Broken is a story that is best read Chronologically to start from the beginning – Prologue
In the weeks that followed I was having trouble getting Hailey’s time. She would tell me that we would see each other this day and that day. And then have to cancel or cut it short. I was always empathetic to her busy life but it started getting ridiculous. I was being squeezed in or squeezed out I couldn’t decide which. Her messages were just all over the place. Wanting to spend time with me to almost dismissive.
I was still trying to make the Basketball game happen. What should be and was once simple person to make plans with was getting more difficult. It was painful. We were starting to argue over her availability. She would talk about how busy her life was. Meanwhile she spent every free night going out with girlfriends. Which I don’t object but it was a change in our dynamic. I tried a few different things to get her back into a rhythm. I was being kind and supportive, kept it light… nothing worked. She was stuck in a morbid state with me.
At this point we had no plans in sight and it had been about 7 days since we saw each other. And it kind of started getting away from us. We decided to call on the phone. What used to be 2.5 miles lets see each other now is a scheduled phone call. It was important to me. I didn’t go anywhere that night to make sure I would talk to her. She said James was going to pick up the kids later and she would call.
She never called and I never heard from her that night no apology text nothing, she just disengaged. And I refused to call or text her back. This was such crap. I decided to focus on me. She was making herself and her life busy. We all have obligations but we also choose how to spend our free time and I wasn’t in her plan. It hurt like a mother fucker.
But this time I wasn’t sitting still. I gave her 2 days to contact me or I was picking up the dating apps. Those days came and went no word… So be it! Fuck her! I am getting my freak on. My dignity can only be compromised so much.
I don’t know if I would ever hear from her again but I certainly was going to try to have some fun while there was radio silence. It would be my first swiping since I met Hailey…
Broken 
Oh man… that’s rough. I think I’d feel hurt and then somewhat vengeful if in your position. Not that I would actually take revenge in a situation like that…that’s childish. But still…this is just…ugh. You left a marriage to open up possibilities of you and her, if it still could work and make sense. And she often would doubt you or question you if you would leave, right? She’s now withdrawing? Sorry you had to go through this. Interested to see what the swiping will bring though…
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Totally my sentiment going through this. All this occurring within 2 months of that decision to make myself available. I just was blah.
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You went through so much in this time span. That’s draining – physically and mentally I bet
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My heart hurts for you.
Do you ever wonder why she withdrew? Did she feel guilty, felt like she played a part in the demise of your marriage?
Knowing what you know now, can you see yourself building something with her going forward?
I know what your heart, and your, um, other pertinent organ say (😳😉), but what about your brain? The rational, logical side of the brain?
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Thanks Cassandra! I think she used the guilt to justify things but I don’t think she ever had that kind of empathy. Because she never had it for me in that moment.
Having something with her would certainly come with some issues. Issues we would need to reconcile.
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This kind of blatant disregard is not easy to swallow… I am very sorry that, on top of everything else you were going through, you also had to face this kind of heartbreak. Walking away from your marriage was always going to be a shit time…. but Hailey definitely made things harder on you, rather than being a source of support. I do hope that she learns of you starting to “swipe right” again. I know that’s probably cruel sentiment, but hey… I’m on your side in all of this. Sending hugs. XOXO. ~ nora
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Thanks Nora. It went from nearly 2 years of I love you to just nothing. It was a hard pill to swallow.
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Game playing strategy, push – pull, come here, go away, I want you, I don’t want you, we’re on we’re off… its exhausting and soul destroying to see and read it playing out.
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It was all those things going through it.
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Stay or go, your indecision is exhausting is how I feel when it comes to her and my heart breaks for you. It’s like seeing you is no longer exciting, the thrill of almost being caught makes me think of her mention of missing the time spent in your marriage home. The idea you both could get caught by her husband or your wife was a thrill to her. Now you’re readily available and she’s not making any effort. I too hope she learns of you being back on dating apps, I feel bad for the bloke that ends up with her next. It’s like it’s all a game and the only player that matters is her. Sending so many hugs.
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Thank you for the hugs. Uncertainty is such a killer. But it felt like she trademarked it at that point.
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