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Broken – Are you Fucking Kidding Me?

It was time and Hailey came over one night to talk. I was in a AirBnb. It was cute and she remarked about it. I made a quip and said did you think I would pick a dump. A little tension breaker. We talked about us to start.

Broken is a story that is best read Chronologically to start from the beginning – Prologue

It was time and Hailey came over one night to talk. I was in a AirBnb. It was cute and she remarked about it. I made a quip and said did you think I would pick a dump. A little tension breaker. We talked about us to start.

I honestly don’t remember the conversation too much. I don’t know if I was willfully ignorant or just beat to shit. I mean alot of it was just me trying to figure out where we were. Also me trying to tell her not to project on to me what she thinks my plan is. That she needed to ask. It wasn’t fair to make assumptions and plans without talking to me. I am not sure I was getting anywhere.

I also told her more about my situation and what was going on at home. I could tell she was holding back. At one point I was like fuck it. “What happened and what were you doing?”.

She then started to proceed to tell me about a guy she met and how she was flattered as he asked her out. Their little fucking meet cute. And that confused her. And how could she love me if she entertained a date from another guy. I was like how many times did you go out with him? She said about a half dozen. That was alot for what was basically 2.5 weeks. And then I hit her with two questions that crushed me.

Did you see anyone else in the last couple months. Her answer. Yes 3 or 4 different guys but only one she saw regularly. 10 times… 10 Fucking times. I asked her did you sleep with the most recent guy and the guy you met up with 10 times? She said well we didn’t eat salad.

I mean just fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck. I just laid on the couch in the AirBnb. I had no tears left to cry. I wasn’t even angry. I just told her you hurt me so bad. You took space to fuck some other guy. And then you went on all those dates with someone else. She said she really didn’t even like the other guy. I said what about the current one. She said I don’t know. I asked are you still going to see him? She said I don’t know. Dagger to the heart.

We didn’t even have sex that night. I am pretty sure they either had sex that day or the night before. I felt like a fucking fool. But I still loved her. I don’t know how maybe because this happened so fast.

She kneeled on the couch next to me. Trying to get me to rebound off the news. She ran her hand down my body and said “You are so skinny”. I didn’t say anything. But thought. “No fucking shit. I haven’t eaten in about 16 days because you suck and my life is falling apart.” Just like that I was dealing with something else. Not future, no reconciliation. It went from her being insecure about me dating, to her fucking some guy, to it being like I was dating her like we met last week. All in a matter of 2.5 fucking weeks. This wasn’t how this was supposed to go.

I walked her to the door and she said “I will see you soon. I love you.” I couldn’t say it back. “Goodnight” was all I could muster. I didn’t sleep that night either or eat pretty much for the next 16 days. How can this get worse…

Broken – I Have Nothing Left

Broken is a story that is best read Chronologically to start from the beginning – Prologue

In the immediate aftermath of just getting crushed twice in less than a month. And my what can only be described as the worst travel day known to man. I had to find my way out of the house. It was getting really uncomfortable I managed to seclude myself to downstairs but was just in a never ending loop of being an asshole. And it was getting loud. I needed to distance myself before it became an episode of Jerry Springer.

So I grabbed an overnight bag with three nights of clothes and booked a hotel nearby. I arrived at about 7PM after just a brutal day at home. I was sick as a dog. I crawled into bed but I knew I wasn’t going to sleep. I had not heard from Hailey in 2 days. And I am not sure what was going on there. I missed her. I was heartbroken. I was pissed. I wasn’t eating.

I had managed to secure the hotel for the next several days through a family discount. This wasn’t the original plan I was going to be home for much more than this. But it was so toxic at home that plan had to change. I was working as much as possible. I couldn’t talk to anyone either, I wasn’t ready to tell anyone about the separation yet and not one soul knew about Hailey. I just had to sit and swallow hard.

