Broken – Bliss and Chaos pt. 2

It wasn’t long before I settled back into my blissful state. Completely unaware of the ugly world around me. I wanted to believe she could keep her husband under control. I didn’t even question too much of what happens next. She anticipated months of talks and probably breaking up.

Broken is a story that is best read Chronologically to start from the beginning – Prologue

It wasn’t long before I settled back into my blissful state. Completely unaware of the ugly world around me. I wanted to believe she could keep her husband under control. I didn’t even question too much of what happens next. She anticipated months of talks and probably breaking up.

Her world was different than mine. If I said that in my house it would be over, quickly. So I tried not to worry too much and we carried on. I was about to go away for a couple weeks on vacation and we wanted to get together one last time. I had to go pick something up at my office. And I asked her to come with me. We could have lunch and I would bring her back.

We both remarked how amazing lunch was we were so in love. We turned a BLT on a patio into a thing movies are made of. We ogled each other we felt each other. It was so amazing. We didn’t even need sex at this point to deepen our bond a freaking sandwich did it.

I had started to lose my sense of reality as it was time to bring her back. I drove her to one of our meeting spots and as I pulled up I noticed a guy waiting on steps and I remarked it looked like her husband. But was like naaaah. We kissed she got out of the car and jumped back in. “Oh shit! It’s James” He hadn’t seen me I was obscured. I said what do you want to do. He is coming this way. She jumped out. I asked “do you want me to go?” she said “Yes!”. I beelined it out of the parking lot. He had seen my car and I remembered… 2.7 miles.

Broken – Bliss and Chaos pt. 1

When you are first in love there is a blissful period. You want to know everything about this person and they you. The universe couldn’t look better. Things are more colorful, smell better, things are funnier, and you are just generally more happy. We were no exception.

Broken is a story that is best read Chronologically to start from the beginning – Prologue

When you are first in love there is a blissful period. You want to know everything about this person and they you. The universe couldn’t look better. Things are more colorful, smell better, things are funnier, and you are just generally more happy. We were no exception.

Everything about us felt right. I always maintain there are three main levels of chemistry I look for… Intellectual, Emotional, and Physical/Sexual. There is another chemistry level only meant for people that are connected. It is physiological. You can’t explain why. How they feel in your arms, how your lips come together, how you, yes I am talking about this, fit inside. We used to notice and remark about how we made a unique smell together. Pheromones, products, natural smell and it was like sniffing a intoxicating scent of sex and love all day.

Every moment from there for a while we spent together was blissful. Cloud nine like. The world disappeared around her. Every morning I would wake up to a message “Good Morning Handsome” and every night would be “Goodnight I love you”. I mean the only thing better would be telling each other in person.

The funny thing about bliss is it can mask the not so rosy reality around you. So while the world appears better and more colorful it is just our focus on the good. And sometimes the bad can hit you out of nowhere.

Hailey always had a proclivity to chaos. My early most memorable experience with it was when she visited me at my office for sex. On her way out she grabbed her things and ended up grabbing my keys with her. I hadn’t noticed. I ordered take out to pick up on my way home and went to the bathroom before i was about to leave. I mistakenly locked the office door and was locked out. “Fuck!” I couldn’t even call her I had to message and hope she would see it. She did and came back and I was 45 minutes late getting home. It was early on and I didn’t even know if she would come back. She has kids and things to do. Anyways seems innocent but this would be an indication of what could happen in her life. It seems innocent but can be induced without thinking about how things are affected by your actions.

Then one morning in the middle of our blissful state, one I thought could go on for a long time. She did the unthinkable. She wrote me that morning and said “I told James (Husband) that I was having an affair and I am in love.” I was stunned was she serious, holy shit she is serious? I asked why would you do that? You are exposing all of us. This was the first time I was every truly upset by her. Her only explanation was she thought he had the right to know so he could sort of move on. This impact would be lasting in so many ways. She told me not to worry that they have a different kind of relationship and it was more of a friendship.

