Let’s talk about perspective for a moment. Especially in regards to Hailey’s continued attempt at abuse or manipulations to try to stay in my life. Let’s start with a fact based reality…
- She left her husband to be with me and date
- She left me to sleep with some guy
- She got back together with me, she then went back to her husband, then came back to me, then to her new guy. In one calendar year.
- She has left her husband 3 times in 2 years.
- She has left me 3 times in 2 years.
- She has been on the dating sites (all three major ones) wearing my necklace and posting a picture of her that her new guy took all while dating the new guy.
- She has attempted to continuously approach me and touched me after months of no communication.
- She moved into my neighborhood.
- She likely moved her new guy into my neighborhood.
- She moved out of my neighborhood and either broke up or moved in with new guy
Now if I gave you no context other than I what I meant to her… Someone that she had an affair with, told she loved, and dated after separation. What would you think?
She has the benefit of not carrying all of the above around with her. There is no red letter A on her shirt. So perception works in her favor. Because she can control perception a little bit and that includes her perception of herself. A narcissist knows they are a bad person. They know the shitty things they do. They know the high they get for making someone miserable. But they don’t necessarily know why.
To remedy their shame they gaslight to cover those things up. To alter perspective this includes lying to themselves. They have a strange ability to know deep down inside what they did but also believe they were entitled to do the crappy things they do.
And it is the narcissism that allows them to lie to themselves to alter this perception to create a different reality. They find the areas in between, they keep enough plausibility to create a reality that is comfortable for them. But to what end. And what is she doing for? And what is she ignoring to keep this perspective?
She does it to keep her facade, then to try and get back some control over me, so I can be a useful source of fuel in the future. I know now that I was the best and worst for her. My empathy, who I am, what I look like gave her a rush of fuel. But I was quicker than most men to hold her accountable. She said I was hard on her. I frustrate the fuck out of her yet she is drawn to me like a moth to a flame.
Why does she have a fresh perspective on us? Why does she even think there can be remotely a minimal friendly discourse?
I am going to provide the context that she is ignoring. Let’s start here. She left me 3 times for other men. The first time she asked for space because I disappointed her. (WTF?!) The second time was to go back to the man that hated me. Gross! But she convinced herself and me she did it for her children. The third time was for some guy who she moved in two doors down that she has likely been taking to since 2019 while telling me she loved me and wanted me.
She doesn’t view any of the above as problematic. She doesn’t have the empathy to see how hurtful dating and moving in with a guy two doors down can be. She thinks she is entitled to her happiness and I just should get over it and wish the best for her.
So to her nothing has really happened. She is probably surprised by my reaction when she touched me. And the fact that I ignore her every time we cross paths.
And right now I can feel her lying in wait. She has either broken up or moved in with the new guy. But not 2 doors down. She doesn’t park here anymore. And it is only about once a week I see her. Which is still quite frequently considering.
But she still tries to create opportunities for us to crossover. She is probably frustrated as hell that I haven’t talked to her. Ironically she probably thinks I am being “dramatic” about it all. The lack of empathy keeps her from seeing my side. She only sees… I was just trying to find happiness. It didn’t matter the amount of lives (I am 100% certain her kids and James were affected) she ruins to get it. Which ironically will forever keep you from finding it. If you see the very people you fucked over daily to try and find your new whatever you will never find happiness, narc or not.
This is where I need to be careful. I need to keep my empathy and will for justice or closure in check. Narcissists cannot be alone for long so unless she has lined something up I could be on the menu. From her perspective she is entitled to another try if she wants one.
Before anyone freaks out. I wrote this over a month ago with some edits to make it current. I wanted to bring it up because it’s necessary to show how and why someone would not just “move on”. Shame, what would normally keep someone away, is felt but rejected. Entitlement wins out at the end of the day.
Entitlement is something I have looked at through a new lens. There are many layers to it. I used to think it was just that you thought the world owed you something or for rich and privileged people.
But there are people who generally feel entitled to make you miserable for their own happiness. It isn’t a conscious thought it’s just purely instinct. The amount of abuse this heaps on their victims is staggering.
Combine this with their ability to gaslight and you have a fait accompli. A destined victim even if they escape. I still have to be engaurde for what might come my way, or her kids, or James for that matter. Anyone that has been sucked in and is considered a good source of fuel.