Broken – Perspective

Let’s talk about perspective for a moment. Especially in regards to Hailey’s continued attempt at abuse or manipulations to try to stay in my life. Let’s start with a fact based reality…

Let’s talk about perspective for a moment. Especially in regards to Hailey’s continued attempt at abuse or manipulations to try to stay in my life. Let’s start with a fact based reality…

  • She left her husband to be with me and date
  • She left me to sleep with some guy
  • She got back together with me, she then went back to her husband, then came back to me, then to her new guy. In one calendar year.
  • She has left her husband 3 times in 2 years.
  • She has left me 3 times in 2 years.
  • She has been on the dating sites (all three major ones) wearing my necklace and posting a picture of her that her new guy took all while dating the new guy.
  • She has attempted to continuously approach me and touched me after months of no communication.
  • She moved into my neighborhood.
  • She likely moved her new guy into my neighborhood.
  • She moved out of my neighborhood and either broke up or moved in with new guy

Now if I gave you no context other than I what I meant to her… Someone that she had an affair with, told she loved, and dated after separation. What would you think?

She has the benefit of not carrying all of the above around with her. There is no red letter A on her shirt. So perception works in her favor. Because she can control perception a little bit and that includes her perception of herself. A narcissist knows they are a bad person. They know the shitty things they do. They know the high they get for making someone miserable. But they don’t necessarily know why.

To remedy their shame they gaslight to cover those things up. To alter perspective this includes lying to themselves. They have a strange ability to know deep down inside what they did but also believe they were entitled to do the crappy things they do.

And it is the narcissism that allows them to lie to themselves to alter this perception to create a different reality. They find the areas in between, they keep enough plausibility to create a reality that is comfortable for them. But to what end. And what is she doing for? And what is she ignoring to keep this perspective?

She does it to keep her facade, then to try and get back some control over me, so I can be a useful source of fuel in the future. I know now that I was the best and worst for her. My empathy, who I am, what I look like gave her a rush of fuel. But I was quicker than most men to hold her accountable. She said I was hard on her. I frustrate the fuck out of her yet she is drawn to me like a moth to a flame.

Why does she have a fresh perspective on us? Why does she even think there can be remotely a minimal friendly discourse?

I am going to provide the context that she is ignoring. Let’s start here. She left me 3 times for other men. The first time she asked for space because I disappointed her. (WTF?!) The second time was to go back to the man that hated me. Gross! But she convinced herself and me she did it for her children. The third time was for some guy who she moved in two doors down that she has likely been taking to since 2019 while telling me she loved me and wanted me.

She doesn’t view any of the above as problematic. She doesn’t have the empathy to see how hurtful dating and moving in with a guy two doors down can be. She thinks she is entitled to her happiness and I just should get over it and wish the best for her.

So to her nothing has really happened. She is probably surprised by my reaction when she touched me. And the fact that I ignore her every time we cross paths.

And right now I can feel her lying in wait. She has either broken up or moved in with the new guy. But not 2 doors down. She doesn’t park here anymore. And it is only about once a week I see her. Which is still quite frequently considering.

But she still tries to create opportunities for us to crossover. She is probably frustrated as hell that I haven’t talked to her. Ironically she probably thinks I am being “dramatic” about it all. The lack of empathy keeps her from seeing my side. She only sees… I was just trying to find happiness. It didn’t matter the amount of lives (I am 100% certain her kids and James were affected) she ruins to get it. Which ironically will forever keep you from finding it. If you see the very people you fucked over daily to try and find your new whatever you will never find happiness, narc or not.

This is where I need to be careful. I need to keep my empathy and will for justice or closure in check. Narcissists cannot be alone for long so unless she has lined something up I could be on the menu. From her perspective she is entitled to another try if she wants one.

Before anyone freaks out. I wrote this over a month ago with some edits to make it current. I wanted to bring it up because it’s necessary to show how and why someone would not just “move on”. Shame, what would normally keep someone away, is felt but rejected. Entitlement wins out at the end of the day.

Entitlement is something I have looked at through a new lens. There are many layers to it. I used to think it was just that you thought the world owed you something or for rich and privileged people.

But there are people who generally feel entitled to make you miserable for their own happiness. It isn’t a conscious thought it’s just purely instinct. The amount of abuse this heaps on their victims is staggering.

Combine this with their ability to gaslight and you have a fait accompli. A destined victim even if they escape. I still have to be engaurde for what might come my way, or her kids, or James for that matter. Anyone that has been sucked in and is considered a good source of fuel.

Author: Matt

Hi, I’m Matt. Just your average uneventful guy. Dedicated Dad, emapth, and nurturer. Going through something I couldn’t possible ever thought possible. My story is called Broken. About an affair at the end of a long marriage and how ultimately I experienced the worst heartbreak of my life. It's honest, raw, and a little bit entertaining. I hope to share my story so people can learn while being therapeutic for myself.

6 thoughts on “Broken – Perspective”

  1. It is quite simple really Matt, she is her façade! There is nothing deeper than that, her life is her creation to twist and manipulate however she wants to get what or who she wants next. She is not lying to herself, she believes her own version of events entirely, there is no real truth versus her fiction. There is only her fictional account of what happened. We can’t believe that these people could possibly be that shallow or empty or manipulative but honestly, they just are. They are literally devoid of empathy or conscience.
    She will view you as unfinished business so long as she keeps you on her radar. The fact that she still views you from afar once a week is testament that she still thinks she can win you back whenever she wants and she will be imagining your reaction to her every time she sees you. That imagination will become her reality and she will have convinced herself that you are desperate to have her back.
    She is relying on the physical attraction alone in that instance, firmly believing that because she could turn you on in the past she will, once again, in the present. It would never cross her mind that you might refuse and mean it.
    These people do not understand no. They do not understand finished, done, quit, be gone. They think they are the only ones who can end something. We are their tools. We aren’t supposed to have an opinion, we are just supposed to be there for them when they want us, until they tire of us and then we are supposed to sit and wait patiently until they decide to come back.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I agree on all of that. Although I do think on some level they know, I know they live the version she has created for themselves and it’s a significant departure from reality. But I think they know the shitty truth because they need to tell the lie to being with. And when it benefits them they will acknowledge the truth but only when it benefits them. But very well said… they are truly terrible, not sure what you call them certainly not human beings.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. I agree that on some level they must recognise that their behaviour is not acceptable but in reality I don’t think they care. They may acknowledge it when it suits them, but the acknowledgement is only ever skin deep. They don’t actually ever feel real remorse for their actions. They pay lip service to it in order to bring us back onside. Once there, they revert to their usual bag of tricks. Object achieved. There really isn’t a polite name for them except perhaps base creatures with no real morality to speak of. They are mimics, a parody of humans, not quite there yet but able to mimic acceptable behaviour. They did not evolve past their own base needs.

        Liked by 1 person

  2. Sorry to say she is a pathetic human being the way she makes sure to keep you in her sites in some way some how. I hate all you’ve had to deal with her and the heart ache it brought but I’m glad you are done with her. You deserve better

    Liked by 1 person

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