I feel like this is one of the most underrated aspects of life sometimes. It is discounted in personal life, work life, and maybe even relationship life. Thought energy can be both good and bad.
Probably referred commonly as mindfulness lately, but I feel like that discounts the energy spent. The toll it can take. The unaccounted for time and energy that may get overlooked. If you have project, client, patient, etc. at work that requires thought energy but a full calendar, how can you be at your best? And then you take it home with you to the expense of personal things. In alot of cases you might be working 70 hours a week and not realize it.
The same can be true the other way. Work isn’t getting what you want to give because something else has taken up your thoughts. This is certainly true for work with me recently. So I tried to gravitate towards work that I could focus on in short windows then deliver and be done with it. Or else I would have never got through the last 18 months.
My writing has also slowed because my thought energy is in other places. It isn’t in breaking free from the past as much as it is looking forward to the future or just being present.
Was all that thought energy spent breaking free wasted time or effort? Not sure. I don’t think so. Breaking free from the past is what allowed me to be present. Where do we allow in our lives for a transient state? Or was that really just my present at the time and ignoring it would have been a detriment.
I had to resolve things even if it took longer than I wanted it to. Otherwise you are just burying feelings that will surface eventually. I invested heavily in getting past Hailey and it required me to fully understand what happened to me. What was going on. Telling my story was cathartic but also painful. It took up alot of my thought time.
I punched myself out at times. But I feel like I am coming out of this in an extremely healthy way. I didn’t force relationships or look at external validation. I was trying to resolve the problem inwardly. Something I feel like grieving people tend not to do. And that isn’t a criticism…
There is a tremendous amount of pain associated with that. Remember when a person is involved with a narcissist or a toxic person they don’t allow a healthy transition for the other person. So it is done almost entirely on the victim’s own. They not only need to recover from the normal feelings. But add on the confusion of no closure and then the discovery of the emotional abuse.
I had to heal from a broken heart, confusion, and emotional abuse during this time. If I had not it would still be impacting me. Being mindful of it and spending that thought energy was good. We so often say “don’t give that person the time of day, they don’t deserve it.” it’s only partially true. They don’t deserve the time but you do. You deserve to talk it out, heal, figure things out.
You will always carry that pain with you. But you can make a choice is it going to be a scar or a open wound. Give people a break when they ruminate or want to talk about it even though it feels endless. It means they are trying to process and possibly put it behind them.
Jennifer fell back into the trap and would stop talking about Gregg. She would stop being mindful of their situation and choose to go with the flow. And there she is back in her toxic relationship because she went back to ignoring the very things that made it toxic to begin with. She never came out of the other side of that horrifically dark tunnel and my heart aches for her. She is one more year down the road and exactly where she was when she started. That could be me.
There is alot of advice out there about dealing with toxic people, narcissist and even heartbreak. But the truth is not everyone’s recovery is paint by numbers even if they have to go through similar stages. But I feel like I did what I needed to do. And thankfully I had a friend like Darcey to help listen. I probably owe her like 75k in therapy but shhhh… 🙂