I literally had my laptop a bag of clothes and that was it in my life. This was maybe the darkest week of my life just after the two worst days. I can’t wallow too much it’s just not the way I am built. I ran to stability. It’s the only way I know how to cope. I immediately contacted a building I wanted an apartment in. I secured a move in date only 12 days away. I even managed to make a date as I was pretty sure Hailey was doing that. Although I had to make it super casual and really was just looking for company. She was super nice and we actually maintained a friendship for a little while but I just didn’t have the ability to strike up romance, intimacy, sex in that state. My heart was just too damaged.

I had 12 days to stretch between the hotel and the AirBnb and somewhere in that stretch I finally heard from Hailey… “Where are you?” She finally was curious enough to drive by my house a few times and not see my car there. I said “well I am out of my house pretty much for good.” So much for her work it out theory which I always felt was a load of shit anyways. She said “oh”. I know she meant “oh fuck!” We bantered back and forth and I said. “I can’t believe you did this over text.” “No phone call, no in person conversation.” “What are we doing here?”

After some nonsensical answers we made plans to get together. By the time I would see her it would be almost 2 weeks in between seeing her. This is going to be interesting…

Broken – WTAF?! Pt. 2

It had been just under 3 weeks, 18 days since the worst day of my entire life. But I was about to catch a break. I had to travel for work and thought “hey this might be an opportunity to spend some quality time and travel with Hailey”.

Broken is a story that is best read Chronologically to start from the beginning – Prologue

It had been just under 3 weeks, 18 days since the worst day of my entire life. But I was about to catch a break. I had to travel for work and thought “hey this might be an opportunity to spend some quality time and travel with Hailey”. I ran it by her and she was excited. So I had to check out the details of the agenda.

In a few days I realized, um nope, terrible idea to bring her. I actually had to stay in a AirBnB with other people from work. I could write an entire post about how much this pissed me off outside of the Hailey factor. I was a fucking middle aged man sharing common sleeping space and quarters with a bunch of millennials (not that I had anything against them). Just shoot me. I should have walked around in my boxer briefs in the morning with morning wood. Seriously!? I digress. For this and so many reasons, the agenda was tight, I was kind of not feeling great (pretty sure it was Covid, you know before we knew it was Covid). It just wasn’t lining up.

I told her it was a no go. You would have thought I shot her puppy. She even pushed on me. “Well let’s just rent a room”. I was like well why would I pay for a room to see you for like 2 hours a day. I said if I am going to pay we can go whenever we want and spend quality time. Always practical but also didn’t want to force it.

She was not very understanding. We communicated throughout the trip and I could tell this was bothering her. Finally she said she was struggling with something. I was like “ok” she danced around it a bunch. But at this point unbeknownst to her I was on my 4th delay to catch the train home. At this point I was in the train station for 5 hours. And the train was going to be another 6 hours to get home. I finally had enough and said out with it…

I’m feeling bad. I’m feeling unconvinced that you can’t work on your marriage… I’m unconvinced that you won’t want more time with the kids. Every time I feel like something is changing there’s a setback. And when a setback happens I feel disappointed and think “ok I’ll see about just meeting someone else so I’m not waiting around feeling disappointed ” but then I will hurt you if I do, So I’m confused.

Also I’m just feeling bad in general about what we did. Although I do not for a second regret knowing you as you are one of my favorite people. So I think as much as I want to be a support for you I think we should take time and space. My heart hurts and I know I’m hurting you too but I’m a mess. I don’t tell you when I’m hurt and disappointed because I don’t want to be a burden on you but that’s not good for me. As your friend and someone that loves you I think you guys should go to therapy so you can say you did the work.

What? I asked where is this coming from? And told her she is overreacting to transition. I said I don’t need space if I do I will let you know.

I need it.

Just so I am aware are you saying goodbye or taking space?

Space

Second worse day of my life not even a month apart. I was so devastated. But never cried. I was numb, sick, spent. Fuck you world!! I still had a 6 hour train ride ahead of me. Geez I wonder what will be on my mind…

Broken – WTAF!? Pt. 1

For the first week Hailey was super sweet to me. Every morning. “Good Morning Handsome.” Every night… “Tell me about your night.” She knew I was going through hell.

Broken is a story that is best read Chronologically to start from the beginning – Prologue

For the first week right after Hailey was super sweet to me. Every morning. “Good Morning Handsome.” Every night… “Tell me about your night.” She knew I was going through hell.

We met out a few times, I met a friend of hers. It was like you could see the light at the end of the tunnel. My first weekend away had come. I decided to go and get a hotel room. I needed to get out of the house desperately. So of course I invited Hailey. But only made plans with her for one night despite having the entire weekend booked. I was iffy about the second one. I wanted to go back and see the kids. I wanted to show them I would return every time I was away. But I was uncertain about what I would be walking into.

So that first night we would meet at the bar and she texted that she had a late lunch and order when I got there and don’t worry about her. I said ok. But did remember that night she was upset we didn’t have dinner. I never liked the different rules she had for me that she would never live up to herself. But this night I didn’t care.

She came to sit with me at the bar. And I was so happy. She sat next to me, this gorgeous woman who I was in love with. We were both euphoric. Even though she had her period and sex was unlikely. It was amazing. We laughed we had fun. We drank. I went upstairs called the kids to say goodnight and she patiently waited.

We jumped into bed like a couple it was amazing. I think I already said that, well too bad, it was. We popped open our computers and I showed her some apartments I was going to look at. Then I helped her fill out a form for her daughter for a field trip (surprisingly silly complicated). We could have ended the night there and I would have been happy. But of course I went and got a towel and we fucked anyways. Then she took a shower and so did I. We even slept well together that night. The next morning she said can I come back tonight? I said ok. Just let me get through today and I will call you on the way back to the hotel

We both went home. I had to go and see the kids the plan was to take them to breakfast. I walked in the door and had no idea what I was walking into. It was a shit storm. My youngest was up crying about me not being there. I was fucking devastated. But to top it off my wife was just bullshit at me. She even crossed a line in front of the kids. I never thought she would ever. 6 hours of more piece of shit talk and damage control. It was the second worse day in the aftermath. I went back to the hotel a beaten man. But before I stopped at my moms. I always stopped to tell her what was going on just in case shit really went sideways. She was my lifeline.

On the way back I called Hailey. She was pissed. I told her what happened. She didn’t care. “I have been waiting in my coat for hours.” I apologized. Seriously what the fuck was I apologizing for? My life was blowing apart I told her how unstable things were and to go about her day as I was unsure what would happen. It was only 6:30PM. I asked can you come now? She said no I am tired. It felt like punishment. She even gave me a jab about going to my moms instead of to her. We did talk on the phone for a bit and she came down off her annoyance and became supportive again. Why can’t we just have just a small stretch of time where there is no drama…?

Broken – The Aftermath

The aftermath was hell. Literal hell. Telling my kids was brutal. I told them it was my choice. If they would be angry it was going to be with me. Why, because I could take it, I am not sure my wife could. On top of what was already happening between us, upset kids was the least I could take off her plate.

Broken is a story that is best read Chronologically to start from the beginning – Prologue

The aftermath was hell. Literal hell. Telling my kids was brutal. I told them it was my choice. If they would be angry it was going to be with me. Why, because I could take it, I am not sure my wife could. On top of what was already happening between us, upset kids was the least I could take off her plate. Worse I had to make changes in my life immediately.

I had to start spending time away instead of having the risk of confusing everyone. I tried to start slow. First week I spent a couple nights just out but came home. That first night I was out, Hailey had her kids. I thought about the way she treated me on her first night. She made such a big deal about it. I just went to the movies no fanfare. I just wanted to breathe a sigh of relief. I didn’t mind, she had obligations and her kids come first. Plus I wasn’t in a celebratory state.

But I met Hailey down the street for a quick smooch in the car and missed the first 10 min of the movie. There was still a need for discretion but not as much. I wanted no ire or fury of anyone in our orbits directed at Hailey. She was almost in shock. She couldn’t believe it. I was basically hers. But not so fast. We had to reconcile the last couple months and all the bullshit she put me through. I think she was hoping the slate would be wiped clean.

I even said “my wife is afraid I would be scooped up in 5 minutes.” Hailey said yes I am going to scoop you up in 5 minutes. Which was flattering and showed where her head was at. I told her we need to talk about the last couple months. But I can’t right now. Right now my heart can only take what was happening at home. I had to decouple first I told her I appreciate her excitement but we still had a ways to go.

Hailey seemed to understand. I could feel her underlying excitement. I was less excited because I knew what I was going through at home. Imagine breaking up over and over again. Hearing about what a piece of shit you were. Well I had to take it. I had to let her express her anger. I would defend myself a little but mostly I was just taking shots for hours and hours (seriously 3 to 4 hours per day).

While Hailey was mostly supportive it didn’t take her long to inject some drama. The fact that I didn’t run right into her arms may have surprised her, even upset her. If she was true to me during the time I was at home and she was out I would have leaped into them without looking. But something told me to pause. I wanted to be with her but one thing at a time. First decoupling, then what happened this fall, then we could talk about our future.

She didn’t like it. She questioned me “you are going to want to be single aren’t you?” I intentionally didn’t answer. Being the super empath that is also a justice warrior, accountability and truth needed to happen before I could blindly jump into this. I was not going to be made a fool of. She had questions to answer and I am not the type to let it go. Besides my kids were older than hers except for her oldest. I was going to have a lot more free time on my hands and I thought it wasn’t terrible her to feel a little of what she put me through. Even if just for a moment. I know that may sound awful but honestly she should have thought of that whilst making Tinder comments and probably going out on dates. What goes around comes around. And at that moment I was no longer in preservation mode.

Simultaneously all the fighting at home accelerated things and I needed to start spending nights away. My wife and I just needed the breather. Should I invite Hailey on one of those…?

Broken – It’s Time

It was building I could feel it. It was building for a year and that night I went to bed and I had a panic attack which felt like a heart attack as my wife sought reassurance again. The entire night it never went away I actually contemplated going to the ER.

Broken is a story that is best read Chronologically to start from the beginning – Prologue

It was building I could feel it. It was building for a year and that night I went to bed and I had a panic attack which felt like a heart attack as my wife sought reassurance again. The entire night it never went away I actually contemplated going to the ER. But I knew what it was… I woke up that morning and just couldn’t look her in the eyes anymore.

I felt it coming and told Hailey about a week prior that I may be off the grid for a bit as I was about to have the most difficult conversation in my life. She gave me space and was supportive. Saying she was there when I needed her. It was nice to know that she would be there after this. But for now I needed less of her in my head. I needed to focus on this conversation and the fall out from it. It was going to be my priority for a little while.

I was working from home that day and my wife had off. As we sat down that morning. I knew it was time and I told her with all the strength I could muster… “I am unhappy beyond the normal. And I have been for a while. A change is going to happen immediately and we should separate, break up. I will be taking some space and we should start talking about a transition and what this means.” My heart nearly burst out of my chest as I said this. I had to choke back the tears so i could be coherent.

I saw the drop in her face and so many emotions. Sadness, fear, anger, and disappointment. I can’t believe I was doing this to her. I even have tears in my eyes as I write this. But I also knew things were never going to change. So I had to push through. I was compassionate and empathetic and told her how much I cared about her and wanted to be present and support her. But it was time to move on.

We talked, yelled and cried non-stop for 4 hours. She recognized the flaws in our marriage, she acknowledged how bad it was. But she thought I would always want to work on it. My response was awful but true. We have been at this almost 20 years that window was gone. I am not there anymore. My heart has broken and the scars are already there.

