Broken is a story that is best read Chronologically to start from the beginning – Prologue
While the foundation of our affair was based on sex and intimacy it started to balance itself with a very sweet side. That is my default mindset is to be nice and kind always steering it to stability and peace. Hailey loved this about me. A few times she called me the most adult person she had ever met. I found this fascinating because she was such a social butterfly and knew so many people.
I admired that about her, she had an ability to invite people in and was very open. I am more naturally introverted and an empath. So my natural state is to feel people out before I trust or let them in. We both found the differences in us attractive. It balanced us. I would ground her and she would push me. It was Yin and Yang.
We would talk so much about our lives and childhoods we shared our traumas and fears, hopes and dreams. Really everything and anything. Nothing was off limits. It was refreshing but also could cause a few issues. She had a side I could never, and even to this day, figure out. It would manifest itself in cold periods and harsh statements. I never knew where this came from.
Early on in our relationship, one night, she wanted me to pick her up from a friends house because she was drunk and wanted sex. It was 10PM on a Thursday or Friday. I never had left the house at that hour of the night for no reason. Of course I wanted to, I think she did as well. But her reaction to “I would love to, but can’t.” was strange to me. She didn’t care in that moment what kind of ask that was. She wanted what she wanted, when she wanted it. Along with being overtly upset she gave me a little shit about my dynamic at home. About how little freedom I had and I had no balls.
She wasn’t way off base but my dynamic at home was always impasse. If my wife didn’t like it I couldn’t do it without it affecting us for months. It was very black or white with her. I am a peace keeper so it was natural for me not to push her boundaries. Going out at 10PM suddenly, I may as well be telling her “I am going to pick up my girlfriend”. I wasn’t going to get away without a reasonable explanation and there wasn’t one. After our exchange she was like goodnight abruptly and I didn’t hear from her the rest of the night.
I was actually hurt and sad, I thought I had lost her. Her life was different from mine and she had this freedom, or so she thought, and I did not. And she judged me for it. I didn’t realize at the time what the root cause of this was and it would take me the better of 2 years to figure out. Because the next day she apologized and said. “I am sorry you are a nice guy and I should be asking or expecting you to come out in the middle of the night to do that.” I accepted and said “no worries. I am sorry I couldn’t make it happen for you.” This was a red flag that I missed. I apologized for something I had no business accepting accountability for. It was a pattern we would repeat many times…