Broken – The Aftermath

The aftermath was hell. Literal hell. Telling my kids was brutal. I told them it was my choice. If they would be angry it was going to be with me. Why, because I could take it, I am not sure my wife could. On top of what was already happening between us, upset kids was the least I could take off her plate.

Broken is a story that is best read Chronologically to start from the beginning – Prologue

The aftermath was hell. Literal hell. Telling my kids was brutal. I told them it was my choice. If they would be angry it was going to be with me. Why, because I could take it, I am not sure my wife could. On top of what was already happening between us, upset kids was the least I could take off her plate. Worse I had to make changes in my life immediately.

I had to start spending time away instead of having the risk of confusing everyone. I tried to start slow. First week I spent a couple nights just out but came home. That first night I was out, Hailey had her kids. I thought about the way she treated me on her first night. She made such a big deal about it. I just went to the movies no fanfare. I just wanted to breathe a sigh of relief. I didn’t mind, she had obligations and her kids come first. Plus I wasn’t in a celebratory state.

But I met Hailey down the street for a quick smooch in the car and missed the first 10 min of the movie. There was still a need for discretion but not as much. I wanted no ire or fury of anyone in our orbits directed at Hailey. She was almost in shock. She couldn’t believe it. I was basically hers. But not so fast. We had to reconcile the last couple months and all the bullshit she put me through. I think she was hoping the slate would be wiped clean.

I even said “my wife is afraid I would be scooped up in 5 minutes.” Hailey said yes I am going to scoop you up in 5 minutes. Which was flattering and showed where her head was at. I told her we need to talk about the last couple months. But I can’t right now. Right now my heart can only take what was happening at home. I had to decouple first I told her I appreciate her excitement but we still had a ways to go.

Hailey seemed to understand. I could feel her underlying excitement. I was less excited because I knew what I was going through at home. Imagine breaking up over and over again. Hearing about what a piece of shit you were. Well I had to take it. I had to let her express her anger. I would defend myself a little but mostly I was just taking shots for hours and hours (seriously 3 to 4 hours per day).

While Hailey was mostly supportive it didn’t take her long to inject some drama. The fact that I didn’t run right into her arms may have surprised her, even upset her. If she was true to me during the time I was at home and she was out I would have leaped into them without looking. But something told me to pause. I wanted to be with her but one thing at a time. First decoupling, then what happened this fall, then we could talk about our future.

She didn’t like it. She questioned me “you are going to want to be single aren’t you?” I intentionally didn’t answer. Being the super empath that is also a justice warrior, accountability and truth needed to happen before I could blindly jump into this. I was not going to be made a fool of. She had questions to answer and I am not the type to let it go. Besides my kids were older than hers except for her oldest. I was going to have a lot more free time on my hands and I thought it wasn’t terrible her to feel a little of what she put me through. Even if just for a moment. I know that may sound awful but honestly she should have thought of that whilst making Tinder comments and probably going out on dates. What goes around comes around. And at that moment I was no longer in preservation mode.

Simultaneously all the fighting at home accelerated things and I needed to start spending nights away. My wife and I just needed the breather. Should I invite Hailey on one of those…?

Author: Matt

Hi, I’m Matt. Just your average uneventful guy. Dedicated Dad, emapth, and nurturer. Going through something I couldn’t possible ever thought possible. My story is called Broken. About an affair at the end of a long marriage and how ultimately I experienced the worst heartbreak of my life. It's honest, raw, and a little bit entertaining. I hope to share my story so people can learn while being therapeutic for myself.

15 thoughts on “Broken – The Aftermath”

  1. I have to say….there is a part of me that relishes in the fact that you left Hailey feeling a little unsure and worried….given all the times that she had done the exact same thing to you (with the Tinder comments, etc.). She really didn’t deserve to feel secure in the idea that you would be hers soon.

    And to the rest… sending hugs, my friend. I imagine that it was heartbreaking to see both your wife and your children hurting so much. I remember firsthand what it was like to have those fights for 3-4 hours per day in the beginning. While we had a different outcome…I’m guessing the initial shock and devastation was a bit similar. Did you wife know about Hailey at this point?

    Liked by 1 person

    1. It was a little delicious. But underneath all of that was my desire to have a healthy relationship. And we talked about this so much considering we were coming off of unhealthy marriages. Why was she suddenly back all in? I had to know.