This probably should have been it. But I loved her and wanted to believe her. So I did…

Broken – “I Love You”

We were about 3 months into our relationship and after a series of sexcapades everywhere and anywhere we decided we wanted some romance and spend a day with each other. I got a room and checked in. She was there shortly after me.

That day we decided to make love it was the really first time we altered our routine of any typical fun we had. We undressed got under the covers and kissed forever. The way we kissed was electric and it was but there was something special about that day. We both felt it.

I kissed her body all over but didn’t go down on her I just wanted to feel her skin on my lips. I never even touched her which I loved to do. I just climbed on top and said “I just want to be inside you”. We barely had to move it felt so good. I went slow and deep the entire time. Kissing her, eyes open staring into her soul and she did the same thing.

My heart was so full. I would grab her ass so I could pull her while I pushed just to be deeper. I love this part. It was connecting with each other in a spiritual and physical way. She was in heaven I could tell by her moans and the way she looked at me. When I was with her I always gave her my heart even when it was on the more dirty side.

While just inside of her not moving and looking at her and her looking back at me she said “I love you”. Months ago I would have thought this would have floored me made me retreat and call and end to the whole thing. Without hesitation though… “I love you too.” That’s it we were in love and it was a near perfect movie-like moment – but ugh, now what…?

Broken – Sweet Side and Red Flags

While the foundation of our affair was based on sex and intimacy it started to balance itself with a very sweet side. That is my default mindset is to be nice and kind always steering it to stability and peace.

Broken is a story that is best read Chronologically to start from the beginning – Prologue

While the foundation of our affair was based on sex and intimacy it started to balance itself with a very sweet side. That is my default mindset is to be nice and kind always steering it to stability and peace. Hailey loved this about me. A few times she called me the most adult person she had ever met. I found this fascinating because she was such a social butterfly and knew so many people.

I admired that about her, she had an ability to invite people in and was very open. I am more naturally introverted and an empath. So my natural state is to feel people out before I trust or let them in. We both found the differences in us attractive. It balanced us. I would ground her and she would push me. It was Yin and Yang.

We would talk so much about our lives and childhoods we shared our traumas and fears, hopes and dreams. Really everything and anything. Nothing was off limits. It was refreshing but also could cause a few issues. She had a side I could never, and even to this day, figure out. It would manifest itself in cold periods and harsh statements. I never knew where this came from.

Early on in our relationship, one night, she wanted me to pick her up from a friends house because she was drunk and wanted sex. It was 10PM on a Thursday or Friday. I never had left the house at that hour of the night for no reason. Of course I wanted to, I think she did as well. But her reaction to “I would love to, but can’t.” was strange to me. She didn’t care in that moment what kind of ask that was. She wanted what she wanted, when she wanted it. Along with being overtly upset she gave me a little shit about my dynamic at home. About how little freedom I had and I had no balls.

She wasn’t way off base but my dynamic at home was always impasse. If my wife didn’t like it I couldn’t do it without it affecting us for months. It was very black or white with her. I am a peace keeper so it was natural for me not to push her boundaries. Going out at 10PM suddenly, I may as well be telling her “I am going to pick up my girlfriend”. I wasn’t going to get away without a reasonable explanation and there wasn’t one. After our exchange she was like goodnight abruptly and I didn’t hear from her the rest of the night.

I was actually hurt and sad, I thought I had lost her. Her life was different from mine and she had this freedom, or so she thought, and I did not. And she judged me for it. I didn’t realize at the time what the root cause of this was and it would take me the better of 2 years to figure out. Because the next day she apologized and said. “I am sorry you are a nice guy and I should be asking or expecting you to come out in the middle of the night to do that.” I accepted and said “no worries. I am sorry I couldn’t make it happen for you.” This was a red flag that I missed. I apologized for something I had no business accepting accountability for. It was a pattern we would repeat many times…

Broken – The Close Call

Broken is a story that is best read Chronologically to start from the beginning – Prologue

We were starting to get so deep in each other. I don’t know how but we spent a significant amount of time together. I would say on average we saw each other twice a week at least. Sometimes even for a quick smooch and hug. This was really the sweet part. We would talk about our lives, kids, wishes… none of it felt wrong. I know it wasn’t ideal but we found each other when we needed it the most.

