

That uncertainty makes me uncertain and puts me in a descending spiral of awkwardness. It’s almost like an out of body experience. The other night I was out walking the dog and immediately as I crested the outside there was this tallish very cute blonde girl standing outside looking in the restaurant. By herself… friday night… dressed up.

Uh hello. I said “the food is good if you are wondering.” She introduced herself to my dog and petted her while I told her about the neighborhood. I asked her a few questions like when did she get here? What have her experiences been? Etc. etc. It was a nice conversation she even asked my dog if she wanted to go have dinner with her. It was all very cute.

I was going to meet Darcey so joining her really wasn’t an option. But damn it no name or phone exchange? No “Hi! I am Matt welcome to the neighborhood. If you don’t like this place. Here is my number the next one is on me.” I was engaging right up until that moment. Instead I uttered out “nice to meet you” and took my dog back upstairs. As i went to my car I saw her inside… alone. My god!! I am like a teenage boy again.

The truth is I never learned this skill. Being an INFJ it kills me to ask for that next step. I want to spare everyone the awkward possibility of saying “no”. Darcey and I talk about this quite frequently as even though she is introverted she is far more direct. It was an article that she shared with me here about dating for an INFJ.

But it was a comment to the article that struck me and is so spot on…

Reality is, an INFJ male is still expected to make all the initial overtures when everything in their INFJness screams not to, rejection seems to be amplified exponentially for the INFJ male; why? Because to get to the position of actually approaching a woman, the INFJ male has thought out the million possible scenarios, analysed them all, lived and died through every one of them, gone through the terror of of making the decision to go against every fiber of their INFJness and against all rational thought and sensibility, swallowed hard and taken the risk….

And chances are, while our INFJness is usually right in assessment of situations, there is still a far lowish chance that we will be liked and accepted…. and therefore know of the inevitable expected rejection… which drains and can kill our batteries like no other thing in life...

And for the record, I am not saying INFJ women have it easier than INFJ men in everything…. not at all… but in this scenario, I am amazed that any INFJ males ever get into a happy and committed satisfied relationship 😉 (I certainly haven’t)

The truth is I couldn’t process that fast if it was the right situation. It felt right. I would much rather take risk here but the essence of who I am stops me. I over analyze and break down. That is why I prefer apps, i don’t like them really. But at least I know the woman on the other end thought of me attractive enough to match.

I will continue to try and get better at this. I have only aggressively pursued one or two women in my life. And the truth is my Dad left me when I was young. Was close by but I never had a real relationship with him. It compounds my INFJness with Daddy issues and fear of abandonment. I am a recovering codependent. I have experienced so little unconditional love in my life that I am afraid even before I get to ask someone out. Not just for that reason but also for it all. Abandonment, INFJ shit, relationship experience.

It’s strange because it’s not a lack of confidence. I feel like I am a pretty good catch. But I know that is subjective. So I am self aware. But I will always think of that one time it didn’t work out and that will just stick there. I could have success 99/100 times. I will remember how awful that one time was. Unfuckingbelievable.

Great tik tok on showing what this would be like. This shows it with a phone call and I relate so much but this is pretty much with everything with me. Sometimes I am amazed I am a functioning human being.

Author: Matt

Hi, I’m Matt. Just your average uneventful guy. Dedicated Dad, emapth, and nurturer. Going through something I couldn’t possible ever thought possible. My story is called Broken. About an affair at the end of a long marriage and how ultimately I experienced the worst heartbreak of my life. It's honest, raw, and a little bit entertaining. I hope to share my story so people can learn while being therapeutic for myself.

13 thoughts on “Broken – I Have No Game”

  1. If you see that girl again….go up to her and say something like, “I really wanted to ask you out the first time we talked, but I get a little shy in these situations. My dog and I would love to take you to dinner sometime.” I imagine that your honesty will get her over any perceived rejection on her part from the first encounter…..
    You can do this! You ARE a catch!

    Liked by 2 people

    1. I think all is good there. Except might change take you out to offer her my number that way she can use it or not. Because her saying no… see the comment and it draining. 🙂 Thanks Nora!! You are the best. Can you just pass her a note in study hall for me?

      Liked by 1 person

      1. LOL. If I could pass her a note and make it easy for you, my friend… I would. Meeting new people isn’t easy, and it’s something I haven’t done in almost 20 years, so I imagine I would be rusty too. But try to take some chances…the best experiences often come from those 🙂

        Liked by 1 person

  2. You have soooo much to offer. You have to have some faith in yourself, she wouldn’t have asked your dog if she wanted to come to dinner with her and bring you along if she wasn’t attracted to you. I know how hard it is to believe someone can be interested in us, but trust me you have wit, charm, and from the mirror pic a great body and sexy foot. Gotta bite the bullet and try sometime

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you Storm! This is very sweet of you. I will try and bite the bullet at some point. My dog is a cute little Frenchie! People used to gasp when she was a puppy. Still gets alot of attention. She is a s diva though.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. No way!!! I have a Frenchie!!! He’s going to be 14 in July 🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻. His name is Monster and he is my world. See now I like you even more! You’re perfect we need to find the perfect woman for you now lol

        Liked by 1 person

  3. Funny TikTok. Sounds like you know what you have to offer and don’t need a confidence boost. It’s more like a case of analysis paralysis? That’s tough.

    I’m sure there could be a way of making shyness or “awkwardness” work for you. Maybe you already have, unknowingly or knowingly? Not that my perspective applies to your life, but when I was single and even now when I get hit on, I have (mostly) found it endearing when a man has been flustered or shy or even slightly awkward around me because he IS interested. It’s cute – and not in a friend-zone, condescending way either. Then again, I know shit about dating these days and maybe single women are different and want men to be a certain way lol.

    Either way – you do you. And you’ll be fine.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Yes that is exactly what it is… analysis paralysis. I am getting better with awkwardness and sharing it rather than trying to hide it. That seems endearing and authentic. I mean it is. I am working on being me just more outward with a little more risk.

      Like

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s