      Honestly I never thought it was a good idea to tell her even though I didn’t like hiding the truth. It would just be about Hailey and not why I was really no longer there. She knew who she was and it could get ugly. Besides I was already gone before Hailey ever was in my life. We were just together. I know it may sound harsh… But for someone who hadn’t been interested in me romantically or my romantic satisfaction for over a decade, quite honestly, it felt like none of her business any more.

      Thank you as always Nora!!

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Thank you for sharing so openly and honestly, Matt! It sounds like you felt very alone for a very long time. I can understand why you didn’t want to tell her about Hailey because you are right…everything would have become about that instantly. At this time, I imagine your wife was needing answers and if she had known about Hailey…she could have ducked personal responsibility and blamed everything on that. Though, from what it sounds like…she wasn’t taking any personal responsibility for your split anyway….

        Liked by 1 person

  2. My knee-jerk reaction: even though you explained that you left for your reasons, not specifically so you can be with someone, based on how you described H I make the bold assumption that she needed to believe you left for her. To be with her.

    You not answering the “single” comment cornered her and increased her insecurities. “He’s still not mine” kind of attitude.

    From a woman’s perspective, she wants to hear you say the words. To choose her above all. Now. 10 minutes after you made your separation official.

    But even though you’re telling us that ‘that’ was your intention long term (to be with her ultimately), right *now* you couldn’t. You were moving methodically, not irrationally.

    She sounds self-absorbed and impulsive. Perhaps part of that is the attraction? You’re not that way but it excites you to be with someone like this? That impulsive streak could be fun in aspects of your life (sex) but makes you stop a minute in other aspects (work/family).

    Like I said, knee-jerk reaction.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. I think you are right. The impulsiveness when applied correctly was good. I could be that way when it came to the good parts… sex, kissing, doing something fun. But when you are talking big decisions. It was different.

      You are right. If you see my comment to Nora about starting healthy. I also liken my reaction to her reaction of being single while I wasn’t. She wasn’t all in we had to deal with that. I was not going all in just because she was suddenly insecure. One week before this she could have been on a date for all I knew. She changed the dynamic unilaterally we needed to change it back together.

      Liked by 1 person

  3. I have so many questions but I won’t ask them. Lol. Seems like you (like most people) need to take time to process everything. What’s that saying? Out of the frying pan and into the fire?? Yeah, no one should do that. But Hailey seems to do that, maybe she likes it that way because that’s all she knows. (Apologies if I’m offending her or you – for all I know you’re with her now or still trying to be with her.) Am glad you let her “hang out to dry” a little bit. All the while, this is heartbreaking and hard. I feel for you all. I think about your kids. I am sure you love them…but hope they are ok and healing and trying to forgive or whatever they need to do to be ok.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Thank you Cara. It is a process of healing still on going pandemic helps not at all. You aren’t offending me or her at all. I am putting my story out there and I was always pretty brutally honest with Hailey. Even when I was in preservation mode. I would just soften my language. Please feel free to ask any questions you might have or if not comfortable feel free to email. 🙂

      I just didn’t like the sudden switch from I need to explore and take invitations – to almost an immediate question and in context a challenge of me being single. Without any reconciliation of that. It bothered me for so many reasons. I will match your saying with another one… what is good for the goose is good for the gander.

      Liked by 2 people

  4. I just want to thank Matt, here in this space. Your openness and forthrightness is bringing people together as they read your blog. I would say that most people have experienced infidelity and heartbreak in one form or another and what you are able to do here, with your writing, provokes insight and deeper thought. Well done, my friend!

    Liked by 3 people

  5. Nora is so much kinder than I in this, I wholly relish the fact that you left Hailey feeling unsure of her ground with you. That narcissistic woman needed a shock and a reality check, she had been yanking your strings like some kind of demented puppet master since she split with her husband! The tinder thing would have finished me completely, your tenacity and kindness of spirit is the only thing that saved her sorry ass. My apologies Matt, she makes me spit bricks, I get so angry with her.
    Your wife did not need to know, I agree wholeheartedly that it was your right to withhold that information. As you say, your marriage had failed long before the Hailey happened at you.
    Your wife also needed to accept her accountability for the failure of the marriage. It’s sad that even at the end she was still heaping the blame sideways on you. You made a brave decision for all of you and then carried the burden of the fallout anger from it too. Seems to me, your wife was an excellent ostrich.
    I apologise, without the deeper facts of your marriage assumptions are always drawn, I just get cross when people behave unfairly to those who have tried everything and yet still end up being blamed regardless. I know something about that situation myself. It isn’t healthy or pretty and leaves lasting scars and damage.

    Liked by 1 person

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