This always led to us wanting it more. The closer we got the more time we wanted to spend together so we would both look for opportunities to do it. Then one day… I was going to be alone on a Saturday afternoon. A rarity for me. As usually all my weekend time was devoted to family. And I am not complaining I loved my family dynamic. I asked “Where can we meet?”. We kind of hemmed and hawed and I jokingly said you can come to my house. As I knew my family was at an event.

She said “Sure!”. In my head there was mostly uh-oh… “Really?” she was like why not? Now I didn’t think it was a great idea but the excitement of seeing her overrode any rational thought. I said ok meet me at the office park parking lot and I will pick you up.

She was there she looked good she had come from work and I was more averagely dressed. I drove to my house and we went through the garage then to the basement. I figured and justified it as mostly my space anyways. Clothes came off quickly I laid her down on the couch and played with her while on me knees and kissing her. I quickly climbed on top, no time to waste. I started to fuck her pretty hard as I thought a quickie was best. It didn’t quite happen that way. She was moaning and I was basically going to pound town. I wasn’t quite there and she climbed on top of me and she started to ride me when suddenly…

My phone rang… uh-oh!! Only one person gets past my silenced phone. I had to pick up. My voice went up about 2 octaves. “Hello” the panic had to be in my voice as Hailey immediately started to get dressed. The event had been cancelled due to some malfunctioning equipment and she was on her way home. Probably about 10 minutes away. I hung up. “SHIT!” I never had to say anything. I was afraid Haley was going to be held hostage in my basement until I could smuggle her out.

I managed to pull my jeans up and throw on a shirt. not underwear. I don’t even think i zipped or buttoned. I found my shoes. No socks. The place smelled like her and sex. No time for that. Getting her out is the priority. I told her to wait at the garage door I am right behind you. I went first to the car and waved her in. I said get in the back seat and duck. She did. I started to pull away thinking please don’t pull in right now.

I backed out of the drive way as quickly but smoothly as I could. I drove down the street. One more obstacle to dodge I may pass them on the way bringing her back. Luckily nothing. I dropped her off quick kiss. Still had to get home before they did. I never thought I was going to make it. But squeaked in 2 minutes before they did I even managed to put socks on and button and zip my pants. Still no underwear but I managed to go downstairs febreeze and make sure there was not aftermath.

That was close! It was funny we laughed about it so much later even on the drive to her car. It kind of said something to me. Neither one of us would ever want to be caught that way, that idea horrified us. But we weren’t necessarily disliking the idea of being free to be together. A notion that started to gain some steam without us ever really talking about it…

Broken – Routine and First Real World Encounter

Broken is a story that is best read Chronologically to start from the beginning – Prologue

We would alternate between a few hotel visits and my office. We would see each other a few times a week. We would talk extensively throughout the day. She would always say “tell me something…” and that was her cue to have me write another story about her. I made a video for her. It was me cumming. Fortunately i was gifted with the ability to shoot and I had a pretty full ejaculate. For a woman who was sexual they would like it.

She would continue to send me sexy pictures. I was over the moon. It was getting sexier and sexier. But we were also having a dialogue we started to peel back layers. It was easy to talk to each other. We operated on a similar frequency. And even our non verbal communication connected. We had a similar sense of humor and had the ability to laugh at ourselves.

As we were talking we both realized something. It’s school orientation… “Shit!” I thought. We will have to be in the same area together. This stressed me out and maybe excited me a little bit. But much more stressful. I arrived early with wife and kids. I was honestly hoping we would arrive at very different times. After all she wasn’t always on time…. Yep “Nope!” She was one of 10 people standing in the lobby. We locked eyes half smiles. She looked great as usual. I wanted to grab her and kiss her right there but for obvious reason would never.

She came with just her oldest and friends. Most of the kids sat in the back together and the adults sat closer. I knew she was just a couple rows behind me. I was nearly sweating as I am was thinking i hope I am attractive from this angle. The orientation was over we half smiled one more time.

