Broken – 21 Days Day 8

I kind of saw her but that whole stay enough away to not make eye contact or directly see her face worked. I went for my run it looked like she was at the restaurant. But I used peripheral vision. Then the same when I went out later.


Broken is a story that is best read Chronologically to start from the beginning – Prologue

I kind of saw her but that whole stay enough away to not make eye contact or directly see her face worked. I went for my run it looked like she was at the restaurant. But I used peripheral vision. Then the same when I went out later for dinner.

I only noticed her by her friend. So instead of looking at her I looked at the person next to her. It was confirmed when I caught them sort of following where I was going. I saw her friend and the blonde head and I immediately crossed the street and transcended the block. She is such a pain in the ass. Good thing the other place was crowded and I went a couple blocks away. Or she may have pinned me in.

My staycation with Dre is coming soon. We are going to whore it up in a big city. Getting through the next week or so should be “easy”. I do have some pressing work stuff. TMI here I have been getting way more erections lately. But it had me thinking about things.

As an INFJ deeper connections are more important. And for all intense and purposes my dick is connected directly to my heart and brain. Even for casual sex minus a few moments I need to feel a connection. But that fucking “N” in the INFJ… intuition and being an empath on top of it. I have to “feel” everything. I had issues with staying hard with Hailey. Why? I hadn’t really with anyone else.

Was my intuition trying to sabotage me? Was it deliberately like… This chick is bad fucking news. I am taking away erection privileges..? I thought initially it was cause I was so attracted to her, I would instantly overheat. That last part is true but not so sure about the first one.

I swear my body was a five alarm fire when she walked through that door last July. I asked her “why she was there” almost immediately. But it’s not just about her. I have considered some group sex/swinging recently and I literally can’t just “do it”. The woman will have to be attracted to me and show me that. I can’t be just a dick. lol. What is wrong with me?

Sometimes being a complex person is great. I can connect with someone’s soul but the other times it can be a big fucking nuisance. Intuition is great but it’s like the TV is on just a little too loud and it can overwhelm you suddenly.

Sometimes it keeps something from happening it costs me early in dating like the first few dates. I am trying to “feel” if this person is attracted to me. And I forget to show my own interest. My intuition is looking for something like permission to give it a go. Probably a bit protective of rejection and awkward moments.

There are silver linings when you suffer from abuse or a toxic relationship. There is a lot of examination. Self reflection. And one of the big ones is knowing yourself better. We are always stronger when we “fail” or get knocked down. This isn’t an ideal path to self discovery but I know myself better than I ever have. I feel stronger than I ever have.

Author: Matt

Hi, I’m Matt. Just your average uneventful guy. Dedicated Dad, emapth, and nurturer. Going through something I couldn’t possible ever thought possible. My story is called Broken. About an affair at the end of a long marriage and how ultimately I experienced the worst heartbreak of my life. It's honest, raw, and a little bit entertaining. I hope to share my story so people can learn while being therapeutic for myself.

2 thoughts on “Broken – 21 Days Day 8”

  1. You are sounding stronger. I love how you ended with the silver lining. So true. Surviving a toxic relationship takes you to self-reflection. We learn more about ourselves, and grow through the pain. Good for you for recognizing that.

    Liked by 2 people

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

HG Tudor - Knowing The Narcissist - The World's No.1 Resource About Narcissism

Know everything about narcissists from the world's no.1 source. A narcissist himself.

The Hot Goddess

Reimagining Midlife. Change Your Life to an Authentic Life Over 50

Onward & Upward

A blog about life, about moments that we all go through in life, but find away through.

Jaycee Dean

Power in words

The Quiet Storm

Buyer beware it's never all rated PG!!!!

Praying for Eyebrowz

Doing the best I can with what I have

Corrupting Mrs Jones

Often unfiltered thoughts.

Mitch Teemley

The Power of Story

A Season in my life

Surviving midlife with grace and dignity. And a little humor.

Hearts and Minds

Why choose.. lets go with both

My Journey by Grace

God giving me to share time & space

Almost Iowa

Where irrationality trumps reason

Chocolate Cocaine

Eroticism, Intimacy, Sex, Erotic Poetry, Erotic, Writer, Author, Spoken Word, Erotic Spoken Word, Erotic Artist, Sensuality, Erotic Artists Unite, Karma Eve, Chocolate Cocaine

Olivia

...the journey continues

In Between Days

The musings of a 40 something who is still waiting on her happy ending and hoping he shows up a little disheveled and road-weary.

Wandering Explorer Travel

Thoughts & Memories of a Traveler at Heart

slave shae

My Submissive Journey in a Life of D/s Slavery

Be Inspired..!!

Listen to your inner self..it has all the answers..

Hopelessly Hopeless

Romance isn’t dead. It’s just overrated.

an inferior slut

18+ only | nsfw

Olivia Lucie Blake

Musings of a Millennial. Life, The World and Everything In Between.

Lillith Avir

D/s... mostly

Create your website with WordPress.com
Get started
%d bloggers like this: