Broken – What Now?

Now that Hailey told James she wanted out, in my world that would be almost immediate, but not with them. He would hold on and try to convince her not to go. I never understood this. Why would you want to be with someone who didn’t want to be with you.

Broken is a story that is best read Chronologically to start from the beginning – Prologue

Now that Hailey told James she wanted out, in my world that would be almost immediate, but not with them. He would hold on and try to convince her not to go. I never understood this. Why would you want to be with someone who didn’t want to be with you. Why do you want to be with someone that is in love with someone else? I have an adverse reaction to this. When someone doesn’t want to be with me I am out ASAP.

I do get that it is more difficult with family and kids. But that is logistics. He really wanted to manipulate her into staying. Despite their troubles and his own significant transgressions. They talked for a few months before agreeing to November. They had vacations planned, sports seasons, a house to sell, numerous milestones to clear before they could part ways.

Looking back I realized this was always James’s tactic stall and try to convince her and wear her down. I thought they were resigned and working on this but he was not going to give up then one day…

I get a message in three different forms, email, text, and another way. “911!! he is outside your house.” Sure enough I spot his car while working on some project with the kids. I couldn’t believe it. He even started messaging me. He found my contact while spying on her computer. “Come out and talk” he said. He was drunk. Hailey said just go talk to him and he will go away. I said if I go then outside it’s the same as inviting him in. There would be questions in my house there was no way I could answer.

I implored her to manage him. Tell him the police will be called, anything. This is where it gets messy for all of us. I just stood my ground he was out there for 90 minutes and then finally drove away. It was the first time I noticed that Hailey chose him over me. I know it was the father of her kids. But there is no way I would let my spouse ruin someone else’s life for something I chose to do. I was disappointed but empathetic in the no-win situation she was in. But for the first time I questioned how deep her love for me really was. Maybe that is harsh but i couldn’t help but think it.

Looking back I am not sure if this was about her choosing him over me or her choosing her. She didn’t want to deal and the most self preserving thing she could do was nothing. Maybe she was frozen maybe she wasn’t. Neither of us felt good after this. We never really spoke about that night and the implications on our own relationship. There are things we do when we love someone. We ignore the things that may tear us apart. It was no different in the very things in my own marriage that my wife and I never wanted to talk about. Because it hurts and you love the person and you know it will never get better. But in reality it just ends up being the Elephant in the room you can no longer ignore.

Author: Matt

Hi, I’m Matt. Just your average uneventful guy. Dedicated Dad, emapth, and nurturer. Going through something I couldn’t possible ever thought possible. My story is called Broken. About an affair at the end of a long marriage and how ultimately I experienced the worst heartbreak of my life. It's honest, raw, and a little bit entertaining. I hope to share my story so people can learn while being therapeutic for myself.

10 thoughts on “Broken – What Now?”

      1. How did you feel about her choosing him over you? And – no disrespect to someone I don’t know and I know I don’t know all sides of the story – but sounds like Hailey wasn’t taking any accountability in this moment, at least, and that’s just shitty; not saying that she’s a shitty person btw! am trying not to offend here or be hurtful – But come on, lady, own up to some things not even because your lover needs you to do it but for yourself.

        Liked by 1 person

  1. I am curious what you mean by, “It was the first time I noticed that Hailey chose him over me.”

    Do you mean that, by not being able to manage him or convince him to leave, she was choosing him over you?

    Liked by 1 person

    1. In that moment it felt like he was about to blow up my life. I had never seen her panic like that. She had lost control of him so yes the fact that she wasn’t willing to protect me. That she was willing to leave it to me to figure out seemed like she was choosing him or herself. I always felt that she was the one who told him so she should be managing it. But that is my sensibility and it is because I feel like it is what I would do. I realize there are limits to that… I felt like I would and have fallen on the sword for her.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. That makes sense. I just wanted to be sure that I understood what you meant. I imagine as he was drunk and out in his vehicle, she probably felt there wasn’t much she could do remotely. Thankfully he just left….that could have really gotten ugly had he decided to approach your house.


  2. The whole time you outline the drama with H I keep wondering how deep the rift between you and your wife really is. Surly she must have noticed your increasingly withdrawn behavior at home? Or was there a level of indifference? I know this exists, where partners are more like roommates.

    H sounds like she still wants both worlds. This is especially true for parents of school aged kids. It isn’t easy when there’s a real relationship outside of the family with the lover, rather than just a string of one night stands.

    Either way, heartbreaking for everyone involved.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Going to address some of this soon. It’s hard. Even now I feel protective about what happened at home. So I am noodling on how to fill this gap in artful super respectful way.

      Liked by 1 person

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