I got home she messaged me… “You looked so cute and good I couldn’t stand it”. I was riding so high. I haven’t felt that way in over a decade. She was beautiful and fun and knew how to make me feel. We survived the first in-person run in. And it was a little fun. What would come next was all I could think about…

Broken – First Hotel Date

So I drove to the hotel. It was midweek and I had to check in at 11AM. This was always the worst feeling. I am naturally a risk adverse person and there is so much risk. You give them your name and a form of payment. There is a record of you being where you are not supposed to be.

Broken is a story that is best read Chronologically to start from the beginning – Prologue

So I drove to the hotel. It was midweek and I had to check in at 11AM. This was always the worst feeling. I am naturally a risk adverse person and there is so much risk. You give them your name and a form of payment. There is a record of you being where you are not supposed to be. Not too mention there is always a strange look from the front desk about checking in mid day when you live near by. You would think they would just be trained to ignore it but maybe I was thinking they were looking closer than they were. Anyways… swallow hard and get past it.

I was there earlier than her. I brought some alcohol. I needed to calm my nerves and it always gets me more in a mood sexy, risky, more aggressive. Being an INFJ empath there is a natural state of trying to feel the vibe and analyze the surroundings. But i needed to be bolder and less in my head. Booze helps. I downed two drinks of vodka with a mixers. Always my go to. I would plan to have one when she go there.

I nervously awaited her arrival. Excited and ready as well. She arrived and brought some wine with her we both had a drink before I pulled her in and kissed her. It was magic when we kissed. I brought her over to the bed put her up there on her knees and grabbed both her arms and with one hand pinned both her wrists behind her while continuing to kiss her. I even teased her a little and this drove her a bit crazy. She looked so sexy. She was in jeans and a shirt. We got her out of those quickly. I wanted to have lots of foreplay and had her naked before I removed one item of my own clothing.

I undressed her and she was naked still had tan lines from her trip and my god she looked sooo good. She had hips to die for, her boobs were amazing, fake but not terribly so. Her nipples were perfect. I kissed her and started to touch her. I rubbed her clit until she was wet and then slid my finger in her. There was something about her that brought out my inner primal side. I grabbed her there as if I owned it. And she loved it. I played with her, went down on her but she wanted me. I started to relinquish back some control.

She unzipped my pants and took me in her mouth. It felt soooo good. She gives a sexy bj. I continued to play and touch her while she was sucking my cock. The more I stimulated her she moaned with her mouth full of me. I love that! And then she said what every guy wants to hear. “Fuck me please”.

I climbed on top and pushed inside her and started to fuck her slowly. I think she wanted it rough. But I was afraid I would cum in like 10 seconds. I started to get nervous again after that last finish. I should have just taken control again and told her I wanted it this way but didn’t. I have had so little sex in the last several years that I didn’t have any feeling for my stamina. I started to go faster and anytime i felt it getting close I would slow down. Except one time I felt it getting away from me. I pulled out of her and couldn’t tell if I stopped it or I came. “Oy vey” was all I could think in my head. What just happened? I don’t even know. For christ sakes Matt get your shit together.

Whether it was an orgasm or a faux one I still don’t know to this day but I went limp. And all I could think of “Are you fucking kidding me, I get a hard on in a decent wind. You have a hot girl here what the holy hell is going on.” I couldn’t explain it. All i would tell her is that i get overheated, which is true, but I am not sure that was the case.

I went right back to playing with her for a bit. She never made me feel less than because of it but i knew she wasn’t happy. But I got playful. I took her by the hand and brought her in front of a mirror. I kissed her neck and ran my hands over her body and told her how sexy she looked. And she liked seeing my hands run over her tanned body. Then I felt it again, “Thank god” This time I went big I kind of half picked her up and shoved her on the bed with force. She gasped and I fucked her while standing at the end of the bed while she laid on it. Finally a good fuck and I came.

This was a great day probably one of my fondest memories of her. It is when our connection went deeper. I literally had meaningful conversation with her with my fingers inside her grabbing her pussy. It was silly, fun, sexy, and deep all at the same time. Could it ever be this good again…

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