I have seen Hailey alot lately. To the point where I wanted to know what the actual fuck was going on. Didn’t I win? She broke up with that guy. He moved away. She would show here or there. But best I could tell she was living back with her husband.
Then suddenly I see her like 6 times in 4 days. Well it didn’t take long for her to be on the dating apps. But it was saying 1 mile away. I mean seriously? Then I went out with my childhood friend to the local pub. While waiting for a table to clear we were at the edge of the bar. We were there barely a few minutes and then the people right in front of us got up and it was her.
She was on a date and got up and stared at me. I stared right back with the intensity of the sun. And it lasted for 10 seconds. You know how long that is when you are just staring. I am not even sure what I was conveying but I wanted her to know I wasn’t bothered by her presence. But why did she stare at me? Isn’t this the person who wanted me to leave her alone?
The guy she was with was kind of a joke. Poor guy. I have a feeling it was a temporary thing. But she could have been staying with him all this time. If that is the case and he is downtown. I mean just really… she has to have a guy within a few blocks of me every time?
If she moved down here again to a different place just my god what a train wreck. That is her 6th move in 2 years. Dating so openly with different guys in the same town as her not yet divorced husband and kids is just… yikes. Either way I probably should get comfortable with seeing her everywhere… again
Incidentally when someone talks to you about a narcissist that won’t leave them alone… BELIEVE them.
I am strong but there are times I just want to give in. Like being interrogated for 12 hours. Just admit to committing the crime even when innocent, or in this case just reach out to her. Accept whatever thing she wants to do with me. (Don’t worry those are fleeting moments). But I say this because not everyone experiencing this is as resilient as me. And it highlights how dangerous this dynamic is.
It also scares me that she could ruin future relationships. I am tired of it. There will be a moment in a year or so where I will be able to make a choice to stay or go. I will see where I am at. It’s been a full year since she crushed me into tiny pieces. And sometimes I think she wants the rest.
I guess the good thing here is that I am so much stronger and better than she could possibly realize. I rebuilt that and for the most part I am doing pretty good. I have some fun things coming up and am enjoying most parts of my life. I have my workouts and good friends. And am getting back to more and more normal life. I look forward to the future. But it’s hard sometimes when your past is always present.
It’s been a few weeks since this post and the update is she did move in. Even closer than she lived before. About 2 blocks away. Not as close as the guy she was with last time. The patterns have resumed as has her walking in front of my building again. I see her one week she disappears for two. You could almost set your watch to it. Although surprisingly suddenly is no longer in the mood for the food in my building. After eating there about 12 times in 2 months.
Narcissists are funny. They are bullies of the worst kind. Because they use others as cover. I think she doesn’t have someone/something she is proud of. So she isn’t as emboldened. She can’t run back to a fuel source so when I see her and don’t reach out it stings even more. Oh well. Starting to settle in to her being two blocks away… again.
Broken 
Hey, don’t worry about it Matt. She is desperate for a carrot basically. She thinks you are looking too strong, too well and are over her. She can’t deal with that last one at all. How very dare you be over her! LOL
The simple fact is, until they have finished with us, they will keep returning, it’s a never ending cycle. Fortunately, as you said, you are resilient, Just continue to ignore her and it will drive her nuts. She is her own worst enemy, she can’t help herself, but that doesn’t mean she has to take you down with her. Well done for standing your ground with the stare down, that will have surprised and possibly shocked her. It wasn’t the reaction she would have been hoping for. These people never learn!
Good to see you on here again, although I do wish it was because she had finally jumped off the edge of your world permanently rather than her coming back on the periphery again! xx
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Thanks gemma. Darcy and I have sort of narrowed it down to no matter what action I take she gets alot of fuel from me. Event the stare down it probably wasn’t the result she was hoping for but it gives her that fuel that narcissists crave. I think bottom line is I am a premium source of fuel for her and because of that she will always sniff around me.
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You are right, this is classic narcissism working here,
They don’t live in our real world. They live in their own fantasy world, every time she sees you and there is any kind of acknowledgement she is writing a new narrative in her head for what happened. An inconsequential glance will turn into a longing love lorn look in her retelling of how you reacted to her. Darcy and you are both correct. She played you for the longest time, she has more ‘story’ to play out because of that. It allows her to be a victim. In reality, her friends are probably as fed up of hearing about you as you are of seeing her, they won’t say so though. There is no route out other than for you to physically up sticks and move out of the area, do not be surprised if she pops up wherever you move to though. They are surprisingly adept at tracking people down.
My suggestion would be don’t react to her at all. In that I mean, if you see her, literally don’t react at all, carry on doing what you were doing, behave as if she is a complete stranger. They hate the blandness of that more than anything, I did this with my ex husband not too long ago. I literally bumped into him on the street, ordinarily my reaction would have been startled, visceral, passive aggressive. This time I just acted as though I didn’t know him, I apologised for walking into him and continued on my way. He shouted after me and I literally just carried on walking as if he didn’t exist. I never acknowledged his previous presence in my life so therefore there is no presence in my present life. I have no idea what his reaction was, I just walked away and got on with my day. I was so damned proud of myself when I got home because inside, I was a complete mess and no mistake. It took hours for the adrenalin to calm down, but he never witnessed a single moment of that turmoil. I haven’t seen him around since, but to be honest I stopped looking round every corner for him and just started to enjoy going out and living my life without his spectre hanging over me. xxx
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I think that is just it. I do those things but man it is tough there is still that initial stomach/adrenaline thing I wish it wouldn’t happen. But I will keep doing me. I will be fine. But it is fascinating to see how far they will go.
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I’m so sorry about all this… such an emotional roller coaster. Ugh.
I wondered just the other day what had happened to you, if you gave up writing. And here you are. Nice to see you drop into the blog world.
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Hey you!! yes I am doing well. Just been extremely busy. I wanted to give everyone an update. I know this might feel like oh no not again. But I think it is important to the story and what happens when you engage with toxic people how truly maddening it can get.
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She’s like a cockroach….never goes away, can’t get rid of her. How frustrating. But you’re stronger now. And you know what’s up.
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Thanks Cara! It has been easier this time around but the initial shock does have an effect on me. I wish it didn’t have any.
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I hate that she still tries to sniff you out, it’s beyond ridiculous and I’m sure tiring for you to deal with. You are stronger than before and kudos to you for standing your ground. I had one at work that just wanted some kind of reaction, any kind good or bad. I schooled myself to walk by her as if she wasn’t even there. I got so good it was like she really didn’t exist. Best revenge ever! It drove her insane, she would flip out to other coworkers how I ignored her but in truth if she was standing near the wall I only saw the wall. The more she flipped out the worst it got for her with others seeing who she truly was and that I was right about her all along, she ended up quitting on moving on to another company. You keep doing you, eventually you too will walk past her as if she wasn’t even there. Sending hugs!
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Thanks Storm. That is my plan. I am trying. That night I didn’t see her so wasn’t prepared. She pops up sometimes when not expecting it. Hope she has to go crawling back home again soon.
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back under her rock and hopefully she stays there or moves out of state would be even better.
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