And this is where I felt guilty the most. I mourned the marriage while in it and she was so far behind me. I put on that brave face for years to keep the sadness away for everyone. My peacekeeper kept her from knowing how truly far gone I was. And that I was so far beyond a point of no return. I always knew though I did it for a reason I did it to buy time for her, for the kids, for me, for all of us. So we could be a happy family just a little while longer.

It was the worst day of my life, and there isn’t another one that’s even close. I know I was making the right decision. Regardless of Hailey. I always told myself and reconciled that I will make this decision for me. And while I had Hailey in mind I had to make it about the possibility of finding myself and love again. I had to say goodbye and hello at the same time. And I knew this was it there was no turning back.

I am not sure my wife will ever forgive me, I honestly don’t blame her if she ever does. I did love her and gave her my whole self longer than I have ever given anyone. For a time we were a pretty awesome team and I will always look fondly back at the good and try to let the bad subside. It’s hard, really hard. While the scars of my marriage have healed, the heartbreak of hurting someone I care about and loved are still very raw…

Broken – Her Birthday

Hailey’s birthday is in the fall and for reasons beyond my understanding she had made a big deal about it. Not that I am against making it a big deal. But considering where we were in life it seemed arbitrary on the actual date vs. making sure we had an opportunity in the not to distant future to celebrate it.

Broken is a story that is best read Chronologically to start from the beginning – Prologue

Hailey’s birthday is in the fall and for reasons beyond my understanding she had made a big deal about it. Not that I am against making it a big deal. But considering where we were in life it seemed arbitrary on the actual date vs. making sure we had an opportunity in the not to distant future to celebrate it. I guess that is my grounded nature coming through.

We had spent most of the fall already back and forth between threats of her independence and our love. She asked me to see if I could get out for her Birthday. I knew this wasn’t possible and told her as much, besides I could feel my departure bubbling. I never clued her in on how close I was at this point just in case I wasn’t quite ready. So I never said anything about a date because she would be disappointed if that date came and went.

We were getting close to the peak of her frustration. I did go over and visit her the day before and brought her a gift for her new place and a home made lunch. She was really thankful and cried. James would take her away and buy her expensive jewelry but he never thought about her in the personal way I had. But I wondered no matter what was done was it going to be a disappointment?

I kissed her goodbye and knew it wasn’t going to be the last I heard about her Birthday. She always has this sadness around it. Then the next day I finally get the text I felt was coming. “You know I am mad at you.” Of course I asked why if I didn’t know the answer. “I asked you out”. I knew it would be even silly to try, if I was this close to leaving doing something like this would have only made it painfully obvious what I was up to.

So later she said “I am out alone.” “Swiping right on some guy 2 miles away.” “No picture… is it you?”. I think she had to say this in case it was me. But I said no and nothing else. She pressed me the next day. I said I don’t know what you want me to say. It stings. I said sorry. Here I am apologizing for her being on Tinder. Jesus!

Every time she did this it crushed me a little. I knew in my heart she had been out on dates. But why treat me this way. She already felt entitled to do what she wants. But why make me feel awful? I mean I was either going to be free or not. And clearly she wasn’t really waiting. She would tell me if she went out on a date she felt like she was cheating on me. I told her maybe you should explore that and it’s your feeling not mine. Don’t ask me for my support on this. She even in the course of that fall. Asked me rhetorically “you never want to share me do you?” Ugh. Of course I don’t! I love you!

But even the next evening. “I love you Matt.” “Goodnight.” Then next morning “Good Morning Matt.” She really loved to use my name. To her she liked the directness. She hated when someone said “love ya” or an abbreviated version.

But what is the point of all of this… oh yea- Here she was questioning my love for her but shouldn’t I have been questioning hers?

Broken – Here We Go Again

Hailey was settling in and we were doing pretty well. We had managed to figure out how we could see each other I would go over in the mornings. We would have coffee and fuck. It worked for her she was busy with the kids and her work. Only the nights got rough, those weekend nights where she didn’t have the kids.

Broken is a story that is best read Chronologically to start from the beginning – Prologue

Hailey was settling in and we were doing pretty well. We had managed to figure out how we could see each other I would go over in the mornings. We would have coffee and fuck. It worked for her she was busy with the kids and her work. Only the nights got rough, those weekend nights where she didn’t have the kids. I just bit my tongue and gave her space. It was all I could do.

When I would go over we would still be on the lookout for James. She was jumpy and so was I to some extent. She didn’t like confrontation. He could still bring my world to a crashing halt just out of spite. But I was much more ready to be with her.

She started sensing my time might be near and the frustrations with her own patience and my situation. I started getting strange texts from her throughout September. So much up and down.

Daily I love you texts. About 3 or 4 “Actually I am in love.” texts. Then I would start seeing other things even in the same day as the good ones. Like on nights she was alone. “Want to come over?” Almost weekly. Fair enough a little tease still a reminder. But then “Your situation frustrates me.” A few times a week, just ugh. And the dagger to the heart with her responses to my how are you doing texts? “Oh good, swiping right.” At least a half a dozen times. Then this one – “I wish it were that weekend. I am afraid it was just a sweet memory that may never happen again.” Fuck already!!

All this put me in preservation mode with our relationship. I had to suppress any frustration, anger or hurt. I responded as best as I could trying not to make her angry or more frustrated. To the nights of going over “Soon.” I asked her, “how do you want me to respond?”, to the tinder jokes or references. To that final one I told her- “there are many more memories to come. That is my plan.”

I wasn’t necessarily a doormat. I would push back here and there but I wasn’t far from it. I just let her vent it. Without repercussions. I didn’t like this but I attributed it all to her patience at the time. Not really focusing on the totality of it. It was like being on a merry go round for a month and I was dizzy.

I felt I was so close at that moment I just needed to power through. I have a resilience about me an ability to grind that most people don’t have. I am very rarely rattled or visibly stressed and can shoulder quite a bit. I am a Capricorn a true earth sign, INFJ, and an empath. Needling won’t move me I already wanted this but make no mistake even though as it may not be noticeable. It hurts, I notice, and it affects me on some level.

On the other side at this point I was still in a delay mode. I couldn’t let the pressure get to me I had to focus on my plan to make things as easy as I could. I was still in a sensitive spot at home with that big life event that happened just a few months earlier. Things had to be squared away.

I could make other posts about this month but in all honesty this is what it was like. Back and forth every other day or almost in the same day. I am pretty sure it increased my gray hair by 50%. And I had endured over a year of an underlying anxiety that this could blow up on its own. James spilling the beans, Hailey just ending it suddenly… Would that resiliency get me across that line that crossed over from one world to another…?

Broken – Her First Night

It was the end of summer and Hailey had just moved into her new place. It was her first night there. She decided she wanted to be alone. So she arranged for the kids to be at James’s. We were talking through out the day but she was busy.

Broken is a story that is best read Chronologically to start from the beginning – Prologue

It was the end of summer and Hailey had just moved into her new place. It was her first night there. She decided she wanted to be alone. So she arranged for the kids to be at James’s. We were talking through out the day but she was busy.

She was all over town and back and forth. And I was trying to give her emotional support. For people moving out on their own for the first time after long marriages it is typically the first night alone in a very long time. Plus the significance of it just being you. I understood how emotional this could be for her.

I settled in that night but felt a little uneasy. I wanted to be there for her in every way possible. It was a big moment and I felt so antsy because I wanted to help.

She had finally moved her last piece for the day and set up her bed. She said I am climbing into bed. And I knew what was coming next… “I wish you were here.” So I asked how long are you going to be up? She said about another 20 minutes. I told her “ok I am coming right by.”

I couldn’t believe how bold I was about to be. I just said to my wife I am running to the store I need breakfast. I think I really did. But I needed to run to the store. I hauled ass to the store and got what I needed right away. Then off to Hailey’s. I went up to the front door that she left open for me.

I walked in and she came out of her room in her bathrobe to greet me. She gave me a quick tour and I said let me tuck you in. I laid her on her bed opened her robe and must have had the quickest sex of my life. She needed it, I needed it. And I was so happy I could put her to bed properly. I tucked her in kissed her goodnight. And we said I love you to each other. She later texted “thank you for coming tonight it meant a lot.” She could be so sweet sometimes.

I thought this was what was waiting for me some day and I knew I was going to have to walk over a long stretch of coals to get there. But… dammit… someday… soon?

Broken – The Perfect Night

My family was out of town for the weekend and Hailey and I decided to get together this was the weekend she referred to in the now infamous email. This time I really wanted to show her a good time. We had that sort of regular hangout night that first overnight.

Broken is a story that is best read Chronologically to start from the beginning – Prologue

My family was out of town for the weekend and Hailey and I decided to get together this was the weekend she referred to in the now infamous email. This time I really wanted to show her a good time. We had that sort of regular hangout night that first overnight. This was a chance to celebrate her being out of her marriage and our love.

While there was still that looming issue of her accepting other “invitations” at this point I in our journey I felt like I recaptured Hailey’s heart. I could tell her focus and hope was on me again. And I wanted to show her it was worthwhile to her.

I made reservations and booked a room at a Casino nearby. It was actually nice to drive in the car with her to a place that we would spend time with. Not ducking James. Although we still were but more on that in future posts… We were just cruising there listening to music and talking. It felt real. We arrived at the Casino and promptly checked in. I asked what would you like to do?… Fuck, Gamble, or Drink first. I think we all know which one was coming.

I laid her at the edge of the bed and leaned on top of her. We kissed and I undressed her, then myself. It wasn’t a crazy experience but a good one. I grabbed her legs and hoisted her close to the edge so I could penetrate her while standing with her laying down. This is one of my favorite things ever because the visual is amazing. I would just try slightly different angles and speeds. And yes ladies when you are getting fucked like this watching your tits jiggle is heaven. As always we had plenty of eye contact. We were excited but kind of living in more than just sex- it was a moment. We were almost a couple. When it was time I pulled out and came on her. I was so excited I covered her neck to navel. I also didn’t want her to have to carry me around all night. I went to the bathroom and grabbed a hand towel and wet it (warm water gentleman). Came back and cleaned her up.

We got up and got ready. She wore a stunning black dress and I got dressed up for her as well. We both clean up really nice. We had reservations at one of the places in the casino. We sat down ordered drinks and Hailey of course made chit chat with the waitress in the charming way she can. We both got something the other one wanted to try so we could taste a few different things. We were a team. We had funny dialogue with each other and the waitress. I told her how beautiful she was and she said how handsome I looked.

When dinner was done we walked into the Casino. She had only played once before so I taught her how to play a little video poker and what slots to pick and how they payout. We held hands as we walked. I would let her sit at the machine and stand by her. At one point in the night. I looked at her brought her chin up and she smiled and we may have shared the sexiest kiss in the world just then. I am sure onlookers were like… what the fuck. It was that good. But it was also sweet.

I then gave her some money to play with and she was on the proud side and didn’t want it. I told her she can give me some on the next one. I told her this night was for her. I didn’t mention it but where she was a single mom just moving into a new place I knew money would be tight. I wanted to treat her but tried to do so without damaging her dignity. And I never cared about money in that way anyways.

She was playing and starting to win and I was cheering her on. Then on one spin. It came up big… $500. She looked at me in the most amazing way. She was glowing but understated, almost as if I was making this happen and it was to good to be true. I lived for that look. I could tell what this night and that moment meant to her.

We went back to the room and made love for hours. It was the perfect night I never wanted it to end. She even said it was the best date of her life. I wanted soooo many more just like that night.

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