Broken – Ripple Effects and Patterns

he ripple effects of trauma are a bitch. I had a fight with family last weekend and it hurt me deeply. It is about something I care so much about and fighting a narrative that isn’t true. So it is frustrating on top of it. Conversations are impending but the dust needs to settle.


The ripple effects of trauma are a bitch. I had a fight with family last weekend and it hurt me deeply. It is about something I care so much about and fighting a narrative that isn’t true. So it is frustrating on top of it. Conversations are impending but the dust needs to settle.

It has triggered my trauma sleep pattern though. For the past 7 or 8 months I have been in and out of some pretty severe responses by my body. The one that manifests the most is that I am waking myself out of a sound sleep just as I hit that point. Like that moment in study hall when you realized you were sleeping in a place you shouldn’t.

I do this throughout the night and even when I try to take a nap. My body responds as “you can’t rest you are in trouble” kind of way. I was exhausted by Sunday in and out of sleep. This is basically my body saying it’s in trouble and it should be on alert. My body is telling me a lot of things lately.

So the pattern of Hailey trying like hell to get me to respond only to have her reinstate herself with her guy has gone on it’s 5th or 6th iteration. I saw her while I was walking up my street. That’s right she drove up my street and went to a take out place at the end of it. The place is not really on my street. It is at the top of the block in the middle of two streets. She could have gone one more down. Same distance and easier to park. Nope!!

She was coming out and I was walking. I ignored her. I could feel the energy of her disdain of me not paying attention. She had been hiding her car for 2 weeks then right after that she goes right back to loud and proud. She genuinely sees those as opportunities to bring me back into her fold. And then feels rejected when they don’t go like she anticipates, can you imagine the entitlement. After that she goes right back out in front. This will last for 2 weeks until she sees me again or when the fuel runs stale.

Exhausting. I am desensitized but not unaffected. The good news is I live my life. I am having a good time although Summer Whore Tour has caught up and my body is like “Fuck You”. “You couldn’t drink 3 nights a week when you were in your 20s, what the fuck makes you think you can do it now?” Ok Ok. Sheesh.

This is what it’s like in my head right now. The trouble is I have a hard time just relaxing or sitting still normally. Add on the fight, Hailey, and it being summer I just want to get out. Oh well. I am actually happy it’s Monday. Work, Gym, Laundry. Sounds kind of nice.

Author: Matt

Hi, I’m Matt. Just your average uneventful guy. Dedicated Dad, emapth, and nurturer. Going through something I couldn’t possible ever thought possible. My story is called Broken. About an affair at the end of a long marriage and how ultimately I experienced the worst heartbreak of my life. It's honest, raw, and a little bit entertaining. I hope to share my story so people can learn while being therapeutic for myself.

2 thoughts on “Broken – Ripple Effects and Patterns”

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

HG Tudor - Knowing The Narcissist - The World's No.1 Resource About Narcissism

Know everything about narcissists from the world's no.1 source. A narcissist himself.

The Hot Goddess

Reimagining Midlife. Change Your Life to an Authentic Life Over 50

Onward & Upward

A blog about life, about moments that we all go through in life, but find away through.

Jaycee Dean

Power in words

Summerhill Lane

Artwork, poetry, erotica and conversations

The Quiet Storm

Buyer beware it's never all rated PG!!!!

Praying for Eyebrowz

Doing the best I can with what I have

Corrupting Mrs Jones

Often unfiltered thoughts.

Mitch Teemley

The Power of Story

A Season in my life

Surviving midlife with grace and dignity. And a little humor.

Hearts and Minds

Why choose.. lets go with both

My Journey by Grace

God giving me to share time & space

Almost Iowa

Where irrationality trumps reason

Chocolate Cocaine

Eroticism, Intimacy, Sex, Erotic Poetry, Erotic, Writer, Author, Spoken Word, Erotic Spoken Word, Erotic Artist, Sensuality, Erotic Artists Unite, Karma Eve, Chocolate Cocaine

Olivia

...the journey continues

In Between Days

The musings of a 40 something who is still waiting on her happy ending and hoping he shows up a little disheveled and road-weary.

Wandering Explorer Travel

Thoughts & Memories of a Traveler at Heart

slave shae

My Submissive Journey in a Life of D/s Slavery

Be Inspired..!!

Listen to your inner self..it has all the answers..

Hopelessly Hopeless

Romance isn’t dead. It’s just overrated.

an inferior slut

18+ only | nsfw

Olivia Lucie Blake

Musings of a Millennial. Life, The World and Everything In Between.

Lillith Avir

D/s... mostly

Create your website with WordPress.com
Get started
%d bloggers like this: